Ask HN: I have constantly fallen prey to office politics. Need Advice

I have graduated from a top-notch university and joined a big tech company. I started my own business as a side job and eventually got acqui-hired by a bigger startup with ~50 employees (my hiring being the main reason of the acquisition). I joined this bigger startup as their highest paid employee (I wasn't named the CTO because the company had a "no roles, no bosses policy").

I was hired mainly due to my experience with high quality / scalable code. Soon, a few key employees begun downplaying this ability of mine – for instance, they loved to rewrite the components originally written by myself whenever they could. I would never criticize their work as a way to fight back. The "no bosses, no roles policy" also made things harder for me, since I didn't really feel like I could trust anyone.

Eventually, I left and took a top management position (reporting to one of the company's VPs) at a more established corporation. I gave my best at this new job, building a new development team from scratch and delivered solutions with real business impact throughout the company. My work was recognized, and I became known in the whole company. It felt truly amazing. However, there was one executive that made it clear, from the very beginning, that he didn't like me. Things went south recently after a reorg, when he began owning an area I worked closely with and loved the work we did. This executive (who happens to be the CEO’s favorite) begun searching for motives to belittle our work. Things have now gotten to a point where even my boss is refraining from defending us.

I had to control myself not to quit this job today (and let go of my bonus). It would be fairly easy for me to find another similar position. However, I wonder if I am lacking some sort of skill. I do notice that I have a hard time saying no and that I generally like pleasing people. I don't want this to happen to me again, so any advice (books, therapy, "you shouldn't be a manager") is deeply appreciated.

> that made it clear, from the very beginning, that he didn't like me.

How 'directly' was it made it clear?

How is your day to day contact with him?

It is also possible that misunderstandings at the start between you two can spiral out of control (even into hate).

Edit: formatting and spelling

Based on your recounting of events I see four companies and you having "problems" at three of them. Working for a big tech company and the getting your side-job acquihired also raises some concerns.

You write that you got a "top management position" - at how many years out of university? I am guessing less than 10 based on your summary. That also rings some alarm bells.

Granted there always will be people who are difficult to get along with. A situation that unfortunately goes with the territory in any corporate environment. There are many articles that suggest that many people in management positions are sociopaths.

In any confrontation there are two parties involved. You might need professional help, i.e. a therapist or career coach, to identify how you may be able to alter your behaviours to attain better outcomes for yourself and, ideally, for others.

Large corporate envs are highly political at senior levels. Sounds like you're focused on building solutions and making users happy, which leaves you exposed to backstabbing from peers and seniors. To operate successfully at senior levels in a big corp you need to manage outward and upward. Unfortunately this means spending less time with your team and users, and more time with key peers and seniors to form relationships and alliances.

The area that I manage didn't use to exist in the company, so while I was still building the team (it was my 2nd month into the job) I invited him for a conversation and, before I began speaking, he interrupted me, asked the following question, which derived into the conversation below.

- What have you done so far?

- I am building the team, have already hired X people and they will begin next month. I have also mapped what all other areas are doing and I am planning our deliverables.

- So, essentially, you have done nothing, right?

- Well, there wasn't really much I could do other than that without a team. Besides that, I had to invest some time into planning and showing the executives the structures and resources I will need.

- I got it, you haven't done anything. Listen, I am really close to the the company's CEO and we spoke about you yesterday. I didn't say anything bad about you this time. Besides that, I have a really good relationship with executives X, Y and Z and advisors A, B and C ... [he kept on bragging about himself]

The conversation above really sounded to me that he was threatening me. I spoke with some people in the company I already felt like I could trust about it and no one really understood why he did it.

I ended up thanking him for the feedback and moved on.

EDIT: Added further details that were previously included as a separate comment