Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

city-journal.org

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

881–890 of 1001 posts

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#881

Post by utksh »

WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

We are the most connected society in the history but still the most depressed and loneliest one. We have lost the significance of physical presence of someone. Over the years we have evolved to live in tribes, that is why depression was quite rare in Joint families.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#882

Post by baroffoos »

moorhosj wrote: post #513
Toine wrote: post #369

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Prepare for a generation of desperate people when they figure out that they actually wanted to have kids but it's too late.

Are you suggesting their "fur babies" won't take care of them when they are old and sick?

Thats what the government/retirement savings are for.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#883

Post by Improvotter »

I'm moving to an entirely different city for the first time in my life, moving into an apartment for the first time in my life (not including student studios as I am incredible fortunate with my parents). I look at it both ways:

On the one hand, in my mind I have to take every possible opportunity that presents itself. You're not living when you say no to everything and I'm pretty easy to convince when my friends are going places. Last night I asked whether someone was up for getting something to eat, planning on returning and studying after again. Though I ended up staying and meeting a dozen new people. You're never going to discover life when you don't leave your comfort bubble.

Then on the other hand I am afraid. I barely know anyone where I'm going, those I do know are older than me so I'm not really inclined on "hanging" with them like I "hang" with my people of my age (early twenties). (I hate the verb to hang, but eh.) In my mind I'll figure it out and get some new friends. Ever since I moved to a student apartment/room I've changed significantly. I've made it a habit to cook for new people I know: at the start of the year I invite everyone over for dinner or I playfully mention to some new people I know that they should come over someday and I'll cook for them, most of them are very much inclined to say yes. It'll be harder in the big city where I'm going to be living as I'm currently living in a much smaller city where I bike everywhere and there is a huge amount of students. I'm in multiple student unions or clubs so I get to meet new people that way as well.

So in the end I feel like the best moments in life is when you're afraid. It means you're actually living, taking on what is to come. Most of my good memories are because I'm afraid and it turns out great. When I don't overcome that fear and don't go out for example, I almost always regret it and then I've missed out. So in the end, I'm very excited to move to an entirely new city as well :).

For those who are wondering, I'm moving to London.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#884

Post by baroffoos »

nugget wrote: post #42
codingslave wrote: post #7

I would argue that the decline of the family is directly linked to feminism, or better stated, the liberation of women from the home and from conservative sexual values. The two forces behind that are birth control and women entering the work force. These two are magnified by online dating and social media. I am not saying at all that these are bad things, just that we have yet to see the true effects of feminism on…

At the risk of wading into deeply controversal territory, I'll add some personal observations. One of the harsh realities I have seen is that it's very difficult for women to "have it all" meaning a fulfilling personal, family, and professional life, especially in the most competitive fields. Yet for many years this idea has persisted in a mythical sense as broadly achievable. I am now in my late 30s. I've watched my…

What makes you think these people even wanted kids?

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#885

Post by kurjam »

WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

Hey, you got a bunch of great people giving you suggestions for what to do. Just wanted to add - hang in there. I'm sure you'll get to a place in your life where you'll feel more connected with someone/less lonely in general.

Best of luck!

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#886

Post by abledon »

oryyx wrote: post #818

I've been lonely for so long, I'm almost numb to it. I'm 28, and sometimes I don't even feel human. I can go weeks where the only words I utter to other humans are during the 10-20 minute catch-ups with my parents who live 2000 miles away. My only consistent communication is with a group of ~5 guys on Discord, where we mostly discuss the game we play together via text. I have never so much as cuddled with another per…

great username! to solve your problem, go volunteer at ANYTHING. whether its a marathon handing out water, a soup kitchen, habitat 4 humanity, bartender at a skatepark, ticket / usher guy at theatre or sports event. so many places need volunteers and its a great way to do something that brings you above your ego.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#887

Post by asdfk-12 »

I moved for a job that I found entirely agreeable, and after a year I still have no strong ties as a 28 y/o man. No prospects of friendship, not to mention a relationship. Participating in local boards, playing fiddle music weekly with a community group, and actively participating in my workplace’s social scene.

Beginning to come to terms with the fact that the only option I have is to move to a place where I can grow emotionally and find people that I belong with, since that’s obviously not happening here. This is a shame, since my work aligns with prime ESG metrics and although it doesn’t pay well, I have a five minute commute and access to trails, nature, camping, hunting etc. which I thoroughly take advantage of..

This is an enormous public health crisis. I feel it from the center of my being.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#888

Post by TACIXAT »

refurb wrote: post #670
SiVal wrote: post #604

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In much of "flyover country", Americans routinely greet, chat with, and interact with strangers in public. Ironically, it's one of the American traits often criticized by Europeans. "How rude, how intrusive, to invade my private bubble." But then, the UK has a similar phenomenon, with sophisticated Londoners making the same complaints about England's own flyover country, "the North" [1] [1] https://www.youtube.com/wa…

My mom lives in a small town in Canada. When she visits the Bay area and we go for walks, she always says "hi" to the people we pass. It usually makes people do a double take. But it was the same when I lived in a mid-sized town in the mid-west US. People were much more friendly and inviting. Randomly striking up a conversation (small talk) was usually quite well received.

I moved to the bay area and it is comical how closed off people are. I say hi to people on the walking trail and maybe one in five will respond. This place is lonely central. If I didn't have my SO I'd go insane.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#889

Post by abledon »

malvosenior wrote: post #19

I look at so many of my single friends who are achingly lonely (late 30s to early 40s) and they all have a particular trait in common: they obsess about the possibilities the future may hold yet don’t acknowledge the hard work it would take to get there. There’s also a sort of collective delusion that if you wait around long enough, your dream partner will show up and that if a relationship takes any work at all that…

i like your style of thinking, can you put down 5-10 bullet points of knowledge you think we should all know or sources of knowledge we should investigate.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#890

Post by kinleyd »

maynman wrote: post #740
cwp wrote: post #677

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a bout of this about 20 years ago, so I made a rule for myself: I wasn't allowed to decline an invitation. If somebody proposed doing something together and I was able, I had to do it. That made a huge difference in my life. I did a lot of things that were... unexpected. (A few examples: I joined an ultimate frisbee league. I went skydiving. I joined a church group. I went to a strip club. I attended a wedding.…

That sounds like a great plot for a movie. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1068680/

I thought the link was headed to Fight Club... :)
Post reply on HN