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Friendship Forever

secretorum.life

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Re: Friendship Forever

#91

Post by TranquilMarmot »

SamoyedFurFluff wrote: post #69
zwkrt wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> getting sick is not worth having a friend Everyone has their own risk analysis. My analysis is that this is totally out of whack. Covid will be around longer than you’ll be alive. Make a friend it won’t kill you. What really gets me though I know people with your level of risk aversion* who force their developing kids into lockdown. I think the cohort born ~2014-2018 are really gonna be an odd bunch. * partial risk…

I think you skipped over “to me” before your quoted text. This tells me they might have some personal reason for their aversion besides aversion itself that makes total sense. Maybe they are a diabetic, cancer survivor, organ donor recipient, or have some other immune-related condition. I’m not a particularly social person and I know plenty of friends I haven’t been able to see without extra precautions because of th…

Thank you. People do no know everybody's situation, and those who come in here saying things like "COVID isn't a big deal" do not know everybody's story.

Re: Friendship Forever

#92

Post by TranquilMarmot »

goldenchrome wrote: post #85
SamoyedFurFluff wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you skipped over “to me” before your quoted text. This tells me they might have some personal reason for their aversion besides aversion itself that makes total sense. Maybe they are a diabetic, cancer survivor, organ donor recipient, or have some other immune-related condition. I’m not a particularly social person and I know plenty of friends I haven’t been able to see without extra precautions because of th…

The elephant in the room is that many people are vulnerable because they suffer from obesity. One third of the population is obese and another one third is overweight. That’s two thirds of the population who could be significantly healthier if they shed their weight. I feel that as a society we have moved on from solving that problem and we now treat it as a cost of living, but it’s an enormous dead weight on society…

This comment is very out of left field. Are you calling me fat? Hahaha

Re: Friendship Forever

#93

Post by TranquilMarmot »

zwkrt wrote: post #42
TranquilMarmot wrote: post #30

The part about remote work removing a driving force for friendships hit me pretty hard. In February of 2020, I had a dozen or so really close friends that I would see every day. We would laugh together, get food together, and work on hard problems together. In March of 2020, we all started working remotely and I haven't seen any of them since. Even if I wanted to, almost all of them have moved to other cities, states…

> getting sick is not worth having a friend Everyone has their own risk analysis. My analysis is that this is totally out of whack. Covid will be around longer than you’ll be alive. Make a friend it won’t kill you. What really gets me though I know people with your level of risk aversion* who force their developing kids into lockdown. I think the cohort born ~2014-2018 are really gonna be an odd bunch. * partial risk…

I am thankful I do not have young children right now. I don't know what I would do!

I am taking the risk of social isolation into account- that is why I say "even though it is wrecking my mental health". It is something I am very aware of.

Re: Friendship Forever

#94

Post by TranquilMarmot »

mccorrinall wrote: post #56
TranquilMarmot wrote: post #30

The part about remote work removing a driving force for friendships hit me pretty hard. In February of 2020, I had a dozen or so really close friends that I would see every day. We would laugh together, get food together, and work on hard problems together. In March of 2020, we all started working remotely and I haven't seen any of them since. Even if I wanted to, almost all of them have moved to other cities, states…

I would have never called them friends in the first place. I have a strict line between friends and acquaintances. Friends are those relationships which I made during childhood. I still keep those relationships up. We have a much stronger bond through the stuff we have been through together. I think friendship needs very strong loyality which is just not given in a normal work environment. Eg I’d never lie in court f…

My "best" friends that I am still in contact with are definitely from childhood. We all live in separate parts of the world now, but if I really needed help I know that they would come, just as I would go to help them.

Re: Friendship Forever

#95

Post by TranquilMarmot »

watwut wrote: post #63
TranquilMarmot wrote: post #30

The part about remote work removing a driving force for friendships hit me pretty hard. In February of 2020, I had a dozen or so really close friends that I would see every day. We would laugh together, get food together, and work on hard problems together. In March of 2020, we all started working remotely and I haven't seen any of them since. Even if I wanted to, almost all of them have moved to other cities, states…

Those people were bound to cease to be friends the moment either of you changes the job. If your crisis is after or relates to loosing a job (due to being sick for long time for example or due to staying at home with a small/sick child for some time), those friendships were bound to break.

This was at a relatively small startup, so we all spent a lot of time together. Those that did leave are/were still in the friend group! I know this is pretty rare in the corporate world, but it really was a "special place" to work.

