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An Epidemic of Loneliness in America?

nytimes.com

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Re: An Epidemic of Loneliness in America?

#91

Post by et-al »

baddox wrote: post #84
jpernst wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is an insightful observation that I feel is worth unpacking further. I've had similar experience when attending interest-based meetups, which I thought would be an ideal place to make friends (which I've never been any good at), but I found that was not the case at all. Thinking back, I recall feeling uncomfortable commenting on or diverting the conversation towards anything that was unrelated to the prescribed…

That’s precisely my experience. I have “hiking buddies,” but they remain just that unless I make an effort to connect more (which I’m generally not great at). It’s not that we never talk about things other than hiking—we certainly do, but the fact that the group is assembled for the purpose of the particular outdoor adventure still prevents there from being much organic significant friendship building. It probably do…

> the fact that the group is assembled for the purpose of the particular outdoor adventure still prevents there from being much organic significant friendship building

I'm of the belief that you don't "create" close friends as much as you "discover" them. So the purpose of going to meetups, events, parties, etc. is to just cast a wider net.

Sure by socializing more you become a better conversationalist and can carry them on better with strangers, but at the core, close friends are like significant others--special just they way they are.

Re: An Epidemic of Loneliness in America?

#93

Post by odiroot »

BurningFrog wrote: post #32
humanrebar wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I make new friends of all ages all the time. At church. It does provide "proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other". And not by coincidence. One of the major goals of church is to help people form healthy and significant relationships (that is, friendships).

Yeah, as an atheist, the weekly unforced meetup you guys have is the one thing I do envy. I wonder how many of the churchgoers secretly have no real faith and are only there for the company...

I have strong suspicion my Catholic parents were like this their whole life. We never discussed the spiritual or dogmatic aspects of the religion. It was all about going to the church itself.

Re: An Epidemic of Loneliness in America?

#94

Post by ThrowMeDown01 »

et-al wrote: post #89
ThrowMeDown01 wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As an atheist, I've been on two Catholic pilgrimages and countless church services. My first pilgrimage was to Lourdes in the South of France - as a member of the German army. During an introduction course in the first weeks after joining the army we were told we were entitled to certain programs, and getting time off from the army. After basic training and entering regular service I went to the base's priest, told I…

Your pilgrimage to Lourdes sounds interesting. Do you remember the route, or the at least the origin of your trip? Thanks :)

The route was by train from Germany directly to the city. The annual international military pilgrimage (in May) does not involve having to use ones feet. But it does involve drinking lots and lots of alcohol... it's probably not the same for all nations, but our train had one wagon dedicated to transporting beer for both parts of the trip, there and back, quite officially :)

Re: An Epidemic of Loneliness in America?

#95

Post by watwut »

odiroot wrote: post #92

If USA, with its outgoing culture has a loneliness epidemic, then Europe (at least the western part) is already long gone.

Those are two different things. Loneliness is more about important relationships with people who matter to you and you matter to them. You don't have to be outgoing and chat with everybody to have that. Outgoing people easy to chat with can still be lonely, deep friendship is not the same as chatting briefly in a bus.

Re: An Epidemic of Loneliness in America?

#96

Post by InGodsName »

I had trouble making friends untill i came across a movie called "The Social Network".

Before, i was like Zuck (fb founder, the one who blogged about his girlfriend) from the movie, very annoying but always spewing ultimate truth regardless of whether it hurts people or not.

Now i act like Sean Parker (Napster founder, the one who brought Peter Theil on board as an investor) from the movie, either people ignore me or become my friend.

Those of you who go blank at new people. I suggest you pick a character and play it with all honesty, if nothing atleast it will be entertaining.

Are there other movies which teach you how to make friends?

Re: An Epidemic of Loneliness in America?

#97

Post by nicholas73 »

chess44 wrote: post #33

I had no desire to make friends until college. I was so content with just hanging out by myself that I didn't even realize that other people were making friends. When I got to college I finally realized that I was so different from everyone else. I basically had to start from zero social skills and work my way up which is/was extremely painful. Can anyone relate? I think it has something to do with my parents because…

Yes, same experience and timeline. I tried improving my social skills to catch up, and I did, but years later I realized that all I needed were a few (or one) good friend. That's where the value is at, although I suppose having many friends helps you get to that point.

Re: An Epidemic of Loneliness in America?

#99

Post by cmrdporcupine »

humanrebar wrote: post #27
wenc wrote: post #18

Here's an interesting article: "Why is it hard to make friends over 30?" [1] "As external conditions change, it becomes tougher to meet the three conditions that sociologists have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other." [1] https://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-o…

I make new friends of all ages all the time. At church. It does provide "proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other". And not by coincidence. One of the major goals of church is to help people form healthy and significant relationships (that is, friendships).

I grew up in a church and this is basically the only thing I miss.

In fact it just makes me angry when I think back -- here we have a warm community in which that friendship and companionship are available only on the condition that you alter your cognition and beliefs to conform to a very precise code.

Some serious strings-attached.

Re: An Epidemic of Loneliness in America?

#100

Post by scirocco »

RickJWagner wrote: post #16

I don't think it'll get better any time soon. When I was a teenager, I couldn't wait to start driving. That led to hanging out at the town bowling center with a group of like-minded friends. My kids mostly talk to their friends online. None of them seem to have the same burning desire to drive places-- they like to get together, but they're also fine communicating on the phone. It doesn't seem as closely connected.

Nowadays teenagers hanging out sit with their phones up their faces. Constantly texting/sending photos on Snapchat, instagram, fb, whatsapp and then picking up the phone every 2 minutes for any updates.

And we thought Generation Y was going to be difficult to manage...

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