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Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

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Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#931

Post by MrDresden »

VirusNewbie wrote: post #885
conradludgate wrote: post #353

Why are people so obsessed about it I have children? I'm married and we've decided we don't want to have kids. It really bothers me when people say "oh you're missing out, that's such a shame". Please think about what you are saying. It doesn't matter if I'm gay, infertile, poor, depressed, or just don't want them. Please keep your judgements to yourself or even just stop judging others.

My wife spent 35 years of her life never wanting kids, and suddenly was 51% for trying to see if we could have a kid, with much trepidation. It worked out, and almost every day, certainly every week, she says she's so thankful she changed her mind just enough that she could be a mom. It is nothing like she envisioned it. We also have friends who didn't want kids and then regretted it, and my wife sees her self in tho…

If it isn't too forward, would you mind if I ask if you and your wife had more than a single child?

Me and my partner are in a similar situation as you and your wife before your first kid, with some complications added on top.

Those complications will make it near a certainty that we will only ever have a single child. And I worry sometimes if deciding to have a single kid is just me being selfish and wanting a family, rather than thinking about what would be best for the child (for instance having siblings).

Our situation would also mean no cousins from her side, and my siblings all have children in the late teens by now.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#932

Post by GreenWatermelon »

kelnos wrote: post #487
toasterlovin wrote: post #468

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I initially read this comment to mean “we wanted larger family, the secular world doesn’t do that, we became religious and we’re happy”. Am I understanding that correctly? Kinda. We were open to believing in God. But the start of our journey was just realizing the secular world had nothing to offer us. Then we met a religious homeschooling family w/ 5 kids and they gave us a glimpse of what was possible. So we star…

Oof, my experience is the exact opposite. I was raised Catholic, and my family attended mass every week. I realized I didn't believe in god in my early teens. For many years after that I really wished I could believe, tried to believe. My parents had me enrolled in CCD (for those of you not Catholic, that's basically the Catholic version of what's colloquially known as "Sunday School") through 8th grade. I participat…

> I just questioned things

Questioning things is how one truly reaches God. Your elders failed you.

Some people just hold beliefs because they were born with them, not because they necessarily believe in them. I know these types because I've lived my whole life around many of them. Thanks to them, I've come to despise the modern concept of organizated religions, though I still value religion itself.

This is why I tend to view modern religious leaders as parasites. They convince other people that they [the other people] can't understand religion on their own,that religion is mysterious and only those well versed may speak on the art.

By convincing people of such things, said people then outsource the job of thinking to those select few, and you're left with mindless brains who can't figure out the answers to a child's questions about God.

I ask myself questions, I always do, and I try to look for answers, for each question answered brings me one step closer to God, and by extension, brings me some measure of peace in life.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#934

Post by VirusNewbie »

MrDresden wrote: post #931
VirusNewbie wrote: post #885

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My wife spent 35 years of her life never wanting kids, and suddenly was 51% for trying to see if we could have a kid, with much trepidation. It worked out, and almost every day, certainly every week, she says she's so thankful she changed her mind just enough that she could be a mom. It is nothing like she envisioned it. We also have friends who didn't want kids and then regretted it, and my wife sees her self in tho…

If it isn't too forward, would you mind if I ask if you and your wife had more than a single child? Me and my partner are in a similar situation as you and your wife before your first kid, with some complications added on top. Those complications will make it near a certainty that we will only ever have a single child. And I worry sometimes if deciding to have a single kid is just me being selfish and wanting a famil…

We only have one now, but are hoping for another.

>And I worry sometimes if deciding to have a single kid is just me being selfish and wanting a family, rather than thinking about what would be best for the child (for instance having siblings).

I think this is an addressable issue. If you care about your child not being lonely, you could prioritize moving to an area that is family friendly, and/or prioritize making friends with some other families. We moved to an area with lots of parks in walking distance and there's almost always other kids playing there.

My son is 4 and an only child right now, but we regularly invite playmates and their parents over for dinner and a playdate for the kids. Almost every weekend my son and some another kid or two will be running around the house in the early evening while I cook some burgers and chat with the parents.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#935

Post by missedthecue »

silverquiet wrote: post #714
anthonypasq wrote: post #704

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Life is pretty miserable for most people. this is objectively untrue with respect to almost every single piece of data we have on this subject. Just because youre a misanthrope doesnt mean everyone else is.

I wonder - do you think the drop in fertility represents a rise in overall life satisfaction or a fall? I hadn't thought about it much myself, but it seems like it could go either way.

