Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020) • Hacker News Board

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#91

Post by woweoe » Thu, Aug 04, 2022, 3:08 PM UTC

protonbob wrote: post #70

elefantastisch wrote: post #66

I think something not measured here but potentially important is the amount of acquaintance contact people have. If you imagine living in a time before high-speed travel and big cities, the people you interacted with day-to-day were basically the same throughout your life. Maybe you weren't "friends" with these people, but just in order to live your life, you would inevitably be bumping into people that you had known…

I think even in a larger town this is viable to see plenty of people that you know. Part of the problem is the car centered infrastructure in America that makes it impossible to walk places and makes it seem normal to have to travel 20 miles to get groceries or a haircut.

He is right in terms of major cities in Europe. I grew up in a small-mid sized town and I still get surprised when I meet someone I know, let alone cities the size of Atlanta.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#92

Post by jacooper » Thu, Aug 04, 2022, 3:09 PM UTC

protonbob wrote: post #70

elefantastisch wrote: post #66

I think something not measured here but potentially important is the amount of acquaintance contact people have. If you imagine living in a time before high-speed travel and big cities, the people you interacted with day-to-day were basically the same throughout your life. Maybe you weren't "friends" with these people, but just in order to live your life, you would inevitably be bumping into people that you had known…

I think even in a larger town this is viable to see plenty of people that you know. Part of the problem is the car centered infrastructure in America that makes it impossible to walk places and makes it seem normal to have to travel 20 miles to get groceries or a haircut.

But the trend also largely applies to Europe, which has a more walkable infrastructure. So I don't think its the only reason.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#93

Post by jacooper » Thu, Aug 04, 2022, 3:27 PM UTC

soco wrote: post #49

What would explain the dip in alone time for 75yo, while for the 60yo and 89yo it increased steadily over the last decades?

Maybe their close co-workers also retired and are getting close again?

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#94

Post by nonameiguess » Thu, Aug 04, 2022, 3:34 PM UTC

sylens wrote: post #54

One thing I have noticed now, and I'm not sure if its a function of myself and my family being older, is that we feel much less compelled to get together for holidays and other events even though the travel time has remained mostly the same. When I was younger, my family would make it a habit of getting together at least on Christmas and Easter and usually also the 4th of July for a big party. Not everybody lived sup…

I can't speak to trends, but this hasn't matched my experience personally. The generation just changes. Back in the 80s and 90s, my immediate family would go gather at my aunt's house for Christmas Eve to see my mom's family, then my grandma's house for Christmas to see my dad's family. Today, we trade off between seeing my wife's parents and siblings and their kids for one of either Christmas or Thanksgiving, at her sister's house, and then we visit my parents and siblings and their kids for the other, at my sister's house. Those sisters had to step up and become that next generation, though. There was a gap of a few years after both my mom's parents died when we no longer visited that extended family, but started to have our own as my sisters started having kids old enough to be worth visiting (in the sense that they'll actually form memories) and for us all to be in fairly stable living arrangements.

Once that happened, though, as in we started having kids, stable houses to visit, and enough money to make those flights a few times a year, we picked back up just as the previous generation had. And social media and smartphones weren't really a widespread thing yet during the gap, so that clearly wasn't the cause. It was just the older generation dying off and the newer generation not having immediately stable lives and their own younger families to share.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#95

Post by woweoe » Thu, Aug 04, 2022, 3:36 PM UTC

nly wrote: post #30

renewiltord wrote: post #3

The real wisdom of this graph is that for people who aren't friends with their coworkers, they are spending 4x as much time with not friends as friends. For people who are friends with their coworkers they're just cheating on that play, boosting their friend time.

I've always thought not being friends with your coworkers is a defense mechanism. Most of us have to work to survive, so getting emotionally involved and ending up with an uncomfortable or toxic environment (one with conflict and favoritism) is a big risk. I've observed that the more highly paid and "professional" your work environment, the harder it is to make friends through work.

This is one of those points of controversy that foreigners in Japan bring up. But for me the idea of making friends at work seemed unusual and I felt that the Japanese way of doing things was correct, and it come to me that the Japanese expat community is highly US-centric.

In Japan it is however common for people from university to graduate together enter their workplace together at the same job, and then get promoted together and change department together etc..

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#96

Post by birdmanjeremy » Thu, Aug 04, 2022, 3:37 PM UTC

It would be interesting to see how Covid impacted this.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#97

Post by karmaup » Thu, Aug 04, 2022, 3:52 PM UTC

People’s desire to hangout or seek relationship is dropping in countries like China and Japan. First cause is the high cost of living/dating or raising a child. Also they can get low cost entertainment from apps like TikTok or mobile games. A lot of things can be done online that they would rather be alone after a day of hard work

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#98

Post by dr-detroit » Thu, Aug 04, 2022, 4:07 PM UTC

e3bc54b2 wrote: post #55

sylens wrote: post #54

One thing I have noticed now, and I'm not sure if its a function of myself and my family being older, is that we feel much less compelled to get together for holidays and other events even though the travel time has remained mostly the same. When I was younger, my family would make it a habit of getting together at least on Christmas and Easter and usually also the 4th of July for a big party. Not everybody lived sup…

I've come to see this as symptom of increased prosperity. When money was tight, people were what provided comfort. Everyone got together to prepare and celebrate. Now that families can afford to pay someone else to do it, we are basically left with a lunch/dinner and some time talking, which doesn't feel far off from old school aristocratic galas. There is little emotional investment beyond 'maintaining the network'…

No post body was provided.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#99

Post by cardosof » Thu, Aug 04, 2022, 4:21 PM UTC

sylens wrote: post #54

One thing I have noticed now, and I'm not sure if its a function of myself and my family being older, is that we feel much less compelled to get together for holidays and other events even though the travel time has remained mostly the same. When I was younger, my family would make it a habit of getting together at least on Christmas and Easter and usually also the 4th of July for a big party. Not everybody lived sup…

Same here, but everything changed as some folks started having children. Now all events are back, people attend & they are fun again. So, at least in my family, the events are there for the kids and, without kids, no one gets interested.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#100

Post by FFRefresh » Thu, Aug 04, 2022, 4:27 PM UTC

gonzo41 wrote: post #67

spaceman_2020 wrote: post #17

Whenever I have a family vacation, I can’t help but think how unnatural our present lives are. For thousands of years, we essentially just lived with and around family. Yet now I get to see my entire family for a few days every year. Some cousins I haven’t met in years. The people I spend the most time with everyday are also the people I care the least for - colleagues and acquaintances. I don’t have a solution. But…

If you were around your family all day you'll get over them just like your colleagues. The most unnatural thing about modern life IMO is that we are not doing physical labor all day and instead sit. Whilst also working more. --edits for my terrible phone

Minor quibble with the usage of 'unnatural'. Humans are part of nature and our creations/society we build are a result of nature as well.

In the bigger picture, I don't see why 'physical labor' should be considered some privileged activity of humanity that we must hope to get back to. Movement and physical activity are important for our bodies, but that doesn't mean physical labor is an unalloyed good. If anything, we're seeing evolution at play, we're expending less human energy for our labor over time. That seems good! We just need to figure out how to not let our physical bodies degrade in a way that can worsen our quality of life.