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Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods

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Re: Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods

#91

Post by mmsimanga »

mendelsd wrote: post #49
mmsimanga wrote: post #7

My most upvoted comment on HN was when I made reference to fact that I had grown up in African village. I was totally unaware that this was a something worth sharing but it seemed to pique people's interest. As I didn't know any better at the time, I never felt that I lacked anything. I had two parents, grand parents and many cousins around. We spent the whole time playing, "exploring" and "hunting". Not once did it…

> To this day my little brother cannot do anything on his own without help This may be due to factors other than having been helped with his homework. Beware the narrative fallacy.

Agreed, I was taking poetic license. My little brother is the coolest barman you will ever meet.

Re: Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods

#92

Post by mmsimanga »

rdsubhas wrote: post #26
mmsimanga wrote: post #7

My most upvoted comment on HN was when I made reference to fact that I had grown up in African village. I was totally unaware that this was a something worth sharing but it seemed to pique people's interest. As I didn't know any better at the time, I never felt that I lacked anything. I had two parents, grand parents and many cousins around. We spent the whole time playing, "exploring" and "hunting". Not once did it…

> I read somewhere though, I think one of those decade long Harvard studies that having chores when young was the biggest factor in how successful people became. That seems to make sense. > I presume poor kids have to play a bigger role, hence have more chores in ensuring that household is fed and clothed. But this seems to imply that poor kids are more successful because they do a lot of chores by virtue of being po…

I suppose you could put it like that. There two other angles to it. Poor people cannot afford what more well-off people can afford. To supplement our food, we always had chickens and a vegetable patch. Someone had to water the vegetables and feed the chickens else we wouldn't have enough food. The other side of the coin is that planting vegetables and growing chickens gives you a sense of achievement and self-confidence. You learn that if you water plants every day in a few months you will have food. This lesson and confidence can be applied to other fields. So you know that if you apply yourself to something every day you will reap what you sowed. This is why then these kids would be successful. I don't think you have to be poor to learn these lessons.

Re: Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods

#93

Post by internetman55 »

I consider most of that stuff to be trash. I think, according to common sense, bad things happening to you is actually bad (for a variety of reasons). Many people who make it out of difficult situations end up with minds and belief systems so twisted that they borderline can't function in human relationships (e.g. a relative who would borderline abuse his children by screaming at them until they were crying and cowering over minor infractions because he believes you choose how you react to external circumstances and his dad pulled a gun on him so this obviously isn't even a big deal and the kid needs to stop overreacting and just try harder)

Re: Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods

#94

Post by RobertRoberts »

mmsimanga wrote: post #90
RobertRoberts wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you have hit on the difference between real hardship and simply being poor. Hardship can happen at any economic level. We weren't poor, but all of us kids were abused in my family. I got the worst of it, so I hit bottom first. But I bounced back quicker than my siblings, all of whom ended up dealing with drugs, alcohol problems, social problems, abusive relationships (they caused, and were afflicted by), and…

Thanks for sharing your experience. I am glad you bounced back and all the best to your siblings. It always warms my heart when I read heartfelt comments on real life.

I did want to add that it's good to hear about people being happy despite living in poverty. Sometimes poverty makes a bad situation worse, sometimes it doesn't affect anything, so maybe having good family and parents, maybe a safe community and similar things are what really matter?

Re: Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods

#95

Post by beenBoutIT »

saalweachter wrote: post #25
mmsimanga wrote: post #7

My most upvoted comment on HN was when I made reference to fact that I had grown up in African village. I was totally unaware that this was a something worth sharing but it seemed to pique people's interest. As I didn't know any better at the time, I never felt that I lacked anything. I had two parents, grand parents and many cousins around. We spent the whole time playing, "exploring" and "hunting". Not once did it…

I didn't really have a childhood that could be described as "difficult", but having grown up on a farm and having ended up workin' in the big city for a tech company, I suspect we have at least one common experience. Do you ever sit and think sometimes how weird it is, to know all these things and have all these skills from your earlier life that have, like, no relevance or use in your current life? It's weird to me…

I'm in a similar boat with regards to possessing a good deal of knowledge and skills that could be considered 'irrelevant', as they would look out of place on my current resume. These non-linear career paths typically give an individual a level of intellectual depth that might otherwise be difficult to obtain, and the added knowledge allows for added meaningful connections and creativity.

Re: Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods

#96

Post by krageon »

toasterlovin wrote: post #80
throwaway82729 wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Add me to that list. Became sole breadwinner at 22 for a family that had $2M in debt due to failed business. At one point, I was held hostage at gun point by a debt collector. Deeply scarred by debt to this day. Scared of investing anywhere and just hoarding for a rainy day. No family to speak of except wife and child. Very few friends. No purpose to life other than seeing my child grow up and be successful.

> No purpose to life other than seeing my child grow up and be successful. FWIW, in my opinion (and in the opinion of evolution and biology), raising children is the purpose to life. By having children, we give another human the ability to experience life. And, for most of us, they are the only lasting mark we will leave on existence.

Aside from the philosophical side of your argument, there is of course the biological argument: There are far too many people. I understand that anyone who advocates reproductive moderation will get out-competed by everyone else, but that doesn't mean that we have to accept mentally that this is the purpose of life. I'd argue that seeing this as your one and only purpose makes you akin to a cancer. Your genes exist to consume, but fulfill no real goals.

Re: Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods

#97

Post by toasterlovin »

krageon wrote: post #96
toasterlovin wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> No purpose to life other than seeing my child grow up and be successful. FWIW, in my opinion (and in the opinion of evolution and biology), raising children is the purpose to life. By having children, we give another human the ability to experience life. And, for most of us, they are the only lasting mark we will leave on existence.

Aside from the philosophical side of your argument, there is of course the biological argument: There are far too many people. I understand that anyone who advocates reproductive moderation will get out-competed by everyone else, but that doesn't mean that we have to accept mentally that this is the purpose of life. I'd argue that seeing this as your one and only purpose makes you akin to a cancer. Your genes exist t…

> Your genes exist to consume, but fulfill no real goals.

Can you give me an example of what you would consider a “real goal”?

Re: Secrets of Resilience: Lessons from adults who overcame difficult childhoods

#99

Post by tk75x »

ENTP wrote: post #15

When you have nothing to lose, you have everything to gain. Every day brings new opportunities - take each one as they come. Believe that anything is possible, even if improbable. Give a fuck, but not too much.

Can I get that on a t-shirt?
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