On Marrying the Wrong Person
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On Marrying the Wrong Person
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Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person
#2That's a pretty insightful article. I wish I had that 20 years ago when I met my future ex-wife. Let's review my list:
1. we don't understand ourselves. (check.. plus). At least not then. 2. we don't understand other people. (check). I interpreted them as what I wanted them to be, not as they were. Note: all the little foibles and peccadilloes will add up. 3. we aren't used to being happy. (check). I was driven then and had been for so long. Suffering to me was success so being with an extremely difficult person was actually 'comfortable'.. or at least familiar. 4. being single is so awful. (no check). Being single was great then and now. (but it's harder with three kids..) Looking back, I was single living in NY..and have absolutely no idea why I got married... But this leads to.. 5. Instinct has too much Prestige. (CHECK CHECK). Love this line (and maybe I'm just too stupid to really know what it means), but I interpret it as 'I know what's right' (ostensibly). I really thought I knew what I was doing.. I was always such a know-it-all, did absolutely no homework on what really binds two people together and.. there you go.
Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person
#3There is "wrong person for you" and "wrong person for anyone". The latter, you must avoid at all costs.
Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person
#4There is "wrong person for you" and "wrong person for anyone ". The latter, you must avoid at all costs.
What's the difference? If he/she is wrong for you, who cares if he/she isn't right for someone else?
Very little consolation (if any) if he/she turns out to be the right person for someone else.
Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person
#5That's a pretty insightful article. I wish I had that 20 years ago when I met my future ex-wife. Let's review my list: 1. we don't understand ourselves. (check.. plus). At least not then. 2. we don't understand other people. (check). I interpreted them as what I wanted them to be, not as they were. Note: all the little foibles and peccadilloes will add up. 3. we aren't used to being happy. (check). I was driven then…
Pretty much the same for me... I met my soon to be ex-wife 10 years ago, I was young, didn't know and understand myself. I've known that things weren't really right for already 6 years but I've tried to somehow change myself and her to improve things. Important to impose a time limit on that and you don't change the quirks of another person.
Now I know that I went into it too quickly, that our quirks do not match and that while I think she would be the perfect wife to someone else, she's not it for me.
Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person
#6That's a pretty insightful article. I wish I had that 20 years ago when I met my future ex-wife. Let's review my list: 1. we don't understand ourselves. (check.. plus). At least not then. 2. we don't understand other people. (check). I interpreted them as what I wanted them to be, not as they were. Note: all the little foibles and peccadilloes will add up. 3. we aren't used to being happy. (check). I was driven then…
How long were you married for and what was the final nail in the coffin?
It seems like there's never been a better time to be single, especially if you're living in one of the major cities. I have a lot of friends who say the same thing you said, having ''no idea'' why they got married; and when they say it they look truly befuddled as if they just woke up one day and accidentally found themselves in such a state.
Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person
#7There is "wrong person for you" and "wrong person for anyone ". The latter, you must avoid at all costs.
What's the difference? If he/she is wrong for you, who cares if he/she isn't right for someone else? Very little consolation (if any) if he/she turns out to be the right person for someone else.
In fact, the first thought I had on the matter is it's actually a little depressing if he/she turned out to be the right person for someone else and yet the two mistaken people suffered together for some number of years that could have been bliss with someone else.
Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person
#8These are the two things that led to the dissolution of a six year relationship.
- how can one raise children with them - how can one develop together
Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person
#9There is so much wrong with the first section of the article, I could only put up with skimming the rest. The only thing I learned from the first section was not to marry the author.
Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person
#10The single most awful thing people do is treat love as an 'emotional' affair, something which is beyond reason. That when it happens, it happens, and when you're in a relationship, you must at all cost keep maintaining the sense of euphoria or else everything will be gone.
This would be equivalent of starting a business with someone not on the basis of the value proposition of the business, but based on how you emotionally like the idea, and then hiding all the losses and constantly trying to achieve the initial profit you saw.