Who pays on the first date?

As a woman who damn well makes enough to pay my own way (and, honestly, more than most of the guys I end up on first dates with), I'm insulted by the assumption that the man pays for the first date. That's an archaic custom that dates from a time when women weren't expected to have (significant) income sources. It suggests women can't take care of themselves, which is demeaning.

I for one am looking for an equal partner in life. A guy who won't accept that dynamic doesn't get a second date. It's actually a great way to filter out guys who aren't a good fit.

Re: Who pays on the first date?

#5

Post by toyg » Tue, Jun 27, 2017, 4:17 PM UTC

twobyfour wrote: post #4

As a woman who damn well makes enough to pay my own way (and, honestly, more than most of the guys I end up on first dates with), I'm insulted by the assumption that the man pays for the first date. That's an archaic custom that dates from a time when women weren't expected to have (significant) income sources. It suggests women can't take care of themselves, which is demeaning. I for one am looking for an equal part…

The problem is that there are loads of women with the opposite view at yours; and I'd argue they are still in the majority in most countries. For them, even the suggestion of splitting the bill means the man is cheap. So the safest default, for a man, is to go with tradition.

Re: Who pays on the first date?

#6

Post by twobyfour » Tue, Jun 27, 2017, 4:23 PM UTC

toyg wrote: post #5

twobyfour wrote: post #4

As a woman who damn well makes enough to pay my own way (and, honestly, more than most of the guys I end up on first dates with), I'm insulted by the assumption that the man pays for the first date. That's an archaic custom that dates from a time when women weren't expected to have (significant) income sources. It suggests women can't take care of themselves, which is demeaning. I for one am looking for an equal part…

The problem is that there are loads of women with the opposite view at yours; and I'd argue they are still in the majority in most countries. For them, even the suggestion of splitting the bill means the man is cheap. So the safest default, for a man, is to go with tradition.

I suspect the norms also differ from place to place even within a country. I would not be surprised if going dutch is more typical in NYC and the man paying is typical in, say, Peoria. Certainly, I've rarely encountered a New Yorker who's uncomfortable with splitting the bill. So trying to draw broad enough conclusions to write a universally applicable article about it is ridiculous.