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The Lethality of Loneliness

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Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#91

Post by Mz »

breakupapp wrote: post #90
alashley wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know what you mean. A friend of mine was saying he was heavily into the party scene in the years before he met his now fiancée. He said meeting her earlier would have saved him years of going out to clubs for the sake of not feeling lonely. And of course a lot of use feel like it is easier to meet someone when we don't have our walls up. But most connections made at a club are superficial at best like you said.

So what's a good solution to shortening the time it takes to meet one's fiancée?

Possibly not clubbing to begin with. That does not usually lead to marriage.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#92

Post by kpennell »

hosh wrote: post #80
virtualwhys wrote: post #20

and then there are the twinkle eyed ones that spend huge amounts of time alone (hermits, monks/nuns on long term solo retreat). It probably has less to do with being alone than feeling alone. For lay people, however, living alone in the world goes against the grain; hard not to feel like an odd ball. Something the article does not touch on is accepting the reality of alone-ness: we're all alone together (quote from a…

It does have more to do with feeling alone. Hermits, monks, nuns, sages, sadhus, ascetics, cultivators, shamans, mind travellers from all around the world of different wisdom traditions typically have essentially the same practice. Each is looking into themselves to gain insights about the world. This insight is at the core of everything: We live in an *illusion* that we are separate from each other. This is at the c…

great comment

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#93

Post by saraid216 »

breakupapp wrote: post #90
alashley wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know what you mean. A friend of mine was saying he was heavily into the party scene in the years before he met his now fiancée. He said meeting her earlier would have saved him years of going out to clubs for the sake of not feeling lonely. And of course a lot of use feel like it is easier to meet someone when we don't have our walls up. But most connections made at a club are superficial at best like you said.

So what's a good solution to shortening the time it takes to meet one's fiancée?

Do things. Do things that bring you into contact with other people: namely, working with colleagues, rather than customers. (So a soup kitchen counts, but being a solo consultant doesn't.) When they invite you out for doing stuff, join in. You can back out the second time if you don't enjoy it. Get to know as many of them as you can. Share your interests; listen to theirs.

You'll run into someone interested in you soon enough.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#95

Post by hosh »

kpennell wrote: post #92
hosh wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It does have more to do with feeling alone. Hermits, monks, nuns, sages, sadhus, ascetics, cultivators, shamans, mind travellers from all around the world of different wisdom traditions typically have essentially the same practice. Each is looking into themselves to gain insights about the world. This insight is at the core of everything: We live in an *illusion* that we are separate from each other. This is at the c…

great comment

Thanks!

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#96

Post by DLwdTxdU6smHQA »

Mz wrote: post #89
btipling wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I remember anecdotes about increase in stress and social obligations, which makes sense I think. You can imagine maybe a failed business person with unwanted attention as in the case of Bernard Madoff son, or the story of exemplary high achieving students who unfortunately end their life. Such a case was in my local news recently in Albany, CA, and when I heard of her tragedy I thought of this then too.

I was STAR student, national merit scholarship winner, etc and also an abused child who attempted suicide at age 17, which was treated at school like I was an embarrassment and fuck-up rather than being met with concern. I walked away from the limelight and chose a quieter life. I am 47 and (obviously) still alive. Many years later, I also went through lengthy withdrawal from medication rather publically (online). Ag…

Is there anything positive for you about being in the public with your story? If it were all negative, why continue with it?

edit: this might sound judicial, which is not what i intend. What I want to say is: you do continue to be in the public - what is your motivation to do so?

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#97

Post by anaon12 »

I'm probably entering the most lonely stage of my life at the moment, having my 3rd alcohol related arrest has really pushed me further down the hole.

Despite all of my legal problems, I'm still holding down the same job, but I feel at my age I've really done myself in. Obviously booze is a problem of which I've completely eradicated from my life over the past 2 months. The really sad part is I'm well adjusted otherwise and I graduated from a top CS program. I've wanted to work abroad but I feel I'm trapped now by my past and I'm really out of options to socialize on any meaningful level. I don't really know what to do at this point. This article spelled out a life of doom for me.

For what its worth I'm 28 and have 2 duis and a public intox charge.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#98

Post by guylhem »

hosh wrote: post #80
virtualwhys wrote: post #20

and then there are the twinkle eyed ones that spend huge amounts of time alone (hermits, monks/nuns on long term solo retreat). It probably has less to do with being alone than feeling alone. For lay people, however, living alone in the world goes against the grain; hard not to feel like an odd ball. Something the article does not touch on is accepting the reality of alone-ness: we're all alone together (quote from a…

It does have more to do with feeling alone. Hermits, monks, nuns, sages, sadhus, ascetics, cultivators, shamans, mind travellers from all around the world of different wisdom traditions typically have essentially the same practice. Each is looking into themselves to gain insights about the world. This insight is at the core of everything: We live in an *illusion* that we are separate from each other. This is at the c…

Best comment of this article IMHO. Posting this just to catch the reader eye and maybe encourage 1 more person to read it.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#99

Post by breakupapp »

saraid216 wrote: post #93
breakupapp wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So what's a good solution to shortening the time it takes to meet one's fiancée?

Do things. Do things that bring you into contact with other people: namely, working with colleagues , rather than customers. (So a soup kitchen counts, but being a solo consultant doesn't.) When they invite you out for doing stuff, join in. You can back out the second time if you don't enjoy it. Get to know as many of them as you can. Share your interests; listen to theirs. You'll run into someone interested in you s…

thanks!

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#100

Post by navs »

LoganCale wrote: post #94
navs wrote: post #16

So what do you folks do to combat loneliness? I've tried meetup.com but the groups I joined haven't quite worked out for me. Outside of work acquaintances and classmates, I don't socialize.

I joined a weekly hiking group.

I'm considering this myself. Did you find you needed prior experience before partaking?
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