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It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

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Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#91

Post by badpun »

safeplanet-fesa wrote: post #72
dasyatidprime wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If that worked enough of the time, articles like the OP wouldn't get written much. Emotionally speaking, giving up is actually a pretty sticky idea! The potential for putting a pile of effort in, finding it wasn't really enough, and being confronted afterward with all the things you did wrong with no chance to correct them now is paralyzing ; it's “safer” in a way to not try, never know, and only experience the one,…

The society will not like your attitude; expect to experience continuous peer pressure. Nearly everyone is hard-coded with the unconditional "never give up", "hope dies last" and so on. The common arguments "might as well make the best out of it", together with the anti-suicidal "if you are going to die, sell everything and give your life another chance", I find annoying. All attempts require efforts. Sometimes you k…

> The society will not like your attitude; expect to experience continuous peer pressure. Nearly everyone is hard-coded with the unconditional "never give up", "hope dies last" and so on.

This is only true in US and perhaps a handful of other countries. In most of the world, society tells you to NOT follow your dreams, as they know from experience that this will usually end badly for both you and those close to you. I.e. even if you want to be a painter, your family in India or Eastern Europe will work very hard at convincing you to become a doctor, an engineer or something else "safe". They do it for your own sake (only minority of art students make it and are satisfied with their careers) and also for their own - it's no fun supporting a grown-up son/daughter that is a financially struggling and possibly depressed.

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#92

Post by alexpetralia »

mikekchar wrote: post #74
lanrh1836 wrote: post #5

This makes the wrong assumption that happiness comes with success. Success doesn’t bring happiness. If anything, being happy in the first place is what gives you a better chance at achieving success.

Success is surprisingly fun. However, allow me to make a distinction. For a lot of people instead of wishing to do something, they wish to have done something. So for example, they may say that they wish to make a lot of money, but actually they want to have made a lot of money. The idea in their head is lounging on the beach with cute waiting staff at their beck and call. However the thing they end up doing is worki…

This is a very useful distinction. Thanks!

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#93

Post by ScottFree »

sidcool wrote: post #79
llamataboot wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Might I suggest, with sincerity and humbleness, that the question is a very good start and maybe it's not uncertainty holding you back but fear? Where do you go when you keep asking "I'm dying, not much time left, is it worth it?" I mean, is it?

That's the one! It's next to impossible to go beyond that question. Where do you go from there? And you are spot on with the 'fear' part.

Isn't the next logical question "what makes life worth living?"

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#94

Post by coldtea »

inlined wrote: post #49
lanrh1836 wrote: post #5

This makes the wrong assumption that happiness comes with success. Success doesn’t bring happiness. If anything, being happy in the first place is what gives you a better chance at achieving success.

Reminds me of a career limiting move I made at my first job. I was a rising star and got head hunted to be the first member on a new team for a critical project. I took the opportunity because it had a higher potential for career growth, but I ended up leaving the company. I considered my manager an egotistical jerk; he even called our 1:1s lessons. He told me that any part of my personality that didn’t line up with…

>He told me that any part of my personality that didn’t line up with what the company would score on a Meyers Briggs was a problem.

He was an idiot. In an ideal society such persons would only work in the circus...

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#95

Post by coldtea »

keyle wrote: post #30
lanrh1836 wrote: post #5

This makes the wrong assumption that happiness comes with success. Success doesn’t bring happiness. If anything, being happy in the first place is what gives you a better chance at achieving success.

Exactly. Even the quote used: > “Comparison is the thief of joy.” —Theodore Roosevelt Isn't 'success' a form of comparison? How do you quantify success? Is it binary? Is it a validation from peers? Do your own thing, be excellent at it, have fun.

>Isn't 'success' a form of comparison? How do you quantify success?

If you're happy and have achieved your goals, you're successful. No external quantification or validation required.

You still need to compare your state with your desired state, but that's it.

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#96

Post by hkai »

mikekchar wrote: post #74
lanrh1836 wrote: post #5

This makes the wrong assumption that happiness comes with success. Success doesn’t bring happiness. If anything, being happy in the first place is what gives you a better chance at achieving success.

