Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help
theguardian.com
Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help
1–10 of 182 posts
Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help
#2"needing some comfort, had been showered instead with practical solutions to a practical problem, which had just upset her even more"
When something bad happens to someone you care about, don't say "What happened?" That focuses on the problem. Maybe they don't want to talk about it.
Ask "Are you OK?"
You can always say this even if there's nothing wrong.
If they say "Yes, why?", they're your friend.
If they say "Fine." then they don't trust you.
If they tell you "No, ..." they think you're a close friend.
Then ask "What can I do to help you? You're not alone."
Focus on the solution.
If you want to know if someone trusts you, just ask "Are you OK?" and they will tell you.
Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help
#3"needing some comfort, had been showered instead with practical solutions to a practical problem, which had just upset her even more" When something bad happens to someone you care about, don't say "What happened?" That focuses on the problem. Maybe they don't want to talk about it. Ask "Are you OK?" You can always say this even if there's nothing wrong. If they say "Yes, why?", they're your friend. If they say "Fine…
If they say "Yes, why?", they're your friend.
If they say "Fine." then they don't trust you.
If they tell you "No, ..." they think you're a close friend
I'm guessing you're a programmer :)
It's surely all about getting them to talk and open up, regardless of their answers?
Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help
#4Lately I've become more and more convinced that indeed, modern society sucks, or at the very least that I, and people like me, am not well equipped to flourish in it. I'm sure some people are though, but I suspect they are becoming the minority.
Few days ago I also read Ted Kaczynski's essay[1], and it's hard for me not to acknowledge how right he is on many points.
However, I do believe it is possible to survive all this, and that stoicism is a way. Kaczynski wrote for instance :
"It is true that primitive man is powerless against some of the things that threaten him; disease for example. But he can accept the risk of disease stoically. It is part of the nature of things, it is no one’s fault, unless it is the fault of some imaginary, impersonal demon. But threats to the modern individual tend to be MAN-MADE. They are not the results of chance but are IMPOSED on him by other persons whose decisions he, as an individual, is unable to influence. Consequently he feels frustrated, humiliated and angry."
Is it not possible for the modern man to accept the drawbacks of modern life, including loneliness, just as stoically as the primitive man was accepting adversity and death? Whether adversity is man-made or "natural" should not matter for the individual. From the stoic point of view, in each case it is just an external factor.
It seems to me that as long as someone understands what is happening to him, he can make his mind at peace with it, whatever it is. Was it not after all one of the lessons of Epictetus, that what matters is not so much what happens to us, but how we react to it? That as long as we are ready for the worst, we can not really be troubled by it?
Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help
#5Lately I've become more and more convinced that indeed, modern society sucks, or at the very least that I, and people like me, am not well equipped to flourish in it. I'm sure some people are though, but I suspect they are becoming the minority. Few days ago I also read Ted Kaczynski's essay[1], and it's hard for me not to acknowledge how right he is on many points. However, I do believe it is possible to survive all…
I had to google Ted Kaczinski (I'm not American), so I just want to mention here that Ted Kaczinski is a terrorist and mass murderer. No criticism on your post itself btw, I just felt it's relevant context.
Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help
#6Lately I've become more and more convinced that indeed, modern society sucks, or at the very least that I, and people like me, am not well equipped to flourish in it. I'm sure some people are though, but I suspect they are becoming the minority. Few days ago I also read Ted Kaczynski's essay[1], and it's hard for me not to acknowledge how right he is on many points. However, I do believe it is possible to survive all…
Is there any reason to believe that primitive people did not fought each other, did not bullied each other and did not enslaved each other? When primitive dude hits smaller one or rapes primitive girl, how is it not man made?
How do we know they were stoic? How do we know they were not stressed or frustrated?
Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help
#7"needing some comfort, had been showered instead with practical solutions to a practical problem, which had just upset her even more" When something bad happens to someone you care about, don't say "What happened?" That focuses on the problem. Maybe they don't want to talk about it. Ask "Are you OK?" You can always say this even if there's nothing wrong. If they say "Yes, why?", they're your friend. If they say "Fine…
Protip you're a close friend when the positive emotional result for them after 20 minutes is the same regardless of how they answered. A bigger reason to say "fine" is they are depressive and dont trust themselves with their emotion.
Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help
#8Lately I've become more and more convinced that indeed, modern society sucks, or at the very least that I, and people like me, am not well equipped to flourish in it. I'm sure some people are though, but I suspect they are becoming the minority. Few days ago I also read Ted Kaczynski's essay[1], and it's hard for me not to acknowledge how right he is on many points. However, I do believe it is possible to survive all…
Is there any reason to believe that primitive people did not fought each other, did not bullied each other and did not enslaved each other? When primitive dude hits smaller one or rapes primitive girl, how is it not man made? How do we know they were stoic? How do we know they were not stressed or frustrated?
Humans tended to live in small groups of mostly related people. If you met another human outside of your group you usually tried to kill each other. It's thought that the global human diaspora resulted from these small bands of people trying to avoid each other as much as possible.
Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help
#9"needing some comfort, had been showered instead with practical solutions to a practical problem, which had just upset her even more" When something bad happens to someone you care about, don't say "What happened?" That focuses on the problem. Maybe they don't want to talk about it. Ask "Are you OK?" You can always say this even if there's nothing wrong. If they say "Yes, why?", they're your friend. If they say "Fine…
This is simplistic and generally bad advice. Human relationships don't universally follow flow charts.
Re: Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help
#10Lately I've become more and more convinced that indeed, modern society sucks, or at the very least that I, and people like me, am not well equipped to flourish in it. I'm sure some people are though, but I suspect they are becoming the minority. Few days ago I also read Ted Kaczynski's essay[1], and it's hard for me not to acknowledge how right he is on many points. However, I do believe it is possible to survive all…
I had to google Ted Kaczinski (I'm not American), so I just want to mention here that Ted Kaczinski is a terrorist and mass murderer. No criticism on your post itself btw, I just felt it's relevant context.
He was also subjected to, well lets say "ethical questionable" experiments at Harvard.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/impromptu-man/201205/ha...