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I do not remember my life and it's fine

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Re: I do not remember my life and it's fine

#91

Post by scruple »

gnat wrote: post #40
lll-o-lll wrote: post #37

I do not remember my life and I’m a bit sad about it. Aphantasia is completely fine - I feel like that makes me better at various things. SDAM just feels like mostly downside. It makes it hard to notice the passage of time, or plan for the future. It makes me sad whenever I look at pictures of my kids, but can’t remember them being young like that. It makes me sad that when I am old, I will not have the memories of m…

Our 23-year old son died two and a half years ago and while I'm sure SDAM helped me to get through the horrible immediate times, it's quite sad to be without a lot of detailed memories and events that I can look back on to relive the good times. On the whole, I'd rather have had a functioning episodic memory. (and my son)

I agree. It isn't a superpower, even if it does help us get beyond the bad times. I mentioned in another comment that my wedding day and the birth of my children are basically like any other day in my life to me. I know they're special but they don't carry much emotional weight.

Re: I do not remember my life and it's fine

#92

Post by khazhoux »

paulcole wrote: post #13
andoando wrote: post #2

> "Write about a time during your university studies in which you faced a difficult problem, and what you did to overcome it." I assume these are difficult for anyone who hasn't prepared for them. I've always attributed this to the fact that we usually never categorize/conceptualize events in these terms in the first place.

What do you mean “hasn’t prepared for them”? Isn’t just living and thinking preparing for questions like this? They’re not that hard.

Unlike you, many of us do not have instant recall of good stories to tell from our previous experiences.

I have jobs I've spent four years at that right now I can only account for what might be 2 months of work. If I stop and think hard, I might squeeze out another 2 months of recollections.

Re: I do not remember my life and it's fine

#93

Post by [deleted] »

bravesoul2 wrote: post #56
awkii wrote: post #42

I have aphantasia, and today I learned that I also have SDAM. There are benefits. For example, I find that I have no issue forgiving people. It's more work for me to harbor a grudge. I don't relive the burden of that initial pain of betrayal when someone close to me harms me, so it's easy to forgive and literally forget. Fun fact: My dreams are very rarely visual.

How do you know you have emotionally forgiven (as in let go) even if you have forgotten? This is a rhetorical question... No need to answer for you situation but I wonder.

[deleted]

Re: I do not remember my life and it's fine

#94

Post by ttiurani »

I realized I have aphantasia, not SDAM, just a year ago or so. Mine is mild because I have visual dreams, but just can't get anything going when I'm awake.

I'm now playing around with visualizations just when I'm falling asleep, when I now notice I actually can do it. To me, seeing pictures in my head just feels very odd and kind of pointless.

Re: I do not remember my life and it's fine

#95

Post by imetatroll »

cstrahan wrote: post #31
paulcole wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What do you mean “hasn’t prepared for them”? Isn’t just living and thinking preparing for questions like this? They’re not that hard.

I often can’t remember what I did the previous week / weekend before that. I’m 36, and this is how I’ve been for as long as I can remember (our high school had alternating daily class schedules, and I very often forgot if the day before was an A schedule or B schedule, as I could recall some random moments in class from the past handful of days but I couldn’t tell if one recollection was of yesterday or the day befor…

I have very similar problems with remembering "events" that people typically like to share. I have traveled to many memorable places (for those who are able to) but my recollection in terms of details that would move a conversation forward is sparse at best. It is really frustrating to be honest. My memory problem spills into work and tech and makes me wonder if I am going to be able to employ myself for the next 20 years (as I need to) or not. The deluge of details and the constant change ... it is exhausting.

Re: I do not remember my life and it's fine

#96

Post by antihipocrat »

zellyn wrote: post #85
OptionOfT wrote: post #10

This is exactly what I experience, and for me, this is a huge issue when it comes to 'selling myself', whether it is in an interview, or writing a self-assessment for a review. And just like the author, I couldn't answer questions about hard problems that I've solved, until someone pointed out a moment where I did something they would call an achievements. Now, at that moment I have the right references. It is still…

Ask people you worked with who have a good impression of you for a list. Better yet, book an hour of video chat and talk through it with them. They will have a lot of examples. Write them down. I mostly blundered my way through this through this recent round of tons of interviews, and by the end of it, my "Tell me about a time when…" doc is actually what it should/could have been at the start!

Before leaving any job, or when updating the CV. I look at my sent folder (comms app) and completed tickets.

List everything and grab the high level doc/ticket summary for each. Remove any business strategy and now you have a list of achievements that can jog the memory

Re: I do not remember my life and it's fine

#97

Post by CMCDragonkai »

OptionOfT wrote: post #10

This is exactly what I experience, and for me, this is a huge issue when it comes to 'selling myself', whether it is in an interview, or writing a self-assessment for a review. And just like the author, I couldn't answer questions about hard problems that I've solved, until someone pointed out a moment where I did something they would call an achievements. Now, at that moment I have the right references. It is still…

Maybe try writing things down?

Re: I do not remember my life and it's fine

#98

Post by fishtoucher »

I think I have a fairly similar experience to the author. Different in some respects, I'm not aphantasic, but I resonate strongly with the lack of autobiographical memory and feeling like an observer in my own history.

I can't describe how many times someone's asked me what I did last weekend and I told them that I did just had a quiet one at home, then later I'm reminded I actually went skiing or something notable that I completely forgot. Not just passing conversations with strangers either, this happens with family just as much.

I take a more pessimistic view on how it affects my life than the author does though. He handwaves the downsides even saying that he '... had learned my lessons from them [trials in university], even though I forgot how they unfolded.' I understand the desire to think that but I'm not sure how you can really justify it. The brain definitely learns to compensate in other ways and I have really unbalanced cognitive tests I took as a kid as evidence, but memory deficiencies are undoubtedly a disadvantage.

Re: I do not remember my life and it's fine

#99

Post by BobbyTables2 »

As I’ve gotten older I realize how little I remember of what happened even a year or two ago. The experience of going on vacations is quickly forgotten.

I remember some major work accomplishments but have some trouble selling myself. (A lot of time and effort was spent on solving problems somewhat artificially created by unique & unusual circumstances).

Re: I do not remember my life and it's fine

#100

Post by usrme »

bravesoul2 wrote: post #47

Yes job interviews love those situational questions. Sure you can keep a diary of what you did every single day (pain in the ass as that is) but then you'll be assumed to be "reading notes" and "suspect they are lying". So this ends up being bias against people.

As someone with aphantasia and SDAM, this is what I've literally done for the past 4-5 years. I've kept a log of every single work day so that I could refer back to what I've done over whatever period as otherwise there is literally no chance I'd be able to recollect much of anything.
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