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I am getting paranoid, and even though I am sure that I am not capable of committing suicide nor do I want to, it is extremely disheartening, and very counterproductive.
If any of you have dealt with a similar situation, please let me know how to deal with this.
Thanks in anticipation.
EDIT: email: xoxo(at)hush.ai
There are plenty of organizations that will talk to you for free. Most large corporations have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that can provide you with three therapy sessions for free and virtually every healthcare plan under the sun covers mental health, it'll cost you a $15 co-pay. Go as often as you need.
I hope that you you find someone that can help you work through these issues.
- Read this: http://whitehottruth.com/white-hot/the-manifesto-of-encourag...
- If you have sappy depressing music playing all the time, turn it off. Mood is affected by music.
- Go for a walk.
- Don't drink alone.
- Go to church.
- Realize that there are things in your life that you can't change. And things that you can change. Accept the things you can't change. Change the things that you can change.
I have dealt with this issue for 20 years. The first 10 years, I thought I was going to die. But I've learned to lower my suicidal ideation levels tremendously by trial and error.
It was reassuring for me to learn from a psychologist friend that (A) suicidal ideation is the "lowest rung on the ladder of risk", so to speak, in terms of the risk of actually killing yourself. The next rungs on the ladder are: (B) deciding to kill yourself, (C) deciding when to kill yourself, and (D) deciding how to kill yourself. With that said, if you go up a rung, you're in trouble and need to escalate your remedies.
In my experience, if you are sure you are not capable of committing suicide and/or do not want to, it's possible to live a long time with suicidal ideation, although it sucks.
Here are some tips:
* Stop drinking if you lose control of yourself while drunk, especially if you're a sad drunk. Or at least limit the number of drinks you consume.
* Suicidal ideation is a symptom of depression, which is an mechanism that evolved to tell us that our body/mind is thinking: "I don't like something about your life and you need to change it." Focus on changing those somethings.
* You are allowed to have "bad thoughts" like "I am so depressed". However, you cannot allow yourself to have "bad thoughts about bad thoughts" or what I call "meta thoughts". In other words, you can't think "I am so depressed that I'm still depressed." Meta thoughts lead to bad thought spirals which increases suicidal ideation.
* Exercise does not ameliorate this condition for me, but it may for you, try it?
* Reduce the amount of stress in your life. This definitely contributes to depression. But really, you need to figure out why your body/mind is rebelling against you. If you're trapped in a bad job/relationship, you need to fix that.
* Watch this video to learn about the three levels of happiness: http://blog.sokanu.com/building-a-happiness-framework-in-you...
* Like me, you probably have a very low positive affect (don't smile a lot naturally, aren't bubbly/happy). Focus on spending as much time in Flow (the second level) as possible: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXIeFJCqsPs
Good luck!
I'm certain there are many people here that can relate to your problems, but most of them might not want to speak up in a public forum about these issues and may prefer to contact you privately.
There was a somewhat similar post a few months back (http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=937430) where the submitter was urged to set up an e-mail for private conversations. I think it might have helped him/her to talk to othe HN'ers in private.