The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker • Hacker News Board

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#91

Post by gonzus » Fri, Jan 15, 2021, 6:24 PM UTC

jasonv wrote: post #34

Does anyone remember a Wired (?) story from the earliest days about a teenager who got mixed up in a geek subculture and disappeared into sewers under the city? A quick search on their site didn't really yield what I think I remember.

This rings a bell. I remember reading a book that sounds like this, some 35 years ago... It was my gateway to discover The Hobbit, since one sentence in this book (which wasn't that good) mentioned these geeks getting together to play "Tolkian" (maybe "Tolkienian") games. It may have been this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dungeon_Master

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#92

Post by CameronNemo » Fri, Jan 15, 2021, 6:26 PM UTC

johnnyb9 wrote: post #76

ChuckMcM wrote: post #68

Okay, this quote stood out -- “He was a crazy good coder. Except he would always code everything the hardest way possible, kind of like you hired Rembrandt to paint your bathroom. You know it is going to be lit, but over the top.” A good read and a good reminder that people are always much more complex than we think. I wonder sometimes if by being exposed so often to fairly flat depictions of characters in movies and…

This quote stood out for me as well, for the reason that my own depiction of a "good coder" has evolved into someone who codes a solution in the simplest way possible using the best tools, not the "hardest" or most "lit" way.

Yeah this screams "antisocial coder" to me. Coding with an audience of one.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#93

Post by adamc » Fri, Jan 15, 2021, 6:27 PM UTC

S_A_P wrote: post #82

tppiotrowski wrote: post #37

The article talks about his ability to be friendly to strangers but abusive to his long term acquaintances. I have observed this pattern and curious if anyone knows what drives this? My personal theory is that you have some sort of obligations to long term acquaintances but you owe nothing to strangers on the trail. It's this feeling of obligation that leads you to resent people over time.

Maybe this is oversharing, but maybe not. I have shades of this in myself. I have a much smaller friend group than many folks and a cynical take on most peoples motivations. I can say that some of why I feel this way is just "how Im bent" and some is from childhood experiences of having my trust betrayed or my naivety taken advantage of. Throw in a bit of unpredictable mom behavior and I generally dont want to owe an…

You might just be an HSP: https://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Person-Thrive-Overwh...

I've had this problem in many contexts. Some of it stems from childhood circumstances, but it's also that I often read people better than they seemingly know themselves, i.e., noticing anger that they don't think they have. This can cause a lot of stress.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#94

Post by watwut » Fri, Jan 15, 2021, 6:27 PM UTC

ChuckMcM wrote: post #68

Okay, this quote stood out -- “He was a crazy good coder. Except he would always code everything the hardest way possible, kind of like you hired Rembrandt to paint your bathroom. You know it is going to be lit, but over the top.” A good read and a good reminder that people are always much more complex than we think. I wonder sometimes if by being exposed so often to fairly flat depictions of characters in movies and…

Through, honestly, I would not qualify the above a good coder. It is more off highly intelligent but not good coder.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#95

Post by elmomle » Fri, Jan 15, 2021, 6:27 PM UTC

tppiotrowski wrote: post #37

The article talks about his ability to be friendly to strangers but abusive to his long term acquaintances. I have observed this pattern and curious if anyone knows what drives this? My personal theory is that you have some sort of obligations to long term acquaintances but you owe nothing to strangers on the trail. It's this feeling of obligation that leads you to resent people over time.

I think it comes from liking people a priori, but having a habituated expectation that the people we know will take from us (our happiness, our time, etc.)--so that one can't feel safe to be oneself with those one knows. IMO this expectation typically comes from childhood and can best be mitigated via mindfulness.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#96

Post by tartoran » Fri, Jan 15, 2021, 6:28 PM UTC

typefourpd wrote: post #54

tppiotrowski wrote: post #37

The article talks about his ability to be friendly to strangers but abusive to his long term acquaintances. I have observed this pattern and curious if anyone knows what drives this? My personal theory is that you have some sort of obligations to long term acquaintances but you owe nothing to strangers on the trail. It's this feeling of obligation that leads you to resent people over time.