Success is surprisingly fun. However, allow me to make a distinction. For a lot of people instead of wishing to do something, they wish to have done something. So for example, they may say that they wish to make a lot of money, but actually they want to have made a lot of money. The idea in their head is lounging on the beach with cute waiting staff at their beck and call. However the thing they end up doing is worki…

I came to the comments to learn new ideas and I found one, thank you.

Indeed I was wondering why completing tasks is absolutely unsatisfying for me: it's because I wish I would have done them (earlier).

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#97

Post by denzil »

sidcool wrote: post #34

Posts like these give me some hope. I am 37 and lost. The work and career which once brought pleasure now seems drudgery. The daily morning battle is: "Is it worth it?". There is no answer to the question.

Feeling quite similar and only a little bit younger than you. I just rediscovered LessWrong (because of Pokemon fanfiction) and I think it might be worth for you to have a look at the Hammertime series: https://www.lesswrong.com/s/qRxTKm7DAftSuTGvj

LessWrong has it's problems, like lots of jargon, but this series seems like good tool to clean up life a bit. Especially I recommend having look at the Aversion factoring and Goal factoring, those two seem to be the most useful ones to deal with having lost some kind of "life purpose". Though I have to admit I still haven't found my solution, so take my post with a grain of salt. But at least I feel like I'm working on it in the right direction.

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#98

Post by ravroid »

seventhtiger wrote: post #65
dasyatidprime wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If that worked enough of the time, articles like the OP wouldn't get written much. Emotionally speaking, giving up is actually a pretty sticky idea! The potential for putting a pile of effort in, finding it wasn't really enough, and being confronted afterward with all the things you did wrong with no chance to correct them now is paralyzing ; it's “safer” in a way to not try, never know, and only experience the one,…

At a very low point of my life, I read a book that had an idea that tickled me out of it. In the first few pages the protagonist decides to end their own life. He is absolutely committed to ending it. Once the decision was made he realized that there is no longer any significant consequences to anything. So he will do whatever he wants until he eventually kills himself. In the end the adventure he went on helped him…

Could I ask the title of that book?

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#99

Post by davidjnelson »

sidcool wrote: post #61
solresol wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have nothing to do with this thread, but felt like answering anyway... 1. Very few people leave a legacy. The people that do often didn't do it deliberately or intentionally. 2. They don't. There might be a few people half your age that know as much about programming as you do, but the majority don't. In any case, you are the worst person to judge what special thing you bring to the table. Go and ask one of these y…

Thanks for your reply. I would love to take a break and explore the spiritual side of me, but it would need too much of rearranging my life and it may not be worth it. As such I am scared of drastic change, this would just add to the anxiety. Anything I can do with my current flow of life?

Check out The Power Of Now audiobook. As soon as you realize you are not living in the present moment, all of a sudden you are living in the present moment. It’s hard while coding. But stepping back even if you have to set a timer every few minutes to fully feel your body could help. Also, getting and staying in the flow state is very similar. That’s a worthy goal to start with. Hope that helps.

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#100

Post by sireat »

rxhernandez wrote: post #73
circlefavshape wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's nothing wrong with you - I'm guessing you just had, like most of us, a fantasy about shaking up the world somehow. Time to give up on the fantasy and engage with your actual real life instead

Good god this is awful advice. There are plenty of people that have made their only great contributions to humanity in advanced age (not that late 30s is even remotely advanced). If you gave up on dreams, fine; but don't go on encouraging others to do the same just because you lack the drive and became complacent with giving up. Moreover, there are so many things that need doing that are plenty impactful and just req…

It is pragmatic advice.

“Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world.”

If you are in your mid 40s you are not going to become great at something new to you (painting, quantum physics, chess, programming, etc etc). It is nice to dream of that, but it does not happen.

You might become decent and contribute to society in your new skill but that's different.

Who are those people who have made a single great contribution at an advanced age (let's say past 50)?

The few that I can think of (like that obscure mathematician who didn't get tenure and did his research alone) labored in their calling starting in their 20s at the latest.

The one exception could be business success which indeed is possible even at a very late age(Colonel Sanders etc)

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