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A researcher on how to live a happy life

ox.ac.uk

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Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#91

Post by pphysch »

saltedonion wrote: post #47
WhompingWindows wrote: post #6

For me, I have become happier in the moment via insight meditation, which focuses on noticing thoughts and feelings without action or reaction. Part of the wisdom of meditation lies in the following: There is baggage we all carry, the self, this belief we're the center of it all, the author of (and subservient to) our own thoughts. How do I stop doing what makes me unhappy, if that's "who I am"? But, in reality, I ca…

Very insightful. Please share more. I’ve been taking up meditation and bubiddism but still very much a novice. I find that as you open your mind and see through more things, in a way things gets less interesting. It’s that feeling that you’ve seen this movie before. Maybe this is normal for older people but I’m in my 20s and it feels very odd. How do you deal with that and not feel like a zombie.

Seeing through abstractions and illusions is a possible outcome, but it also frees the senses to look deeper into the once-negligible.

Get a pencil, paper, and small object that you can fit into your closed palm. Like a nut, or other piece of plant. Set a timer for 10 minutes and spend that time describing as much as you can about the object. How it feels, looks, tastes, sounds. From all different angles in different contexts. Abandon preconceptions and play with the object. You might be surprised how much detail there is and how quickly the 10 minutes passes.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#92

Post by d0mine »

leoh wrote: post #72
baron_harkonnen wrote: post #69

> Almost no one thinks about actively retraining the way they think. In fact, I don’t think this last idea even crosses most of our minds. Really? I'm pretty sure there are thousands of years of philosophical and religious traditions that teach something along the lines of "looking for happiness in the external world is a bad idea, instead try working on yourself". I mean the four noble truths of Buddhism, a religion…

A preponderance of religions and philosophies that advocate changing the way one thinks does not mean that most people subscribe to them. Most people are insanely dogmatic including self-described Buddhists (such as those on Myanmar that are cruel to Rohingya), Jews (that abuse Palestinians), Christians (I don't need to describe their flaws), and Muslims. There are tenets of each faith that advocate viewing the world…

If the default state were to be open and relaxed, then all these religions wouldn't need to mention it.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#93

Post by Jtsummers »

phnofive wrote: post #81
Jtsummers wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Open-ended talk therapy is like rubber duck debugging. Sometimes you need an expressive outlet that you can't, for various reasons, find elsewhere. And often a confidant (which a therapist can be) is what you need. Lacking a confidant in normal-life or having issues you feel you can't take to that person, a therapist is a decent alternative.

Sorry, I was vague on that term. By open-ended, I meant recurring and without a goal; maybe there’s a better descriptive term for it.

That's also what I meant. I just moved this year, leaving a lot of friends behind (I'd lived there for 10 years, longest I'd lived anywhere, next longest was 5 years when I was in elementary school). I bought a house, which added a lot of financial stress to my life (ate into savings, in 10 years I'll be better off, but now it's tough). I got into a job that was going to be better, but because someone quit I got saddled with crap work that I'm not effective it especially teleworking (I need to observe how people are working to do what they want me to do, and I literally can't right now). And with social isolation in place, my wife and I cannot effectively make new friends and develop new social outlets. From my own experiences in the past: high stress -> general anxiety -> depression -> very bad thoughts. So I sought out a counselor with no specific objective beyond needing to talk, and to relearn some CBT things that I did learn and exercise years ago. But the primary benefit has been the outlet, I'll probably stop having sessions in a few more weeks as I've finally pinpointed a few specific stressors and been able to focus on resolving them, but the outlet was key to realizing what they were.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#95

Post by whatshisface »

leoh wrote: post #72
baron_harkonnen wrote: post #69

> Almost no one thinks about actively retraining the way they think. In fact, I don’t think this last idea even crosses most of our minds. Really? I'm pretty sure there are thousands of years of philosophical and religious traditions that teach something along the lines of "looking for happiness in the external world is a bad idea, instead try working on yourself". I mean the four noble truths of Buddhism, a religion…

A preponderance of religions and philosophies that advocate changing the way one thinks does not mean that most people subscribe to them. Most people are insanely dogmatic including self-described Buddhists (such as those on Myanmar that are cruel to Rohingya), Jews (that abuse Palestinians), Christians (I don't need to describe their flaws), and Muslims. There are tenets of each faith that advocate viewing the world…

>Jews (that abuse Palestinians)

I'm not 100% sure that the Jewish religion can be associated with Israeli foreign policy. Israel would be fighting with Palestine whether any Jewish believers lived there or not.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#96

Post by abhayhegde »

agumonkey wrote: post #86

I don't agree with his analysis of modern happiness levels. It's yet another biased quantitative analysis of various metrics that are decoupled from human nature. Struggles, efforts, shorter lifespan is not a problem if your days are filled with deeper emotions, less confusion, better balance timewise (slower pace but more efficient labour). A tiny instance to try to explain my above abstract: in 2020 you can have a…

Very insightful, please share more.

