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Being alone

jessepollak.me

91–100 of 167 posts

Re: Being alone

#91
post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you disagree with the author? Depending on where you live, his point is very valid. As a resident of Canada, I feel that I live in a fairly progressive, culturally diverse society. Yet even here, I have heard friends of different ethnicities complain about racial issues. Not all racial or gender divisions are obvious; exclusion or denial of privilege is harder to spot.

As another resident of Canada, I have to completely disagree with you. I have to pay $20,000 for my schooling. My first nations friends pay nothing, it's covered by tax payers. This includes numerous other benefits that I do not get. In Canada, unfortunately it can often seem like the minority have more privileges. That's not equality, to me.

Trust me, I know how you feel. I was a National Merit Semifinalist while my friend with far weaker academics was an Hispanic National Merit Finalist and won a full-ride to her college of choice. As a white male, it was a little annoying going down the list of scholarships and having precious few open to me.

The thing to understand about racism is that it's a societal thing, not an individual thing. Discrimination against an individual can be racist, but only if it contributes to the racism of a society. (I know, the academic usage of "racism" is unfortunately a little different than the colloquial usage)

In your individual case, you might not be as privileged as the students around you, but your race certainly is. I don't know much about Canada, but Native Americans have quantifiably rough lives. On average they make less, are more likely to become alcoholics, and are less likely to make it through college.

It's not about what your ancestors did. People bring that up a lot but you shouldn't be held accountable for the actions of people you never met just because you're related to them. In fact, you aren't held accountable. But you still have to deal with the society we live in as a result of the actions your ancestors took. That society is deeply inequal, and by providing things like scholarships we're accelerating progress in equality that traditionally takes decades to come about.

Re: Being alone

#92
post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

Agreed! Way to apologize for your sex, race and orientation in one swell foop and act like it seriously informs someones decisions to go to parties, get out there, whatever. "Should I just go out tonight? Hmm, am I white, straight and male?" Derrrrrrrrrrp

Re: Being alone

#93
post #16

> I might stand in a corner by myself staring awkwardly at my phone Word of advice to anyone who might be anxious going out alone: don't bring your phone. If you're just going to distract yourself with it because you feel less awkward, you might as well stay home, because you're depriving yourself of the opportunity to notice what's going on. If you just go and actually pay attention, there will be opportunities to p…

I'd probably need my phone just to be able to find the place.

Re: Being alone

#94
post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Let's say things are set up to pander to the majority, even when it puts a minority at a disadvantage. What is the argument for making things harder for the majority, to equalize things for the minority? On average, society would come out worse, so you'd have to argue that equality itself is more valuable than any advantage for the majority.

> What is the argument for making things harder for the majority, to equalize things for the minority? Nobody is arguing to make things harder or worse for those with privilege. Generally people are asking for equal consideration and opportunity and a recognition of past and existing injustice.

Well you may not be, but many people are.

Re: Being alone

#95

One of the best things I've ever done for myself is pack up and move to another country - just to get out of the cultural bubble we all get wrapped up in. Culture is nothing but a bunch of lies; when you shift from one to the other and give yourself a reset, you see just how much this brings to bear on the individual. Eventually, dealing with a foreign language and strange people can be quite enlightening, if you tre…

>One of the best things I've ever done for myself is pack up and move to another country.

Having done this 4 times now, I can't tell you how true this is (as is the rest of fit2rule's post).

To anyone thinking about it, find a way to do it and take the plunge. There's no way in hell you'll regret it.

Re: Being alone

#96
post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you disagree with the author? Depending on where you live, his point is very valid. As a resident of Canada, I feel that I live in a fairly progressive, culturally diverse society. Yet even here, I have heard friends of different ethnicities complain about racial issues. Not all racial or gender divisions are obvious; exclusion or denial of privilege is harder to spot.

As a heterosexual white male it was very interesting to learn that all the thing I have been denied because of my race and gender should have been a privilege and that I have never actually been an outsider and have actually been the cause of everyone's loneliness instead of legitimately feeling it myself.

What a sad life we've been leading!! CAN'T....GO.....ON.....

Re: Being alone

#97
post #65
post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am thinking the same things. At some point you have to make friends from scratch. They aren't just given to you. As for the "doing things alone" I've noticed that people don't like doing that. Traveling, going to see a movie, or attending an event all seem to be things that have a stigma attached to doing them solo.

People (in general) don't like OTHER people doing that. They assume that the person going solo is lonely, sad, and is generally someone to be pitied, mocked, or both. The stigma is not attached by the people going solo, it's attached by everyone else.

Assuming that's true -- so what? Who cares what a bunch of people you'll never see or talk to again in your life think about you?

It's like Eleanor Roosevelt said (more or less: http://quoteinvestigator.com/2011/03/30/not-inferior/): "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Not doing something you want to do because "they'll all laugh at me" is you giving your consent to being made to feel inferior. Their opinion only matters because you make it matter, by caring about it enough to let it stop you from doing something you want to do.

You may feel like their opinion puts shackles around your ankles, but really the shackles only exist in your mind. Stop believing in them and they disappear.

Re: Being alone

#98
post #28

This reads like a talk that someone would give at orientation in college... does the tech community in SF really need this much help socializing?

I am thinking the same things. At some point you have to make friends from scratch. They aren't just given to you. As for the "doing things alone" I've noticed that people don't like doing that. Traveling, going to see a movie, or attending an event all seem to be things that have a stigma attached to doing them solo.

I went to a restaurant alone once. I was a teenager; this was almost 10 years ago.

I remember my conversation with the hostess going something like this:

Hostess: "So...just one today?"

Me: "Yep."

Hostess: "Oh.. Do you want me to bring you a magazine or something?"

Re: Being alone

#99
post #46

I feel this is something that happens when people work at startups, especially early stage ones. There is such pressure to work with your small team and put all your time and effort into this startup (like all of the people who brag about working 80 or 100 weeks --- or the OP mentioning taking a nap at the office on friday night), that you are really sacrificing opportunity to build or maintain friendships with a wid…

This is complicated for me because I'm not 21 just yet, so I bars and dating are often out. And all my college friends are still in school, so those friends don't exist yet. :) Regardless, the point still stands: finding balance is important. Really, although I didn't explicitly say it when I wrote this, this piece was a lot about finding that balance. For the first time in awhile, I broke away from the people I spen…

That is great. That is basically the point I am trying to make, which is that you should allocate some percentage of your time and energy to meet new people, which I think in particular in the startup world is not necessarily encouraged as much as it should be. However it sounds like you are well on your way :)

Re: Being alone

#100
post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

Oh, good. It's not just me. > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege This is crazy, intellectually debilitating blabber. And just wrong on a blog[1]. We already allowed lawyers and CYA politicians to slap warning labels on everything (despite the fact that it's counter-productive[2]). Are we now going to put disclaimers on private blogs? Or is it li…

> This is crazy, intellectually debilitating blabber.

Would you care to elaborate on what's crazy and intellectually debilitating about the sentence you quoted? I know people that would agree completely with that sentence, so I'd be curious to hear your perspective and why you feel it's wrong.

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