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Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

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Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#91

Post by jlnthws »

lawlorino wrote: post #72
lloeki wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sounds like you have an introvert trait (in the Myers Briggs sense), which does not mean despising human interaction but that even though you enjoy it, it’s taxing at some level (but you get some benefit at another level). If this is the case, the rejection comes from energy being exhausted (no one enjoys being exhausted) and you have to recharge your social interactions batteries. At some point you may have intuitiv…

> NN Neural network??

Yes, nobody uses brain anymore.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#92

Post by msiyer »

axaxs wrote: post #22

Anecdotally... I am, but I seem doomed. I'm not really antisocial. In fact, I can become overtalkative at times when in a social setting. But, given the option, I never seem to want to 'get out' and socialize. Though, when I force myself to, I am in such a better mood for a few days. Then, back to normal, and avoiding social gatherings again until the next time.

you are not doomed. you are just fine.

you can be talkative or you can go in to deep meditation in the middle of a crowd. whatever be it do it consciously. remove all guilt and all negativity from it. experience everything deeply - silence or noise.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#93

Post by saiya-jin »

murm wrote: post #85
saiya-jin wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Seek meaning, not happiness. Hold your horses a bit here. Just because some mental model works for your, please don't do blanket statements for entire human civilization. I for example pursue many utterly selfish hobbies without any proper meaning to me or anybody else, full of objective dangers that can kill me in case of lack of attention (or pure bad time at bad spot situation), last time this Sunday (ended up w…

> I for example pursue many utterly selfish hobbies without any proper meaning to me or anybody else ... the only meaning of those things is feeling 200% alive > Climbing to the top of some peak doesn't have any proper meaning, it has been done 1000s before and will be done after me, the only meaning is how it feels during and after the adventure. I don't quite understand what is your concept of meaning. You say that…

Well then we have different views on what a meaningful activity is for us. I don't have an exact definition per se, but it would go along: changing the world for the better, if only by slightest amount. Helping others. Improve myself (debatable since its usually a tough workout and exposing oneself to dangers changes personality a bit for the better).

Maybe its about about direction - inwards vs outwards. Dunno. But climbing some big rock, risking my life definitely doesn't feel like it has big meaning to me. I am not saving anybody hanging there. But it makes me happy. Working for some NGO, being a doctor or improving peoples lives would definitely be in the category of work with purpose/meaning.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#94

Post by balfirevic »

trevyn wrote: post #12
kodz4 wrote: post #6

My plan is to run for President or get into politics atleast. Watching all these Geezers having the time of their lives in their 70s and 80s has made up my mind. Just look at Ralf Nader, Ron Paul and Rush Limbaugh ranting and raving away with the energy of 10 year olds. It's that social mojo they are tapping into man. If I can wake up everyday troll the country, get a pat on the back from my buddies in my 90s...I thi…

FWIW, I bet that there’s a lot of hormone replacement therapy going on in that cohort.

That is... unlikely: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hormone_replacement_therapy

I guess you meant this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Androgen_replacement_therapy

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#95

Post by wodenokoto »

axaxs wrote: post #22

Anecdotally... I am, but I seem doomed. I'm not really antisocial. In fact, I can become overtalkative at times when in a social setting. But, given the option, I never seem to want to 'get out' and socialize. Though, when I force myself to, I am in such a better mood for a few days. Then, back to normal, and avoiding social gatherings again until the next time.

That's how most people feel about working out. The hardest part is getting the running shoes on, but once you're doing it, it feels really good.

I don't think it is unusual for people to have an averse reaction to investing in themselves, although it does look illogical from the outside.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#96

Post by leetcrew »

ur-whale wrote: post #75
_8j50 wrote: post #27

In my experience no human is ok with being socially isolated for a long period of time. But difficulty with forming healthy social relationships makes the experience of attempting to "warm up" to others very unpleasant to people who don't get social exposure to begin with. Especially for anyone that performs extensive introspection it is very difficult and the experience can be interpreted as unhappiness. I think may…

>In my experience no human is ok with being socially isolated for a long period of time Citation needed. There was an article on HN a couple of weeks back about a guy who spent 20+ years alone in the woods and was perfectly happy for it.

>> In my experience no human is ok with being socially isolated for a long period of time

> Citation needed.

for their experience?

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#97

Post by slx26 »

rvn1045 wrote: post #76

I’m currently spending time traveling and can sometimes go stretches without much interaction. I mostly stay at hostels and it’s wierd how that kind of communal sleeping arrangement makes me feel better even if I’m not actively interacting with people there. I think this was mentioned in the book Tribe by Sebastian Junger, about how we’ve evolved to sleep in large groups and that doesn’t really happen anymore.

I guess a big part of the benefits come from being able to feel part of something. Even if you don't interact directly with others, you can still feel like you belong, like you are part of something. Just being there might work in many cases.

If you are unable to achieve that, you can easily feel like shit no matter the amount of interaction you have with others.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#98

Post by humanrebar »

lloeki wrote: post #65
axaxs wrote: post #22

Anecdotally... I am, but I seem doomed. I'm not really antisocial. In fact, I can become overtalkative at times when in a social setting. But, given the option, I never seem to want to 'get out' and socialize. Though, when I force myself to, I am in such a better mood for a few days. Then, back to normal, and avoiding social gatherings again until the next time.

Sounds like you have an introvert trait (in the Myers Briggs sense), which does not mean despising human interaction but that even though you enjoy it, it’s taxing at some level (but you get some benefit at another level). If this is the case, the rejection comes from energy being exhausted (no one enjoys being exhausted) and you have to recharge your social interactions batteries. At some point you may have intuitiv…

Protip: Volunteer somewhere. Or just find people who enjoy your company.

If you're treating this like a diet or exercise regimen, it will probably turn out the way most of those turn out.

Instead, maybe think about the other people involved and consider them important as well. There are plenty of people that need some attention, care, resources, advice, and so on. If people come to rely on you, it is motivating, meaningful, and is more in line with the Golden Rule. I'm sure most of us would rather be friends with someone than be their weekly dose of socializing.

If you really don't like people, help out animals. Or the environment. Or "the commu ity". As long as it's part of a team.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#99

Post by AnIdiotOnTheNet »

agumonkey wrote: post #55
irrational wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Daily was common when I was a teenager. Every other day was common in college. Weekly was common right after college. Now with a full time job, family, house maintenance, etc. I probably average once every 2 months or so and I'm amazed I even have that much time to spend with friends. I'm looking forward to retirement.

I wonder how it was when people didn't move as far as today. Geographical proximity might surely help emotional proximity.

Not really. Almost my entire extended family lives withing a single county and I basically never see them.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#100

Post by slx26 »

hq992 wrote: post #9

I need to spend time with people. I feel miserable when I don't. I doesn't matter if it's quality time, I can literally be doing nothing useful but if I'm sharing that time with someone else then it's all good. The irony is that I frequently don't because of some circumstances that I live in, but I'm working hard to change change that.

I'm pretty much the opposite. I can get along with people and I never have problems with others, but I just can't stand being with people. It completely drains me, and I tend to become depressed for a few days afterwards. It doesn't matter if the interaction is "pleasant" or not.
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