We Still Let Harassers Participate in Our Community
1–10 of 67 posts
Re: We Still Let Harassers Participate in Our Community
#2Reading this made me really sad. The organization's response was straight up unjust. They should've ejected the male speaker and prevented him from attending the conference at all.
Re: We Still Let Harassers Participate in Our Community
#3A worthy post.
Re: We Still Let Harassers Participate in Our Community
#4What is the right protocol? As a conference organizer I would like advice. Getting past he said she said is a delicate problem.
Re: We Still Let Harassers Participate in Our Community
#5What is the right protocol? As a conference organizer I would like advice. Getting past he said she said is a delicate problem.
It seems like in this case there is relatively objective evidence. I agree this is super tricky, but I don't think it has much to do with "he said she said".
I believe the core issue here is that the bad actor has so much clout he cannot be held accountable by anyone involved. I would expect the problem to generalize to way more than just conferences.
Re: We Still Let Harassers Participate in Our Community
#6What is the right protocol? As a conference organizer I would like advice. Getting past he said she said is a delicate problem.
It seems like in this case there is relatively objective evidence. I agree this is super tricky, but I don't think it has much to do with "he said she said". I believe the core issue here is that the bad actor has so much clout he cannot be held accountable by anyone involved. I would expect the problem to generalize to way more than just conferences.
This case seems very clear but what is the more general protocol?
Re: We Still Let Harassers Participate in Our Community
#7So:
In the writer's own words, she did not respond honestly to his advances as she hoped to advance her career through his acquaintance:
> While I tried to politely decline his advances, he was in a position of power over me in this industry. He said he knew my bosses, he knew where I worked, and he promised he’d help advance my career. I felt it best to stay in his “good graces” and not be flat out rude.
She did finally realize her mistake:
> I now understand how wrong this dynamic is.
And responded as she should have first. With the result that he stopped pestering her:
> We haven’t spoken for over a year, as the last time I saw him I finally had the courage and support system to be direct, cold, and tell him to leave me alone.
In my book, the guy's a bit of a thickie and a more than a little creepy. Eww. But she, by her explicit admission, did not let him know his advances were unwanted in a "direct, cold" way because SHE HOPED TO GAIN FINANCIALLY AND PROFESSIONALLY BY DOING SO.
In a nutshell: He clumsily tried to get laid and she strung him along for what she could get out of him.
Eww.
Running book on how long that post stays up before she edits it.
Re: We Still Let Harassers Participate in Our Community
#8What is the right protocol? As a conference organizer I would like advice. Getting past he said she said is a delicate problem.
I have no problem with he said/she said, because I am willing to take a woman at her word when she says "he harassed me".
On the extremely rare occasions I've heard of men complaining of being raped by women, I don't think I've ever heard anyone dismissing his complaint as she said/he said.
Re: We Still Let Harassers Participate in Our Community
#9So: In the writer's own words, she did not respond honestly to his advances as she hoped to advance her career through his acquaintance: > While I tried to politely decline his advances, he was in a position of power over me in this industry. He said he knew my bosses, he knew where I worked, and he promised he’d help advance my career. I felt it best to stay in his “good graces” and not be flat out rude. She did fin…
She turned him down, and you're saying she didn't turn him down firmly enough, and did so to string him along? Why does that sound like a variation on "she was asking for it, she didn't fight back hard enough" or any other kind of victim-blaming?
Re: We Still Let Harassers Participate in Our Community
#10What is the right protocol? As a conference organizer I would like advice. Getting past he said she said is a delicate problem.
I have no problem with he said/she said, because I am willing to take a woman at her word when she says "he harassed me". On the extremely rare occasions I've heard of men complaining of being raped by women, I don't think I've ever heard anyone dismissing his complaint as she said/he said.
I'm a male that's been raped before, and I've told maybe 5 people. And the reaction was very supportive from all but one of them. Interestingly enough, the four supportive point of views were from women, and the one "oh you're just lying to try and find an excuse for cheating" was from a man.
YMMV