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The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

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Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#901

Post by wink »

cwp wrote: post #841
bscphil wrote: post #822

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I had a bout of this about 20 years ago, so I made a rule for myself: I wasn't allowed to decline an invitation. That approach works great as long as you are currently getting invited to things. If it's been a year since the last time you were invited to anything, that's not going to solve your loneliness problem.

This is true, but trivial. If nobody ever asks you to spend time with them, you are doing something extraordinary to prevent it: never leaving your house, violent aggression, being drunk all the time, etc. You should definitely deal with that situation first. But if you have normal interactions with people on a regular basis, you'll get invitations. They might be tiny or tentative or impersonal, but if engage with qu…

I absolutely disagree. Just taking the workplace as an example, I've been at companies where I would hang out with at least one coworker per week and there were companies where I did nothing at all with coworkers outside office hours except maybe the christmas party.

And I do think if you're not in any club (for sports or hobbies or whatever) it gets harder and harder to make friends the older you get (spoken like a true mid-30s person ;). I don't have kids or a dog, so the workplace is next to the best venue to meet new people.

TLDR: I don't think it's in any way rare or weird to not receive invitations if you don't already have a network of friends. This is a catch-22.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#902

Post by ratsimihah »

mythrwy wrote: post #300
ratsimihah wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Try yoga at a small studio, communities are often great :>

That's not everyone's "fit in" group though. It's like saying attend local evangelical church. The people you meet will be potential friends for some types of people. For other types, not so much.

But yoga is not a religion, although I get your point.

I used the yoga example because people there generally seek self-improvement and cultivate a good vibe, which helps in engaging social interactions

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#903

Post by ratsimihah »

astura wrote: post #380
ratsimihah wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Try yoga at a small studio, communities are often great :>

My anecdote: I went to yoga the same night at the same small studio for years. Mostly the same people showed up every week but I didn't find it to be an atmosphere good for socialization at all. I don't know at what point in a yoga class you'd have time for conversation.

I get you, not every studio has that kind of vibe. I go to a few different ones, and I've made tons of friend at one of them, while talking to people at other ones hasn't been as fruitful.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#904

Post by ratsimihah »

duderific wrote: post #734
astura wrote: post #380

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My anecdote: I went to yoga the same night at the same small studio for years. Mostly the same people showed up every week but I didn't find it to be an atmosphere good for socialization at all. I don't know at what point in a yoga class you'd have time for conversation.

Maybe afterwards when people are gathering up their stuff and heading out. There is always something to talk about, i.e. how you liked the class, was it hard or easy, etc.

Exactly! Even before class if there's a reception/waiting room area, as people are less rushed.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#905

Post by ionised »

souprock wrote: post #201
ratsimihah wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That sounds great! Just be careful not too become too dependent on someone else.

Becoming dependent is part of the deal. It keeps people together through the difficult times.

Co-dependency is not 'part of the deal'. It's something toxic to a relationship.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#906

Post by gytdev »

I'm going to propose a critical point of view, but stay with me.

I feel that the only people that are lonely choose loneliness up on them selves. In this day and age You can do so many things. Why only job, home, whine, repeat?

You can join a dance class, go to meetups, do volunteering, try yoga (acro Yoga my favourite), go to group gym classes, organize treks, events, hikes, meetups, go hitchhiking or go to Asia.

It's up to You to either spend Your days alone or with other people. Just say "hi, how are You doing?" to people in events. Everybody is looking for someone to bond with.

Unless You are really shy or only care about Your job and making money.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#907

Post by _khau »

55555 wrote: post #767
soulofmischief wrote: post #759

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Suicide rates have skyrocketed for middle-aged white men in the US. They are now the highest statistic. [0] It's happening already. • Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US. • The age-adjusted suicide rate in 2017 was 14.0 per 100,000 individuals. • In 2017, men died by suicide 3.54x more often than women. • White males accounted for 69.67% of suicide deaths in 2017. [0] https://afsp.org/about-suicide/s…

> men died by suicide 3.54x more often than women That's a very interesting statistic considering women attempt suicide 1.2x more than men.

I read once that women tend to do it for attention; like a cry for help in ways likely to fail such as pills, wrist cuts etc.

Men to do it to end their own existence and choose things like hanging, gunshot, jumping off a bridge etc.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#908

Post by CapricornNoble »

dgzl wrote: post #863
JimboOmega wrote: post #693

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a woman, there are definitely times I don't want to deal with a driver hitting on me. It happens annoyingly frequently, and it's this delicate social situation that requires more mental effort to negotiate than I want to give it. Friendly conversation (with men and women both) is fine and I've engaged in plenty. But if a driver is too busy telling me just how beautiful I am and as a result drives me to the cargo p…

> and it's this delicate social situation that requires more mental effort to negotiate than I want to give it I understand what you're saying, and I recognize the blessing/curse that comes with attracting people. However, as I've become an adult with a career and have left essentially all my friends behind, I've realized that making new friends is incredibly difficult. Even worse is trying to find dating partners. L…

>Not to excuse the behavior of your drivers, but you should understand that men are having a difficult time with approaching women these days. We feel really inadequate and sort of aimless. The dating world is seriously dangerous right now and to be honest

Are you in the US? Leave it. Seriously, I encourage all men to become expats if they don't already have children in the US that they are trying to raise. Just completely abandon a system and society that is failing to meet your needs. If you feel inadequate, ask yourself A) by whose metrics? and B) why?. Go to the gym, dress better. Have goals in your life (outside of dating) that you aggressively pursue. The US dating scene is increasingly insane, and men don't even realize it because they aren't exposed to kind, helpful, friendly, feminine women that are simply abundant in other cultures (or even in Flyover states, if you look there).

And finally:

> there isn't a lot of guidance from women

The more women you date, the more you will realize that most dating "guidance" from women is absolutely useless. The cognitive dissonance most of them have will blow your mind when you witness it first-hand. And women don't want a man that they have to "guide" anyway. They want to attach themselves to a guy who's got his sh*t together and knows what he wants.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#909

Post by ionised »

paganel wrote: post #644

> Especially now that Uber has a STFU option I never understood why people are so against talking to the people that give them a ride. I once was in a very rough spot in my life and talking with taxi-drivers almost daily about the most trivial stuff (weather, politics, traffic) used to give me a very healthy reprieve from the black thoughts I used to have.

I've never been interested in talking to my taxi driver.

I will if they initiate conversation just to be polite, but I'd really rather just be left alone to stare out the window and think.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#910

Post by _khau »

rco8786 wrote: post #482
nugget wrote: post #15

Whatever it is today, I fear the future will be much worse. The most devastating existential consequences of loneliness can take decades to manifest. You feel a little lonely in your day to day life now, but wake up twenty years from now and realize you're socially isolated with no meaningful relationships or community and it's "too late" to make up the lost time. Most dangerous of all may be that online social netwo…

> Whatever it is today, I fear the future will be much worse. This is an easy trap for humans to fall into. "The sky is falling" type stuff. Humans have faced lots of problems over the millenia, but the reality is that our lives continue to improve as a whole..not get worse.

> but the reality is that our lives continue to improve as a whole..not get worse.

This is true for some, not others.

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