The end of neighbours • Hacker News Board

Re: The end of neighbours

#91

Post by l33tbro » Tue, Aug 12, 2014, 1:37 AM UTC

I was moving furniture last night. In the rain. Pissing down. Had one friend with me hauling stuff from van to doorstep. My 'neighbour', who I've never met, simply stood on his doorstep (our houses touch one another) and didn't even say 'hi', let alone ask if we needed a hand.

Was I pissed at this? I thought it was a little rude. But on reflection, I don't really care too much. In fact, I prefer it this way. I like choosing my friends and have a diverse cast of hand-picked co-conspirators in my life. So I enjoy that, today, I am no longer geographically obligated to make chit-chat to this uncouth guy next door.

This is what this article misses. It directly correlates the old archetype of a buzzing neighbourhood with the issue of loneliness and it's health impacts. It's a false pretense that the article was written on, and it conforms to the Luddite pandering to 'the good old days before computer' that at one point it actually mocks.

I'm sure if the guy next doors house was on fire, I'd help him out. But I can live with the idea of him not coming around to borrow a cup of flour.

Re: The end of neighbours

#92

Post by tacoman » Tue, Aug 12, 2014, 1:43 AM UTC

pge wrote: post #78

kilroy123 wrote: post #55

My entire adult life, I haven't known any of my neighbors, until recently. One day about 8 months ago, we got a note on the door from new neighbors. They were having a "floor party" and invited everyone on the floor to their place. Almost everyone on the floor, reluctantly went to the party expecting it to be awkward. We all ended up drunk and hanging out until 2 am. Turns out, pretty much everyone on the floor was a…

To me, this is the key - someone has to take the initiative. Once you realize that everyone is in the same boat; being that person can be uncomfortable but incredibly rewarding. Invite everyone over. Someone has to do it, and everyone else will be grateful.

I live in a newish neighbourhood. There were about 8 households that moved in within the same 2 months. One couple decided to have a get-together and put flyers in mailboxes (in January in Canada). 10 years later, some of the people I met that night have become my best friends. The folks that took the initiative are long gone, but what they did for the neighbourhood with that one leaflet has had a real impact.

Re: The end of neighbours

#93

Post by erikpukinskis » Tue, Aug 12, 2014, 1:50 AM UTC

The goal of capitalism is to systematically disconnect us from every thing we need so it can be sold back to us.

Neighbor are free, so they have to go.

Re: The end of neighbours

#94

Post by santaclaus » Tue, Aug 12, 2014, 1:54 AM UTC

scoofy wrote: post #41

Good to see they finally point the finger at what is fairly certainly the culprit: the automobile. When i lived in NYC, i knew most of my neighbors. Why? because we literally bumped into each other coming in and out of the building. When you have a common destination (subway, bus, market, etc), it's nice to have someone to chat with, but when your commute is in an automobile, you never get a chance to ask. Living roo…

Where in NYC? I find it really varies. At present in Bushwick, none of my neighbors talk or even make eye contact in the hallways, it is a pretty strange social situation. It is in pretty stark contrast to when I lived in Park Slope, where I would run into people in local bars, etc.

Re: The end of neighbours

#95

Post by elwell » Tue, Aug 12, 2014, 2:09 AM UTC

After spending last week at my grandparents' North Carolina mountain house, I was encouraged to find they regularly have neighbors over for dinner. I must admit, I only know one of my neighbors' names at my apartment in LA.

Re: The end of neighbours

#96

Post by groby_b » Tue, Aug 12, 2014, 2:14 AM UTC

lutusp wrote: post #35

A quote from the article: "We have evolved for it, to the extent that those surrounded by a tight-knit group of friends who regularly gather to eat—and, crucially, gossip—live an average of 15 years longer than loners." A = alive 15 years longer than the average. B = meets friends and gossips. The claim, made by a psychologist (of course), fails to take into account the fact that correlation doesn't equal causation.…

And before we roll out Internet tropes about correlation and causation, maybe we should first read the underlying studies.

The article fails horribly by not quoting any of them, but here's a good starting point: http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1G2-3402200381.html

Or, if you want a list from the guy who did the initial investigations into the phenomenon, start here: http://www.psc.isr.umich.edu/people/profile/478/James_S_Hous...

I'm far from an expert on the topic, but from what I read, a causal relationship is at the least very strongly implied.

Re: The end of neighbours

#97

Post by im_a_lawyer » Tue, Aug 12, 2014, 2:22 AM UTC

free2rhyme214 wrote: post #5

And what is the solution? Everyone here has instant communication and if you have even a small social life, such as many who work hard all the time for their dreams, you can still see friends once a week and family once a month or every other month. It's not a great idea to compare today to yesteryear because back then they didn't have facebook, twitter, iPhones, Skype, Google hangouts, the internet etc.

Stop subsidizing this: http://newshour-tc.pbs.org/newshour/wp-content/uploads/2014/...

Re: The end of neighbours

#98

Post by a3n » Tue, Aug 12, 2014, 2:30 AM UTC

pge wrote: post #78

kilroy123 wrote: post #55

My entire adult life, I haven't known any of my neighbors, until recently. One day about 8 months ago, we got a note on the door from new neighbors. They were having a "floor party" and invited everyone on the floor to their place. Almost everyone on the floor, reluctantly went to the party expecting it to be awkward. We all ended up drunk and hanging out until 2 am. Turns out, pretty much everyone on the floor was a…

To me, this is the key - someone has to take the initiative. Once you realize that everyone is in the same boat; being that person can be uncomfortable but incredibly rewarding. Invite everyone over. Someone has to do it, and everyone else will be grateful.

> someone has to take the initiative

Like this guy: http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=dancing+hill+guy

Re: The end of neighbours

#99

Post by a3n » Tue, Aug 12, 2014, 2:41 AM UTC

AnimalMuppet wrote: post #44

scoofy wrote: post #41

Good to see they finally point the finger at what is fairly certainly the culprit: the automobile. When i lived in NYC, i knew most of my neighbors. Why? because we literally bumped into each other coming in and out of the building. When you have a common destination (subway, bus, market, etc), it's nice to have someone to chat with, but when your commute is in an automobile, you never get a chance to ask. Living roo…

Unfortunately, you cannot now fix it by removing the automobile. Now, even when you bump into people, you don't have a conversation, because they're on their headphones or texting on their phone or whatever. Nobody's available to talk to, even if you would be willing to do so.

When I see people standing with their head down, cradling their device in their hand, I imagine Cthulu's tentacles reaching up from the device, sucking their souls out.

Cradle Your Device: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-GhETtqN_I

Re: The end of neighbours

#100

Post by legohead » Tue, Aug 12, 2014, 2:56 AM UTC

guyzero wrote: post #20

wehadfun wrote: post #6

Nieghbors have caused so many problems that people don't want them. Google "HOA hell" for more info.

Neighbours and HOAs are two completely different things. I'm not sure what your point is in conflating them.

they are different "things" but still related. HOAs tell you what you can and cannot do. who created those rules? the people of the neighborhood at some point in time.

I want to paint my house green -- NOPE, neighbors #3, 5, 16, and 20 think green is stupid, and since nobody else had anything to say about it at the rules meeting, I can't do it.

when I moved to into my house we were thrown right between two feuding houses. and as it turns out, the disagreement in place affected us as well (about children playing outside). we ended up leading the fight at the HOA meetings while others, who had voiced their support to us directly and said they would show up, didn't show up. long story short, old lady got sent to the hospital over the stress of the situation, and we won. but there's a happy ending -- we became good friends with old lady, she has married and moved on :)