A lot of 27 year old women 50 years ago had a kid and another on the way.

A lot of 27 year old women I know today are planning trips to Europe next year. Are they more unhappy than previous generations? I don't see it. There's a lot of interesting things competing today with being a parent.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#936

Post by MaxHoppersGhost »

echelon wrote: post #167
lumost wrote: post #158

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've been doing this math frequently of late. I'm 35, have one child and of my high school class ... maybe 25% have children? there is certainly a bias from polling social media. But the anecdata would say that we're closing on the point where millenials have chosen to simply not have children.

Kids aren't expensive. They're a distraction from dopamine and career advancement. My peers are all wealthy and they'd rather jet set than settle down. By all means they could raise families of two to four kids and still be incredibly comfortable. Vacation home comfortable. Instagram is the anti-child. Instagram and the endless feed of social media, internet, and things to do. Once you have children, the dopamine end…

Man this is so true, not sure why this is getting downvoted? Most people without kids just don’t want to change their (very fun) lifestyles and commit to something with a very long and uncertain but (hopefully) rewarding payout. It’s certainly scary.

That said the amount of dopamine/happiness I get playing with my child is more than any social media feed could ever provide. But in between those moments there’s a lot of work and sleepless nights for sure.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#937

Post by dang »

bongodongobob wrote: post #871
dang wrote: post #864

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Please don't start flamewars on HN. This was a doozy. If you wouldn't mind reviewing https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and taking the intended spirit of the site more to heart, we'd be grateful. We detached this subthread from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39341055 .

I can't help how others respond. No flame war intended.

I believe you, but we have to go by effects, not intent. If you post swipes like "What bubble do you live in?" (which is already against the site guidelines, btw) on a divisive topic like this, then the odds of a flamewar are high and you're responsible for starting it—the same way you would be responsible for a wildfire if you dropped lit matches in a dry forest, whether you intended a wildfire or not.

https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=true&sor...

https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=true&que...

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#938

Post by pfannkuchen »

toasterlovin wrote: post #468
pinkmuffinere wrote: post #177

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I initially read this comment to mean “we wanted larger family, the secular world doesn’t do that, we became religious and we’re happy”. Am I understanding that correctly? If so, this strikes me as a very novel argument in favor of religion, and is more convincing to me than most others. I do wonder what I’d say if/when people question the fervor of my belief though, if I truly converted just for a community with lar…

> I initially read this comment to mean “we wanted larger family, the secular world doesn’t do that, we became religious and we’re happy”. Am I understanding that correctly? Kinda. We were open to believing in God. But the start of our journey was just realizing the secular world had nothing to offer us. Then we met a religious homeschooling family w/ 5 kids and they gave us a glimpse of what was possible. So we star…

Mind if I ask how you found a church like this?

I’ve been having similar thoughts. Sedevacantism seemed like a natural place to look but it isn’t well represented in my area.

I grew up catholic but it was mostly people going through the motions. Yours sounds like a more hippy esque flavor which appeals to me.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#939

Post by chambers »

metricspaces wrote: post #660
Yizahi wrote: post #557

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are atheists only "militant" in your point of view? As an atheist I can say that the only way for me to believe in gods is to simply fake it. This believing "at will" is rather interesting concept, but I honestly can't comprehend it.

It’s like love. You fall in love, you fall in love with God. The rest is just garbled mumbling to yourself and others. And like love, it is your experience of it and your view of your beloved that matters, who cares what others think. This is how it is with actual belief. You experience something that shatters the illusion. Once that happens, you belong to God bothered people. And yes, those who have never experience…

This strikes close to home. Until you've experienced love, you cannot understand it. Doubly so for the purest forms of love, love above human love.

I wager we avoid that kind of love because it boils down to "sacrifice yourself for the good that's outside you". In human terms it's something like parents sacrificing themselves for their children, or friends sacrificing themselves for their friends[1]. Losing something painfully that cannot be replaced in the world. A world where we have all the time, money, internet to distract us from hardship & suffering that brings us closer to goodness.

I personally didn't believe in God until I received a tiny part of his love for myself.

[1] https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2015%3A13&...

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#940

Post by paulryanrogers »

maxdoop wrote: post #164
ronaldoCR wrote: post #48

people are missing out. this is sad

There are studies that show quote plainly that people with kids are unholier than those without. The difference is much later on life when the happiness “winner” switches to the group with children. One theory aside from the obvious is that the brain makes sense of whatever might happen to it, over time. Like how you miss out on some big opportunity, but years later you say, “ah, that’s ok because it led me to where…

Unholier?
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