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People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

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Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#91

Post by DanielleMolloy »

LandR wrote: post #59
pjc50 wrote: post #48

> She would say, “Dave, you only got one award this year. Remember when you won seven last year?” > If it wasn’t that, maybe it was also because I am gay. My mother was never really happy about this Ah, the absolute pinnacle of neurosis parenting. That's a solid one-two punch to the child's psyche, which gives them a drive to please while at the same time ensuring it can never be met. Well done; you ensured your chil…

> She would say, “Dave, you only got one award this year. Remember when you won seven last year?” I've had stuff like this from parents. Nothing is ever good enough, I have a friend who is massively more successful than me that I've been friends with since we were children. Went to same nursery, school and university. When I told my parents I got a bonus one year, instead of great, well done. I got asked how much, fo…

Instilling ambition and an optimistic hard working spirit is a good thing many children don’t have, but if they are never willing to congratulate you, especially when you are happy about an accomplishment that sounds like borderline abusive behavior.

I would recommend getting a lot of long-term distance and lowered communication to discover your own mental space (german word „abnabeln“).

Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#92

Post by acollins1331 »

LandR wrote: post #59
pjc50 wrote: post #48

> She would say, “Dave, you only got one award this year. Remember when you won seven last year?” > If it wasn’t that, maybe it was also because I am gay. My mother was never really happy about this Ah, the absolute pinnacle of neurosis parenting. That's a solid one-two punch to the child's psyche, which gives them a drive to please while at the same time ensuring it can never be met. Well done; you ensured your chil…

> She would say, “Dave, you only got one award this year. Remember when you won seven last year?” I've had stuff like this from parents. Nothing is ever good enough, I have a friend who is massively more successful than me that I've been friends with since we were children. Went to same nursery, school and university. When I told my parents I got a bonus one year, instead of great, well done. I got asked how much, fo…

You should go a step further and tell them what YOU think. They're giant assholes and need to realize it and change.

Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#93

Post by 0x445442 »

Klinky wrote: post #86
lm28469 wrote: post #75

> Unfortunately, after a year of purposely trying, I was still not becoming Elon Musk nor any other “successful” person. Despite reading everyday, meditating, getting up early, taking cold showers, and many more things. But what makes these guys successful anyway? Their fame? Money? Contribution to society? And wearing grey t-shirts won't make you Zuckerberg [0]. You don't become a 0.00000001%er by mimicking the most…

Let's also note that becoming a startup billionaire to then go off and fund your pet projects is a bit of an anomaly. It's very hard to "mimick" the successful parts of their lives.

> It's very hard to "mimick" the successful parts of their lives

Given the level of luck involved I'd say it's near impossible.

I've noticed a definite transition in the past 20-25 years and that's more and more difficulty for people to accept things like luck and talent exist. I also think the difficulty of acceptance has negative consequences on people's psyche. They seem to become angry and depressed if they've, by all accounts, been successful in the "mimicking" but the desired results don't follow.

Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#94

Post by asdfman123 »

astuyvenberg wrote: post #7

This post also resonated with me, especially the quote from /r/cscareerquestions > Got an awesome internship at an interesting company? Well, it wasn’t FAANG, so who cares? Got a FAANG internship? Well it wasn’t one of the good FAANGs, so if you really think about it, you really didn’t accomplish anything. Got into a “Good FAANG”? Well, the other intern works on his own startup idea when he goes home. Why aren’t you…

I've noticed something about subreddits that focus on lifestyle design and center around advice: they all start to converge on fairly narrow groupthink. /r/personalfinance is all about super frugal living and passive investing. In /r/backpacking, the general advice is to go as light as possible and spend money reducing weight. /r/cscareerquestions is about the leetcode grind and getting into FAANG. /r/malefashionadvice only really recommends a narrow range of personal styles and is not helpful if you don't want to look like that.

Now, the advice is often pretty decent in those subs, but it's not helpful if you don't want exactly what they recommend. And they put way too much emphasis on the narrow range of things they think are worthwhile.

Anyway, back to commenting on the article:

> So why are we all doing this? Why do so many smart people fall victim to this trap of chasing success and prestige purely for the sake of it?

Survivorship bias. There are a lot of smart people everywhere living quiet, normal lives. They don't necessarily seem that different unless you know them well, because they're not trying to rock the world with their brilliance.

In fact, what we think of as "smart" does not correspond to "has high natural ability." "Smart people" are people who have decided to make their identities center around being smart. They've worked hard at it.

My brother and I were from a normal middle class background but both went to fancy private schools. My uncles apparently all got tested high IQs and they have thick Texan accents, they like handball and guitar and fishing. They're normal people. Their Facebook comments aren't even all that articulate. But you can tell they're intelligent because they seem to "get" things and they don't say dumb stuff.

Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#95

Post by _4ziu »

everdrive wrote: post #72

"People who are excited by posthumous fame forget that the people who remember them will soon die too. And those after them in turn. Until their memory, passed from one to another like a candle flame, gutters and goes out. But suppose that those who remembered you were immortal and your memory undying. What good would it do you? And I don't just mean when you're dead, but in your own lifetime. What use is praise, exc…

Frankly, a stupid quote.

"What good is praise except to make your lifestyle a little more comfortable"

That sounds pretty darn good to me.

And the fact that your memory and work can be passed down and influence a theoretically infinite number of people.

Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#96

Post by thathndude »

sullyj3 wrote: post #85
everdrive wrote: post #72

"People who are excited by posthumous fame forget that the people who remember them will soon die too. And those after them in turn. Until their memory, passed from one to another like a candle flame, gutters and goes out. But suppose that those who remembered you were immortal and your memory undying. What good would it do you? And I don't just mean when you're dead, but in your own lifetime. What use is praise, exc…

Ironic that that quote comes from someone who died in the year 180. If I got 2000 years of fame, I'd be pretty satisfied.

Whoosh

Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#97

Post by WilliamEdward »

ak39 wrote: post #89
sullyj3 wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ironic that that quote comes from someone who died in the year 180. If I got 2000 years of fame, I'd be pretty satisfied.

Marcus Aurelius is asking exactly how will that be of _use_? (Even when you’re alive)

Feeling better about yourself is not useful? Influencing a large number of people is not useful?

Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#98

Post by 0x445442 »

code4tee wrote: post #82

The major fallacy I often see is that people driven by “status and prestige” often fail to realize that those they are hoping to impress don’t care as much about these things. It’s a bit like LinkedIn. Lots of people are on LinkedIn trying to impress people but the people they’re trying to impress aren’t on (or barely use) LinkedIn.

Ah, LinkedIn... Recruiter spam central.

Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#99

Post by asdfman123 »

huffmsa wrote: post #46
astuyvenberg wrote: post #7

This post also resonated with me, especially the quote from /r/cscareerquestions > Got an awesome internship at an interesting company? Well, it wasn’t FAANG, so who cares? Got a FAANG internship? Well it wasn’t one of the good FAANGs, so if you really think about it, you really didn’t accomplish anything. Got into a “Good FAANG”? Well, the other intern works on his own startup idea when he goes home. Why aren’t you…

Wanting to be engineer #5549383 at a big company is a fools errand if you want recognition and reknowned. It's like trying to get famous working as the guy who bolts the doors onto the frame at the Belvedere assembly plant. The lion doesn't concern himself with the opinions of the mouse. All of the people cited in the article (Gates, Musk, Jobs) eschewed "prestige institutions" and worked on what they wanted to work…

Neither, thanks.
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