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Don’t Waste Your Twenties

artofmanliness.com

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Re: Don’t Waste Your Twenties

#91

Post by papsosouid »

graeme wrote: post #77
acabal wrote: post #5

I hate these kinds of articles because they can put tremendous pressure on people. There isn't a "right" way to spend your twenties (or thirties, or any decade) and comparing yourself to Einstein and Newton and Kepler like this article does is worse than counterproductive. The only way you should concern yourself with living is to try to be happy every day, whatever that means to you. Listening to pundits showing you…

Some people do need to hear this though. I spent ages 15-23 playing video games for hours. I could have learned programming in that time. (Probably would have, if someone had told me that programming existed) It was fun at the time, but not really fun to reminisce on (unlike partying, which I don't regret). If I could say two things to my younger self, 'ditch video games and do something with more value' would be the…

You feel that you would have been better off hearing that, but you're also forgetting that some people will feel the exact opposite. I also spent my late teenage years playing video games. I do not regret it at all, and I have tons of great memories of that time in my life. If I were to give younger me advice it would be to relax and enjoy yourself while you don't have bigger things to worry about.

Re: Don’t Waste Your Twenties

#93

Post by tiredoffps »

graeme wrote: post #77
acabal wrote: post #5

I hate these kinds of articles because they can put tremendous pressure on people. There isn't a "right" way to spend your twenties (or thirties, or any decade) and comparing yourself to Einstein and Newton and Kepler like this article does is worse than counterproductive. The only way you should concern yourself with living is to try to be happy every day, whatever that means to you. Listening to pundits showing you…

Some people do need to hear this though. I spent ages 15-23 playing video games for hours. I could have learned programming in that time. (Probably would have, if someone had told me that programming existed) It was fun at the time, but not really fun to reminisce on (unlike partying, which I don't regret). If I could say two things to my younger self, 'ditch video games and do something with more value' would be the…

Screw that. There's a thing called balance. I would never trade my time going out/video gaming for more hours of programming. I balanced fun and work and I would consider my career successful. Youth is something you only have for so long. You still have 30+ years to program hardcore after your 30s.

Re: Don’t Waste Your Twenties

#94

Post by pm90 »

VLM wrote: post #46

My advice to the kids or the weak willed reading either the article or the HN commentary is to study the wikipedia article for "survivorship bias" and think really hard about how if you're only "beginning things" in your 20s and "building things" in 30s etc then you're doing it horribly wrong. For a small fraction of people who are very lucky this is almost useful, but everyone else needs be able to handle what could…

This sounds like really good advice, thanks for sharing!

Re: Don’t Waste Your Twenties

#95

Post by jessriedel »

theorique wrote: post #85
jessriedel wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Isn't that the opposite of the original sentence I quoted?

It could be. I think if a person's "happiness every day" is "smoke crack and gamble in search of a short-lived rush", he needs to reevaluate, because that won't serve long term happiness. OTOH, if a person's "happiness every day" is "do yoga, spend time with family, and work reasonable hours at a job he enjoys", then that's a good idea. Ideally, the short term and the long term are reasonably aligned, otherwise you g…

In that case, "happiness every day" is a uselessly vague term.

Re: Don’t Waste Your Twenties

#96

Post by kylebrown »

graeme wrote: post #77
acabal wrote: post #5

I hate these kinds of articles because they can put tremendous pressure on people. There isn't a "right" way to spend your twenties (or thirties, or any decade) and comparing yourself to Einstein and Newton and Kepler like this article does is worse than counterproductive. The only way you should concern yourself with living is to try to be happy every day, whatever that means to you. Listening to pundits showing you…

Some people do need to hear this though. I spent ages 15-23 playing video games for hours. I could have learned programming in that time. (Probably would have, if someone had told me that programming existed) It was fun at the time, but not really fun to reminisce on (unlike partying, which I don't regret). If I could say two things to my younger self, 'ditch video games and do something with more value' would be the…

I've recently been appreciating Cal Newport's latest book "So Good They Can't Ignore You". Wish I was able to read it when I was younger, but like most I was caught up with the "find your passion" hypothesis. The book deconstructs this passion hypothesis for a fallacy, and prescribes a craftsman mindset ("what can I offer the world?") over a passion mindset ("what can the world offer me?").

