‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

Agreed. The line that got me was "[I] don’t understand how I landed this far away from myself." Boy did that resonate with me...

I'm currently halfway through a period where I miss a lot of life as I'm studying while working full time. My time commitments make it very difficult for me to do many activities, I'm often too tired anyway and I really cannot commit to a serious partner for another 2 years despite the fact I prefer to be in a relationship. I occasionally have periods where I feel like life is slipping me by but I refocus and remind myself that this is only temporary and that I'm working so hard for my future with concrete short-term goals.

On the other hand, I'm quite lucky. I have two children who I have more days than not, so I don't have the fertility pressure the author of this article has. I suspect her biggest issue with her life is her fertility, as she sees an entire path her life could have taken fading away rapidly. I've dated a lot of women over the last few years and the one thing I've noticed is that women over 30, and especially 32, often seem more focused on finding a father for their children than a partner. The author even touches on how hard this makes dating, the pressure these women feel to get serious and start a family in a very short period of time.

I'm 33 now and I have a large number of female friends who are reaching the point where things are becoming urgent. They've had these amazing lives so far, full of travel and hitting career goals, but they've neglected to find a stable relationship and now they're looking at their own fertility. I recently attended a small reunion of some college friends and of the 4 women, only 1 had children while 2 are 33+, single and childless and both of them seemed to want a partner/family. These are great women too who would have a lot to offer in a relationship but it's just hasn't worked out that way.

In either 12 or 24 months, my ex-wife and I are moving to another city nearby where her family is. It's smaller, cheaper (I could buy a house immediately), has a really amazing beach culture, etc. I intend to plant roots hard and put in a lot of effort to meet new people and make solid friends

I don't see what's wrong with the quoted reply. Why is it so wrong to not settle down before 35? I have friends who were settled down, had kids, and divorced by 35; should we seek to emulate their experience over being single at 35? Of course not.

Nor do I see what's wrong with responding to a question with a relevant and timely personal anecdote.

> And there are some things, like travel and careerism, that will not outlive you,

Apple outlived Steve Jobs. Hamlet outlived Shakespeare.

And anyway, why is it anyone's obligation to create something that outlives them. That's hubris.

I feel similarly with the differences between me and my family vs my wife and her family. I grew up not desperately poor, but with only just enough money to get by. In the late 90s we had a computer, a basic Windows 95 machine with dial-up and about 1/4 of the RAM/CPU that modern machines had, but we had one. That's about all we had for modern comforts, which I think forced me to be laser-focused on one activity. There just wasn't a lot of opportunity for me anywhere else but the computer. If I decided I didn't like computers and wanted to be a painter, there was no way we were buying art supplies. I asked for a computer and I got it and that was all I was going to get.

My wife's family wasn't rich, but the parenting attitude was "whatever you want, follow your heart". The kids had painting, sculpting, pianos, guitars, drums, dance lessons, soccer, karate, foreign language tutors, and anything else they desired. As soon as they got bored or frustrated, they quit and moved on to the next thing. The hope from the parents was if they were exposed to enough stuff, they'd find their passion. Of the three kids, only my wife has a steady job, and only because I nearly broke up with her when she was job hopping while we were dating. The other siblings quit their jobs at the first sign of any real struggle and move back in with their parents. I believe it's because they've never been forced to work past the uninteresting or difficult parts of any hobby or job in the past.

I don't know where the line should be drawn between giving kids every opportunity to find their passion versus making them stick with something they may not actually enjoy. I hope I figure that out before I have kids.

I came here to say the same thing. I actually feel kind of angry that the columnist failed to offer the only valid advice here.