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The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

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Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#91

Post by Yetanfou »

xor1 wrote: post #60
damagednoob wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> They were able to grow together throughout early adulthood. That's a double-edged sword. Sometimes people grow apart.

True, but better to have loved and lost, right?

That depends on what the alternative was. For those who have been pining after love but did not find any until later 'having loved and lost' might be a desirable alternative. For those who've been busy with other things - study, research, discovery, what have you - and never really thought about finding themselves a partner 'having loved and lost' would be a net-negative.

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#92

Post by FuckOffNeemo »

xor1 wrote: post #80
megaman22 wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Or finding one who isn't traumatized too badly by past relationships.

I think that people who are "traumatized" by past relationships were the ones who had psychological issues of some sort to begin with, that that sort of damage happens when you are a child, and that your typical, emotionally healthy adult can get over it and force themselves to trust again, even if it happens repeatedly and with multiple partners, because the majority of people are "good" people, and you can't let pe…

Nothing more to add to your comment here besides stating I had a similar experience.

BPD, narcissistic and sociopathic traits all derived or perhaps exasperated by significant and truly awful childhood trauma.

Had me in an awful state for a year. Being introduced to intermittent reinforcement by my therapist was the moment that the penny dropped and I started to relinquish my feelings of loss and guilt.

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#93

Post by lackbeard »

> But for accomplished women who successfully traverse the waters of a mating pool unfairly stacked against them, mating triumph at the individual level typically takes precedence over loftier goals of reducing societal-level inequality when the two come into conflict.

It's wrong to characterize the pool as "unfairly" stacked against them; they could choose to date men with lower incomes or less education.

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#94

Post by ghostcluster »

niuzeta wrote: post #81

Is this a problem that needs to be solved, though? I see a dichotomy here. On one hand, we would like to have more women in the "educated" and therefore, high-income workforce. This, in turn, causes imbalance in the dating market and may force the women in the high-income bracket to make a concession(by lowering their standards, etc). On the other, we can go back to the model where men dominate the high-income workfo…

It's one of the drivers causing all developed countries to have a fertility rate below the replacement rate.

Japan's population, which is shrinking, worries about an aging majority without a base of young healthy workers who can support the economy and social programs. They are trying to mend this in the medium term by encouraging more women into the workforce, but, as we see from this article, that may have the unintended consequence of exacerbating the fertility crisis even further.

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#95

Post by [deleted] »

xor1 wrote: post #26
alva wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If men can increase their pool size, why not women? Women can, it is just they don't want to due to what the majority express as desirable characteristics. It is a sad state of affairs that make both men and women worse off. I know several women in their mid-thirties who adamantly refuse to consider long term partnership with perceived low status males (along lines of status, power, wealth and education). The main…

>Finding an "equal" man in your mid-thirties as a women is very hard. Finding an "equal" woman in your mid-thirties as a man who doesn't want to date down in terms of education, status, wealth, or mental health is just as difficult.

[deleted]

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#96

Post by lackbeard »

lmcnish14 wrote: post #7

Why is the onus of lowering their standards being pushed on educated women? One of the issues the author states is that men increasingly go for younger women instead of ones their own age. Why do we value youth and beauty instead of education and accomplishments?

The article isn't pushing for women to lower their standards. It's just describing the present situation and offering an explanation for how it came to be.

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#97

Post by psergeant »

niuzeta wrote: post #61
alva wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If men can increase their pool size, why not women? Women can, it is just they don't want to due to what the majority express as desirable characteristics. It is a sad state of affairs that make both men and women worse off. I know several women in their mid-thirties who adamantly refuse to consider long term partnership with perceived low status males (along lines of status, power, wealth and education). The main…

> I know several women in their mid-thirties who adamantly refuse to consider long term partnership with perceived low status males (along lines of status, power, wealth and education). Lowering standards aside, this attitude alone would be off-putting for most men, high-status ones especially. What do they bring to the table? Certainly humility isn't one of them.

Why would this attitude be off-putting? I’d much rather be selected by someone I knew had high standards.

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#98

Post by narrator »

alva wrote: post #16
vowelless wrote: post #3

> They end up being forced to compete for the limited pool of educated men not just with their more numerous educated rivals, but also with less educated women whom men find desirable on other dimensions. Considering that we want to eliminate any gaps between the genders, why are educated women limited to educated men of their own ages? Why not increase the pool like men do: go for more younger, possibly less educate…

> If men can increase their pool size, why not women? Women can, it is just they don't want to due to what the majority express as desirable characteristics. It is a sad state of affairs that make both men and women worse off. I know several women in their mid-thirties who adamantly refuse to consider long term partnership with perceived low status males (along lines of status, power, wealth and education). The main…

I wonder what the statistics are for divorce for rich women who marry a poorer guy? I'll bet it's not wonderful.

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#99

Post by epylar »

FuckOffNeemo wrote: post #92
xor1 wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think that people who are "traumatized" by past relationships were the ones who had psychological issues of some sort to begin with, that that sort of damage happens when you are a child, and that your typical, emotionally healthy adult can get over it and force themselves to trust again, even if it happens repeatedly and with multiple partners, because the majority of people are "good" people, and you can't let pe…

Nothing more to add to your comment here besides stating I had a similar experience. BPD, narcissistic and sociopathic traits all derived or perhaps exasperated by significant and truly awful childhood trauma. Had me in an awful state for a year. Being introduced to intermittent reinforcement by my therapist was the moment that the penny dropped and I started to relinquish my feelings of loss and guilt.

Could you expand on the intermittent reinforcement concept in the context of an interpersonal relationship? I think it might help me.

Re: The Mating Crisis Among Educated Women

#100

Post by mythrwy »

xor1 wrote: post #88
mythrwy wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because biology. When it comes to mating what someone is is more important than what they know. Which biologically makes sense.

I am a firm believer in humanity's ability to overcome our biology.

So are religious leaders and mothers and Soviet social planners. But they are perpetually disappointed.

Because what is humanity without it's biology?

Instinct doesn't belong to the individual, it belongs to the species. And life doesn't care atoll about abstract moral principal. That's just syntactic sugar to help us manage and grow the hive given biological impulse. When we overcome a natural impulse guess what? It's a natural impulse doing that too. If we overcome all natural impulse (how?) this species is finished and are something else, certainly not "humanity" at that point.

Right now what really drives us around is 10's of thousands of years older than the beginning of writing and cities. At least.

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