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How to tell when someone is lying?

newyorker.com

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Re: How to tell when someone is lying?

#91

Post by melvinmt »

sirdogealot wrote: post #69

Maybe it's just that the article was written by a woman. (As I could easily see my significant other behaving in this manner when she was "out with her girlfriends".) But, does anybody on HN actually relate to this paragraph below? >I might open a conversation, for instance, by saying how nice it is to meet someone—when I’m really not at all happy about it. I might go on to say that I grew up in Boston—a lie, technic…

Don't take this the wrong way, but in my experience, people who feel they are morally obliged to "always tell the truth and nothing but the truth" have low social skills. Whereas the primary goal of the lying woman from the article is to make people feeling comfortable around her, by withholding the naked truth from them.

You exemplify that with the "nice to meet you" and "pretty good, how are you" examples. You don't want to act weird, so you lie.

Re: How to tell when someone is lying?

#92

Post by conanbatt »

justinreeves wrote: post #68
conanbatt wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I read once that experienced detectives are worse at telling lies than rookies. The article theorized that old-timey detectives get very confident on their intuition and experience, so they assume they are right on a hunch sooner than rookies. The latter, unexperienced as they are,look harder at the facts and are more humble about guessing right or wrong. There is something dangerous in believing you have the key to…

>Criminal profilers might qualify as experts in court, saying someone "fits the profile", helping the state make a case, while their profiling could be totally wrong, as it was in the famous sniper case, where they went with the classic "middle aged caucasian" and the killer was black and with his son(?) as an accomplice. What case is this? Also, is "middle ages caucasian" some kind of trope in police investigations?…

It is for serial killers. They probably assume that because of statistics(most serial killers are white), and not a psychological profile.

Re: How to tell when someone is lying?

#93

Post by ph0rque »

sejje wrote: post #57
ph0rque wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We know conventionally that he lives 'somewhere around Boston' When Americans ask me where I was born, I don't say the actual country that no longer exists (USSR) nor the country that it is called now (Kazakhstan). I simply say Russia. The reason is that it's simpler for Americans to understand Russia.

What makes you think we understand Russia better than we understand Kazakhstan? Maybe you wish to have imparted your culture or something, however I don't expect most people have any reasonable idea what the culture is like in neither Russia nor Kazakhstan. Are you just hoping they know where it is on the map?

I should have expounded: I am ethnically Russian, as both of my parents' families moved from Russia to Kazakhstan when it was all USSR. So if I were to say I was born in Kazakhstan, most Americans would have no idea where it is. Those that know something about Kazakhstan would ask why I don't look Kazakh. Thus I just answer with Russia.

Re: How to tell when someone is lying?

#94

Post by sirdogealot »

melvinmt wrote: post #91
sirdogealot wrote: post #69

Maybe it's just that the article was written by a woman. (As I could easily see my significant other behaving in this manner when she was "out with her girlfriends".) But, does anybody on HN actually relate to this paragraph below? >I might open a conversation, for instance, by saying how nice it is to meet someone—when I’m really not at all happy about it. I might go on to say that I grew up in Boston—a lie, technic…

Don't take this the wrong way, but in my experience, people who feel they are morally obliged to "always tell the truth and nothing but the truth" have low social skills. Whereas the primary goal of the lying woman from the article is to make people feeling comfortable around her, by withholding the naked truth from them. You exemplify that with the "nice to meet you" and "pretty good, how are you" examples. You don'…

From my own very biased experience of having lots of close friends and never a dull moment, all whilst working alone for most of the day in my apartment... perhaps I do have low social skills, but it doesn't seem to affect me in a negative manner.

I choose to know a small number of people very well. It doesn't interest me to know a large number of people hardly at all.

If I wanted to "up my social skills" and "gain tons of 'friends'" I could easily do that I would think. Simply by mimicing the flaky personality described in the article and sure, everyone loves a yes-man.

Re: How to tell when someone is lying?

#95

Post by sirdogealot »

thaumasiotes wrote: post #90
StavrosK wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's not a lie because nobody expects the question to be answered with accuracy. It's just a topic that may start a conversation, so the more interesting you can make the answer, the better. Hell, starting with the last one, where you say exactly where it is, and even going on to describe what it's like, what's nice about it, etc is the way the question was INTENDED to be answered.