Re: Friendship Forever

#96

Post by TranquilMarmot »

whoooooo123 wrote: post #82
TranquilMarmot wrote: post #30

The part about remote work removing a driving force for friendships hit me pretty hard. In February of 2020, I had a dozen or so really close friends that I would see every day. We would laugh together, get food together, and work on hard problems together. In March of 2020, we all started working remotely and I haven't seen any of them since. Even if I wanted to, almost all of them have moved to other cities, states…

How old are you? If you're reasonably young, and vaccinated, you really don't need to worry about COVID this badly. Practically everyone I know has had COVID by now and for most of them it was not much worse than catching a cold. COVID is going to be around forever. I don't know why anyone is still letting it disrupt their lives.

I'm 30 (I think that's reasonably young?) and have had many vaccinations, but you make a lot of assumptions about any preexisting conditions I and those close to me may have. COVID is a brand new disease and even in those with mild cases we are just now starting to understand the long-term effects, especially of getting it multiple times.

It is a bet that I'm taking; I'm definitely curious to see 10 years down the road the difference in health between me (with a few years of social isolation) and those I know that have caught COVID multiple times. Usually they are catching it multiple times within the span of a few months/a year.

Re: Friendship Forever

#97

Post by TranquilMarmot »

gg82 wrote: post #47
zwkrt wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> getting sick is not worth having a friend Everyone has their own risk analysis. My analysis is that this is totally out of whack. Covid will be around longer than you’ll be alive. Make a friend it won’t kill you. What really gets me though I know people with your level of risk aversion* who force their developing kids into lockdown. I think the cohort born ~2014-2018 are really gonna be an odd bunch. * partial risk…

I think people totally don't understand the risk analysis here. I think getting covid is absolutely worth getting covid for most people. The health benefits of having friends is not being taken into account at all... ie mental health, exercise, life experiences, someone to help you when you need it, etc.

I acknowledge that my mental health is suffering because of COVID precautions I am taking. I still get plenty of exercise- more than I did pre-pandemic because I had to force some healthy physical habits on myself while working from home.

Re: Friendship Forever

#98

Post by goldenchrome »

TranquilMarmot wrote: post #92
goldenchrome wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The elephant in the room is that many people are vulnerable because they suffer from obesity. One third of the population is obese and another one third is overweight. That’s two thirds of the population who could be significantly healthier if they shed their weight. I feel that as a society we have moved on from solving that problem and we now treat it as a cost of living, but it’s an enormous dead weight on society…

This comment is very out of left field. Are you calling me fat? Hahaha

> Maybe they are a diabetic, cancer survivor, organ donor recipient, or have some other immune-related condition.

For most people who have weakened immune systems, they don’t have some rare disease. They’re just fat. That’s the state of the developed word right now.

Re: Friendship Forever

#99

Post by kbelder »

achenet wrote: post #84
Gentil wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> And you can fix this in like 10 seconds via asking the person out on a date or casually mentioning that cute person of the opposite gender you saw yesterday that you wish you'd talked to. Yes. Of course. But why do you expect people are directly conversing? Anyone around interested but presumes me as gay wouldn't even bother asking. I don't think I can clearly explain this. > Uh... I've had people ask me my sexual…

> Anyone around interested but presumes me as gay wouldn't even bother asking. Hot girl walks by. Make a point of checking her out. Believe me, there are a myriad of ways to express attraction to a certain type of person when in proximity to someone. Arguably the most direct being eye contact with someone you could be interested in. Girl sees two men walking together holding hands. One makes eye contact + explicit ge…

>Girl sees two men walking together holding hands. One makes eye contact + explicit gesture at her. She might think he's a creep, but probably won't think he's gay.

She certainly would, in the US.

Re: Friendship Forever

#100

Post by n4r9 »

mccorrinall wrote: post #61
n4r9 wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Does this mean you don't think it likely/possible to make new friends as an adult?

I am unsure whether I think this, but I haven’t found new friends since I left school. I am 25.

That's an honest and thoughtful answer :)

I'm only a decade older than you, but when I look back over that decade it feels like everything's changed. I've made new friends through hobbies, music, sports and yes, the workplace. I've lost touch with some people I thought were close friends. I've also been surprised by getting back in touch with people from school or university who I thought I might never hear from again.

Would I lie for those people in court (or vice versa)? I dunno. It's kind of a weird litmus test, because it depends on one's principles, how serious the charge is, and one's perspective on the legal system. It could happen, but I could only answer on a case by case basis. It's possible that I'd lie in court for a complete stranger if the circumstances were right. I struggle with absolutist views like "This is what friendship means and I will 100% behave in this way if that situation arises".

How would I define "friend" as opposed to "acquaintance"? Possibly as simple as: someone that you spend time with just for the enjoyment of it. If they're a work colleague, this means that you're likely to meet up socially, away from the office and work events (even if just online). Otherwise you're there because you have to be.

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