This is indicative of a personality disorder. My father had BPD and behaved this way. My mother was borderline and behaved this way. People like this do not behave abusively towards their loved ones all the time, it's pretty on-and-off. The loved one is typically a dependent or avoidant. They remain in the relationship because they need the positive affirmations, and healthy people do not want to be with a dependent…

> It's clear that this man developed a personality disorder as the result of suffering abuse as a child.

I'd say that is pretty hard to tell from the hearsay and all these are just speculations, which are okay. We're learning more from these conversations anyway.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#97

Post by zajio1am » Fri, Jan 15, 2021, 6:30 PM UTC

tppiotrowski wrote: post #37

The article talks about his ability to be friendly to strangers but abusive to his long term acquaintances. I have observed this pattern and curious if anyone knows what drives this? My personal theory is that you have some sort of obligations to long term acquaintances but you owe nothing to strangers on the trail. It's this feeling of obligation that leads you to resent people over time.

Seems to me that there are two factors:

1) If you are weird, then you have mismatched expectations about relationships (and other social obligations) than majority society. Not providing something that is expected would be 'neglect', while expecting something that is not provided would be 'entitlement'. Social rules with strangers or casual acquaintances are much simpler.

2) Being in some kind of deep relationship means emotional stakes are higher. Perceived violations due to (1) causes higher emotional damage if they are from someone near than someone distant.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#98

Post by UI_at_80x24 » Fri, Jan 15, 2021, 6:30 PM UTC

dkarl wrote: post #46

Maybe Rodriguez’s story is similar to Cody’s. He was alone in a vast, unfamiliar city. He’d destroyed his relationships. He left his apartment in anger. And then, as he traversed the mountains, walking through sugar maple and oak, hickory and poplar, stepping over roots and rocks, he tamed his demons too. The many people who met him didn’t sense the dark, brooding, sometimes dangerous person who left Brooklyn. People…

> People who decide to commit suicide sometimes appear to others to be feeling a lot better in the time between the decision and the final act.

To misquote a line from a favorite TV show;

"Fear accompanies the possibility of death. Calm shepherds its certainty." -Ka D'Argo, Farscape

I have attempted suicide, and that line fits for me. As another reader has pointed out there is also peace that comes from making a choice and knowing that your pain will be ending soon.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#99

Post by ChrisMarshallNY » Fri, Jan 15, 2021, 6:31 PM UTC

kayodelycaon wrote: post #63

ChrisMarshallNY wrote: post #50

Sounds like he was HFA (High-Functioning Autistic), with some extra Trauma Sauce. It can be quite difficult for folks like this (Disclaimer: IR1) to find happiness. Crowds, high-stimulus environments, external expectations can be quite chafing. It can also be tempting to latch onto external things and people, to try to heal something that can't really be healed; but only mitigated (long story, but I went through that…

> Sounds like he was HFA (High-Functioning Autistic), with some extra Trauma Sauce. Or he could have bipolar, schizophrenia, anxiety, C-PTSD or a number of other things. All of those would explain what I’m seeing. Personally, I’m bipolar and I share an a lot of traits with autism. You can’t know what’s happening in a person’s head unless you take time to talk to them or they’ve left a detailed journal.

Absolutely. I can only speak to what I know, and this, I happen to know, all too well.

I just found that I could relate to pretty much everything he was about (check out my code for some truly anal coding), with the exception of the abuse, but I could also easily see myself getting into that, if I had the trauma background (although I don't have that, exactly, I am quite familiar with what trauma can do to even neurotypicals).

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#100

Post by ChrisMarshallNY » Fri, Jan 15, 2021, 6:33 PM UTC

lwigo wrote: post #87

ChrisMarshallNY wrote: post #50

Sounds like he was HFA (High-Functioning Autistic), with some extra Trauma Sauce. It can be quite difficult for folks like this (Disclaimer: IR1) to find happiness. Crowds, high-stimulus environments, external expectations can be quite chafing. It can also be tempting to latch onto external things and people, to try to heal something that can't really be healed; but only mitigated (long story, but I went through that…

How is it like Miranda (just trying to figure out your metaphor)? One possible response to extreme over stimulation or aggression is to completely shutdown?

If you remember, the Parliament added some kind of stuff in the atmosphere, and everyone just lay down and died.

When I was working through my stuff, I often would have loved to do that.

It's really a special kind of hell. We can't stand being ourselves. I grew a beard, because I couldn't stand looking in the mirror. Shaving it was actually a watershed, for me.