> It's not a lie because nobody expects the question to be answered with accuracy. Well, if Michael Corleone takes the stand to affirm that he doesn't know what anyone is talking about, he is not and has never been a mob boss, and in fact no one in his family has ever been a mob boss, that won't surprise anyone (they might be surprised that he agreed to testify in the first place, but no one will be surprised by what…

OP was referring to 'nobody' as being the general public. Not a mob-boss on trial that the FBI has been following for decades.

Re: How to tell when someone is lying?

#96

Post by ZenPro »

analog31 wrote: post #64
ZenPro wrote: post #15

As a former MI interrogator, this was part of my skillset. For the average layman looking to spot lies within a complex story there is an exceptionally simply method known as reverse chronological testing It works best for people you know are purposefully lying and you need a hook or a fallacy for proof. 1. Ask the person to recount their version of events. >> Oh so you went out with the girls at 7pm, then what happe…

I have a harder time reciting the alphabet backwards than forwards.

So?

Re: How to tell when someone is lying?

#97

Post by ZenPro »

User9821 wrote: post #62
JoshTriplett wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That works against a remarkably stupid questioner who repeats the same question. More efficiently, so does this: Did you steal it? >> No Did you steal it? >> What makes you think asking the same question again will get a different answer? Did you steal it? (Silence) And in a court, the second question would prompt an objection of "asked and answered" for the same reason. On the other hand, a better questioner would a…

Or go in circles. A: Ok, you didn't steal it, but where were you last night? B: I went out after I had dinner to meet my friend Bob for a drink. Fast forward 20 minutes... A: So let me confirm this one more time, you were busy last night, had dinner with your friend Bob, then went out for a drink? Gauge their response, see if they correct you and say no, they met Bob after dinner, sticking to their original facts.

The answer to your first question would be

>> "Does it matter where I was? You just said I didn't steal it. So you believe me right?"

Now your questioning has gone off the rails and your subject has placed the emphasis on you justifying your reasoning.

Even the follow up questions you have utterly smack of a Columbo-like approach which really only works in movies.

>> A: So let me confirm this one more time, you were busy last night, had dinner with your friend Bob, then went out for a drink?

Response : "Why do you need it confirmed? We have been over this. Are you asking if I was busy all night?"

^^

Not to mention in your own example you have proven why you would be terrible at this.

You wrote the answer of the subject as saying I went out after I had dinner to meet my friend Bob for a drink.

Then you tried to follow up with "...had dinner with your friend Bob.

At no point did the subject say that, they said they had dinner and then met Bob for a drink. So you are seeking a false confirmation for a version of events the questioner has manufactured.

Re: How to tell when someone is lying?

#98

Post by thaumasiotes »

sirdogealot wrote: post #95
thaumasiotes wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It's not a lie because nobody expects the question to be answered with accuracy. Well, if Michael Corleone takes the stand to affirm that he doesn't know what anyone is talking about, he is not and has never been a mob boss, and in fact no one in his family has ever been a mob boss, that won't surprise anyone (they might be surprised that he agreed to testify in the first place, but no one will be surprised by what…

OP was referring to 'nobody' as being the general public. Not a mob-boss on trial that the FBI has been following for decades.

...and that's exactly the way I interpret it in my response?

Re: How to tell when someone is lying?

#99

Post by vonnik »

nitrogen wrote: post #38
vonnik wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, I totally get it. I'm not saying they are absolute tells. But let's say you talk with somebody about an easy subject, during which they behave one way, and then you turn the discussion to a more sensitive topic that you suspect they may lie about. If they change their behavior from the established benchmark, then that can be one indicator in your diagnosis.

Couldn't it also just indicate that you've switched from an easy to a difficult subject? All you're really reading is emotion, which may or may not indicate deception.

Sure. But if you're asking someone where they were at the time of a crime -- e.g. Were you at Nicole Brown Simpson's house yesterday at 7pm? -- and that turns out to be a really difficult question for a person to answer, then maybe that's a signal that something more is going on.
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