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How to get the most out of your 1:1s

erik.wiffin.com

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Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#91

Post by darkerside »

hunglee2 wrote: post #13

one good way to 'get the conversation going', as well as provide invaluable feedback, is to reverse roles and start the session with the employee review of your own performance as their manager. You can even say 'hey, this 1:1 is for me rather than you!'. It's fun and serious at the same time, and if you do it without ego you can learn a lot about how you are impacting your employees work, what you need to do to make…

I like to make jokes. As a manager, I realize that there are certain jokes I can't make anymore, and this is one of them.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#92

Post by mfrommil »

tinkertamper wrote: post #9

I used to have a boss who’d ask me to rate my company satisfaction with the company 1-10 at every 1:1. This always struck me as one of the laziest/misguided management moves I’ve encountered, and I’m sure he felt it was both accurate and clever. If you manage people, and don’t understand that basic power dynamics will always trump encouragements for “openness”, you are naive at best and willfully blind at worst.

Heard one of the Warby Parker founders speak once, and he mentioned a similar process at their company. I believe once a week all employees anonymously rated their satisfaction 1-10. He was very bought into the thought that "happy employees = productive employees". He said the weekly ratings was a very powerful tool for the executive team to get a feel for how the team was feeling, and if they could push harder or needed to ease up. Compared with the alternative of waiting to see resignation numbers go up, seemed like a pretty brilliant idea to me.

This was many years ago so apologies if some details are a bit off, but the gist of the story has stuck with me over the years.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#93

Post by kayodelycaon »

danparsonson wrote: post #68
qbasic_forever wrote: post #46

Why even bother with a monthly 1:1, that's almost insulting to the employee. If I had major concerns a month is far too long to wait to see action and have them resolved. You're telling your employee that of the ~160 work-hours in a month they are worth less than one of them.

If you have major concerns, why not just schedule a meeting? Why are you waiting for a monthly catch-up to air them? I think this whole one to one thing is pointless - if there's a problem, organise a meeting to discuss it (or talk about it during one of the regular team meetings if it's not a private matter); if not, let's just get on with doing some actual work.

I think the same way you do but I’ve noticed that many people won’t bring up issues unless you take them aside and ask the right questions. No amount of openness and trust seems to work as well as gentle prompting.

Of course, you need to trust your manager. I’ve made the mistake of doing that more than once.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#94

Post by darkerside »

mas-ev wrote: post #38
gorgoiler wrote: post #14

Completely unimportant, but anyone else call them one to ones ? Where did this one on one thing come from? A one on one is a boxing match or a schoolyard fight, not an open chat. 8:2:1 is a ratio of cocktail ingredients. 16:9 is an aspect ratio. 1:7 is a steep hill to climb. To , by , and in respectively. The latter two would be weird choices but at least they’d be consistent with the syntax of x:y. “on” though?! Whe…

My random etymology guess here is one on one is from the origin of one vs one. One coming out ON top of the other. So one on one becoming simpler slang implying the same as versus. Now one to one implies an equal relationship and especially in our field it feels weird imo to call them one to ones. Typical, you aren't equal levels in a 1:1 meeting. So maybe the one on one caught on because of the subtlety of one being…

The following is all opinion.

The whole point of a 1:1 is an opportunity to see your direct as a person and not as a direct. It puts you on equal playing ground for the moment, and as a manager, it is your responsibility to make sure your direct feels that way. When they trust you, they'll tell you how they really feel. That means being open about what they want out of their career, when they are thinking about leaving, when there's an uncomfortable problem on the team. That is what 1:1 is for, and that's why I always refer to them as a one-to-one and not a one-on-one.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#96

Post by darkerside »

8n4vidtmkvmk wrote: post #21
kqr wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree with you that if the worker wants to turn it into a status update, they should be allowed to. However... why do they feel like turning it into a status update? Is it because the manager isn't sufficiently looped in to what's happening on a daily basis?

because we have nothing else to say. we don't need any help from you, the manager. the project is going fine, but you're our least helpful resource. I'll go to the subject matter expert if i need specific things answered. I'm not fighting with any teammates. I'm not blocked. i was perfectly productive before this meeting, but now I'm interrupted. we already talked about career development. we don't need to go over th…

If I were your manager, I'd then be using the time to try to get to know you on a personal level. Hobbies, weekends, family, etc. I'm sure this comes off as prying in an internet comment, but that's because I don't know you. It's completely natural to want to get to know the people around you in person. Sometimes that might mean I need to start telling you about myself to signal that it's ok to get personal.

If you don't do this, it becomes a transactional relationship, which is OK, but to me holds less potential than one based on mutual trust and understanding.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#97

Post by kayodelycaon »

gorgoiler wrote: post #14

Completely unimportant, but anyone else call them one to ones ? Where did this one on one thing come from? A one on one is a boxing match or a schoolyard fight, not an open chat. 8:2:1 is a ratio of cocktail ingredients. 16:9 is an aspect ratio. 1:7 is a steep hill to climb. To , by , and in respectively. The latter two would be weird choices but at least they’d be consistent with the syntax of x:y. “on” though?! Whe…

This isn’t very satisfying, but I would suspect simple language drift to explain it. Someone came up with one-on-one or one-to-one to describe this particular type of meeting and popularized its use. Eventually someone decided 1:1 was a good shorthand.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#98

Post by jcims »

hef19898 wrote: post #16
jcims wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have 30 minute 1:1’s every week with my team (8 engineers). I’m in weekly backlog grooming sessions, semi-weekly demos, retros and sprint planning and of course daily standups. I’m in weekly status calls with two separate customers and weekly prioritization calls with product. I’m in constant dozer mode trying to clear a path for my team to eliminate blockers, execute bullshit corp process and help them resolve iss…

In 1:1s with my managers I was always happy to get the undivided attention of my manager to discuss status updates.

That’s 100% perfectly fine for me as well if we’re starting from a baseline of you talking about what’s important to you. It’s unfortunate that we have to ration time like this but it ensures that folks who normally wouldn’t initiate a conversation have one initiated for them.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#99

Post by jarl-ragnar »

rramadass wrote: post #60
8n4vidtmkvmk wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

because we have nothing else to say. we don't need any help from you, the manager. the project is going fine, but you're our least helpful resource. I'll go to the subject matter expert if i need specific things answered. I'm not fighting with any teammates. I'm not blocked. i was perfectly productive before this meeting, but now I'm interrupted. we already talked about career development. we don't need to go over th…

Bingo! This is the best i have read all week. You will love this HBR article : https://hbr.org/2011/12/first-lets-fire-all-the-managers

Great article, the intro captures the core reasons why I recently quit as an engineering manager at a multi-national aerospace company. It also rather succinctly underlines how Boeing end up with the 737 Max situation.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#100

Post by jghn »

sdevonoes wrote: post #89
jnorthrop wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sounds like you need to change the intent of your 1:1s. I am senior at a big company (managing teams of teams) and my manager is a senior executive. I meet with him every other week and that is most of the contact I have with him. That works, as he trusts me to execute on his strategic objectives, and I like it like that. Our 1:1s are very purposeful. I inform him on things I think he should know, ask him for support…

Well, my 1:1s go like that actually. My point is: if you suddenly remove your 1:1s, would the business or you get impacted? In my case the answer is: no. The 1:1s are not terrible nor bad, I just feel that they are just superflous.

As a manager, 1:1s are primarily for you. Not the manager. If you’re getting nothing out of them, suggest changes to cadence and/or frequency.

I won’t let my staff ditch them 100% as there’s also a component where I’m using them to spot problems I might not see otherwise. But for the most part, I treat it as their time

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