Don't worry about finding your true calling, just get good at something which few other people are good at (skills in low supply - so not video games, sports, etc). Get good by doing "deep work", not just superficial exposure. This Ira Glass quote spoke directly to me: "I feel like your problem is that you're trying to judge all things in the abstract before you do them. That's your tragic mistake."

Doing "something with value" requires (valuable, low supply) skills ("skills trump passion". skills also trump courage, as in the "all it takes is courage to follow your dreams" message of courage culture from which comes the OP article). Developing skills requires deep work. The deep approach is to narrow the focus from "be good at math" or "be good at programming", or even "understand functional programming". This is the broad/abstract approach I've had in the past, which, in retrospect at the ripe old age of 28, has not worked super well.

New plan is to hone a craft by choosing to work intensely with "this particular design pattern" or "this particular javascript library" (looking at you d3). Most importantly, to get good at building stuff by building stuff (craftsman mindset). Get good first, because you won't become passionate about something you're not good at.

Re: Don’t Waste Your Twenties

#97

Post by cynest »

saryant wrote: post #80
jacques_chester wrote: post #45

I lost my 20s to depression and to the aftermath of depression. I used to be grumpy about it. However there is a thin thread of causality that leads me to the life I lead now. It's pretty good and I think it will get better. Also: The Art of Manliness is played-out schtick. Manhood doesn't come from reading about manhood on a website whose incentives are skewed to making you read more.

> However there is a thin thread of causality that leads me to the life I lead now. While I'm still early in my 20s this is what I've realized as well. I spent much of 2011 battling depression. That year sucked and I used to wish I hadn't had to go through it and that the events which led to it hadn't happened. Then I realized if that wish came true, I wouldn't have the friends I have today, I wouldn't have had the e…

My experience has been somewhat different. 2012 was a wholly miserable year for me and I honestly feel that it was rather pointless ordeal exacerbated by toxic relationships I lack the means to escape.

Re: Don’t Waste Your Twenties

#98

Post by graeme »

tiredoffps wrote: post #93
graeme wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Some people do need to hear this though. I spent ages 15-23 playing video games for hours. I could have learned programming in that time. (Probably would have, if someone had told me that programming existed) It was fun at the time, but not really fun to reminisce on (unlike partying, which I don't regret). If I could say two things to my younger self, 'ditch video games and do something with more value' would be the…

Screw that. There's a thing called balance. I would never trade my time going out/video gaming for more hours of programming. I balanced fun and work and I would consider my career successful. Youth is something you only have for so long. You still have 30+ years to program hardcore after your 30s.

Right. I didn't learn programming (or anything much of value), so I would have had more balance with less video games and more of some other thing.

That's not going to be true for everyone though.

Re: Don’t Waste Your Twenties

#99

Post by nicholas73 »

I would consider my 20's to be wasted, but yet I'm definitely not the same man I was at 20. So was it really wasted? I have little to show on paper or as paper, but I learned much about myself and others so that I could make better decisions later in life. Basically, I made a ton of mistakes and had my mid-life crisis early. I hope it will be worth the investment.

I also improved my social skills, had a long term relationship, taught myself programming, learn how to have investment failures, quit my job, tried a few jobs, understood my family dynamics, faced my emotional issues from childhood, developed an athletic body, earned a black belt, learned proper nutrition, etc.

So were my 20's wasted? Only because I wish I was 20 again and had more fun. But I'm told 30 is pretty good too.

Edit: I also completed an MS degree during this time, but funny, I completely forgot to include it. It wasn't intentional. The truth is that I don't find it as valuable nor much of an accomplishment as it was just falling into a path not chosen consciously.

Re: Don’t Waste Your Twenties

#100

Post by theorique »

jessriedel wrote: post #95
theorique wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It could be. I think if a person's "happiness every day" is "smoke crack and gamble in search of a short-lived rush", he needs to reevaluate, because that won't serve long term happiness. OTOH, if a person's "happiness every day" is "do yoga, spend time with family, and work reasonable hours at a job he enjoys", then that's a good idea. Ideally, the short term and the long term are reasonably aligned, otherwise you g…

In that case, "happiness every day" is a uselessly vague term.

It could be used as a mantra to remind a person to focus on things that bring him happiness. The details matter, of course.
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