I agree upon what you are saying, and would love to know what active steps I could take to fill my days with deeper feelings and make them meaningful.

As far as the article is concerned, I do concur with his analysis, especially about mindfulness, and CBT. I have practiced mindfulness and it does keep me stable, grounded, sharp and happy.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#97

Post by pdimitar »

> Almost no one thinks about actively retraining the way they think. In fact, I don’t think this last one even crosses most of our minds.

This is so, so false that it makes the rest of the article hard to take seriously.

A ton of people thought about these things. Some thousands of years ago, and wrote quite interesting books about it (like a good amount of Buddhist treatises but definitely not only).

A lot of modern people think of that too, problem is that junk food / bad workplaces / tensions in the family / lack of good sleep etc. all change your brain chemistry so that it's very hard for you to look for the problems inward and try and start a change from within.

I don't have proof for this; but I've spoken with therapists and psychologists and they often admit that the pills that some patients want to take literally change the brain chemistry. And dietitians and personal gym trainers tell me that the right food and the right workout routine change your body's composition, hence the brain's as well.

So an article that starts with such a sensationalistic and untrue premise is kind of dubious.

A lot of people think about what the author says they don't. But many don't know where to begin for most (or all) of their lives. That's a modern tragedy we all have to fix: to educate people on mental health, how to avoid the worst kinds of stress, how to deescalate properly, how to give the benefit of the doubt, how to eat what's good for you and avoid the rest, how and what to workout, and many many others.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#98

Post by programmertote »

agumonkey wrote: post #82
baron_harkonnen wrote: post #69

> Almost no one thinks about actively retraining the way they think. In fact, I don’t think this last idea even crosses most of our minds. Really? I'm pretty sure there are thousands of years of philosophical and religious traditions that teach something along the lines of "looking for happiness in the external world is a bad idea, instead try working on yourself". I mean the four noble truths of Buddhism, a religion…

suffering can be deeper, but that's also probably stepping into psychiatry territory.. my point is you cannot reason or meditate everything away

> you cannot reason or meditate everything away

100% agree. I was born a Buddhist and was a devout Buddhist until I was 13-14 years old (then I became an atheist). I went to monasteries for weeks on end to meditate. But what I found was that meditation is not for me. I cannot get rid of my recurring mental sufferings (anger, fear/anxiety, jealousy/envy, self-/guilt) just by spending more and more time in meditation.

One thing that I found extremely useful is stoicism (at least in the way I interpret it). I simply learned to accept that these bad feelings come and go, and that is the nature of being a human. There's nothing wrong with having such bad feelings, which I personally call as 'bad karma'. I just need to be aware of them (which meditation supposedly helps detect, but I find myself being able to do without meditating equally well) and be at peace with the fact that they come and go in my life as a human.

What is in my control is how long I dwell on these moments of bad karma. For that, I always try to get myself out of these bad-karmic situations by trying to see things in a bigger picture or in longer term (e.g., 'Well, I am not making as much money as I want to now, but that's okay because even if I don't earn more than what I do now, I can still retire pretty comfortably by living a minimalistic life. Alternatively, I just need to work maybe 2-3 more years with the current income to save up to the level of savings at which I want to retire. In the worst case scenario in which I get sick/disabled, I will just learn to adapt as human beings and other living beings are observed to do in adversity.') Trying to see things from such larger perspective makes me feel pretty content and thus, releases me from a lot of anxiety issues.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#99

Post by qbit »

Another perhaps more esoteric approach is pointed to by Ramana Maharshi (and others) who encouraged people seeking happiness to inquire into "the one who is unhappy". In other words, to ask oneself, "Who is it that is unhappy?" The idea being that the independent entity that most of us take ourselves to be is just a fictional story (an I-thought) with no real existence, and that it comes about from an erroneous identification with thoughts. Once that is fully realized, the problem of happiness is permanently solved because the "I-thought", as he calls it, is the real root of the problem. In fact, according to him, it's the root of all of our problems. ;-)

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#100

Post by pdimitar »

programmertote wrote: post #98
agumonkey wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

suffering can be deeper, but that's also probably stepping into psychiatry territory.. my point is you cannot reason or meditate everything away

> you cannot reason or meditate everything away 100% agree. I was born a Buddhist and was a devout Buddhist until I was 13-14 years old (then I became an atheist). I went to monasteries for weeks on end to meditate. But what I found was that meditation is not for me. I cannot get rid of my recurring mental sufferings (anger, fear/anxiety, jealousy/envy, self-/guilt) just by spending more and more time in meditation.…

What did you expect to find in meditation at 13-14 years old though? Hardly any real conflict or hardship in anyone's life at that age.

Honest question, not looking to berate you.

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