Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Reflections on founder mental health, coaching, a decade after losing my mom

initialized.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

1–10 of 14 posts

Re: Reflections on founder mental health, coaching, a decade after losing my mom

#2

Post by Mononokay »

This was a great read—Ohanian's essays are always, really.

I can't say the executive coach bit makes sense to me, though. Athletes play a single, relatively unchanging game. Business, especially in the tech world, is anything but stable. There's no set of rules like there is in atheletics. Is he effectively referring to just a mentor?

Re: Reflections on founder mental health, coaching, a decade after losing my mom

#4

Post by skywritergr »

I'm not sure about finding a coach, but having a person that you respect to talk about your problem, issues or frustration with work is really important.

Whenever I've talked about something that bothered me with a very few people I respect, and look up to, I made better choices. I really recommend to everyone to find this person.

Re: Reflections on founder mental health, coaching, a decade after losing my mom

#6

Post by karmajunkie »

Mononokay wrote: post #2

This was a great read—Ohanian's essays are always, really. I can't say the executive coach bit makes sense to me, though. Athletes play a single, relatively unchanging game. Business, especially in the tech world, is anything but stable. There's no set of rules like there is in atheletics. Is he effectively referring to just a mentor?

Just my point of view, but while the two roles overlap, it feels like there's a difference in how you work with them. A mentor is someone you can bring your problems to and they suggest paths forward, navigating challenges based on their experience. A coach looks at what you're doing and proactively suggests changes you may not have brought to them. The two complement each other but I don't think they're quite the same.

Re: Reflections on founder mental health, coaching, a decade after losing my mom

#7

Post by kirillzubovsky »

Alexis, how would you help someone in work-till-death-depression-spiral help to recognize they may not be as happy as they claim to be? I have a friend who works all day and all night (literally), and is almost guaranteed deeply depressed and borderline psychotic (although I am not a doctor).

I have tried being suggestive, and tried being direct, but the response had ultimately come down to "you are not working as hard as I am, so you just don't understand."

What, if anything, could help snap someone out of their depression or at least help them find help on their own?

Re: Reflections on founder mental health, coaching, a decade after losing my mom

#8

Post by codingdave »

> You only need an internet connection to change your perspective in a minute

That is a double-edged sword. There are wonderful and terrible things online. Deciding which ones to partake in are just as important as who you surround yourself with.

Re: Reflections on founder mental health, coaching, a decade after losing my mom

#9

Post by howderek »

kirillzubovsky wrote: post #7

Alexis, how would you help someone in work-till-death-depression-spiral help to recognize they may not be as happy as they claim to be? I have a friend who works all day and all night (literally), and is almost guaranteed deeply depressed and borderline psychotic (although I am not a doctor). I have tried being suggestive, and tried being direct, but the response had ultimately come down to "you are not working as ha…

While I haven't dealt with that precise situation, I know from experience that it is more likely that your friend (deep down) does recognize their own mental health issues, but confronting that will require them to change their perspective on the things they have valued for years.

When I was being abused, I knew deep down that it wasn't right. All my friends told me so. But recognizing that abuse meant I had to change how I view myself and my experiences for months (if not years) before, and that's really hard. It's easier to live in a delusion that everything is okay.

If they are as depressed as you suggest, they probably don't have the energy to reframe their entire experience around the facts you are presenting to them, regardless of how believable those facts are.

You cannot 'save' your friend from their self-destructive behavior, and you should stop trying. Instead, do your best to acknowledge them and make it known that your friend can trust and rely on you. Hopefully, your friend will reach a point in their life where they have the energy to start working on becoming healthier, and you can be supportive of them then.

I suggest looking at this WikiHow article that deals with a similar issue: https://www.wikihow.com/Help-Someone-Who-You-Think-Is-Cuttin...

Re: Reflections on founder mental health, coaching, a decade after losing my mom

#10

Post by hitekker »

I appreciate that the article emphasizes personal well-being, but I'm having trouble finding its insight.

Specifically, I would want the author's opinion on how much of yourself you should invest in your startup, or more philosophically, the balance between what you do and what you are.

Tension certainly exists between success-of-the-company and health-of-the-self, respectively represented by coaching and counseling. These two sides are separate, and, in a billion-dollar-pressure-cooker, may even be in open warfare with each other: "I need to work harder" versus "I want to spend time with my children".

So far, this balance seems weighted towards the former. Michael Siebel of YC, has gone on record saying the best startups have founders who stake their self-worth on success and who are, therefore, unhealthy. [1]

I would even surmise that part of why the author recovered is because he left Reddit. His all-consuming focus was just that: All-consuming. Did Reddit need to eat away at him? Or was it incidental? The article doesn't quite say one way or another, but other resources indicate that the authors departure 3 years after the acquisition, gave him the chance to work on his health.

A founder needs to sacrifice for their company, that much is a given.

But the big question for me is, in the pursuit of greatness, when does self-sacrifice become self-destruction?

[1] https://youtu.be/4oeDLeRcook?t=14m56s

[2] http://www.businessinsider.com/reddit-cofounders-saw-a-thera...

Post reply on HN