The decline of the family can and should be traced to the fact that the feminist ideology viewed and together with its cultural allies in the unrestricted abortion and LGBT movements have always viewed the conventional family as a comfortable concentration camp. Loneliness is a direct result of the triumph of an ideology that was antithetical to the importance of the family
The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness
871–880 of 1001 posts
Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness
#872I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…
Wow, this post made me feel very lonely ! I am in relatively similar situation : I have moved from Europe to SF. I probably work too much and my main hobbies are movies, video games, books, etc .. all pretty lonely occupations. Most of the time I don't really mind being alone, not at all, but sometimes it is a painful feeling. I also have a pretty established routine : -working a lot -working out -watching some movie…
Check out https://www.meetup.com/. There are usually a lot of activities happening there where you can meet new people. I used to go to some photography meetups in south bay and tech meetups too, it was a nice low pressure way to meet new people.
Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness
#873Earlier quoted context omitted.
I had a bout of this about 20 years ago, so I made a rule for myself: I wasn't allowed to decline an invitation. If somebody proposed doing something together and I was able, I had to do it. That made a huge difference in my life. I did a lot of things that were... unexpected. (A few examples: I joined an ultimate frisbee league. I went skydiving. I joined a church group. I went to a strip club. I attended a wedding.…
I have a similar rule with my wife, that she doesn't know about. If she wants to do something with me, then I say yes, as long as I don't have a prior commitment, or, you know, am not sick or physically unable. I started this rule with her from the moment we met. I think it is part of why we stayed together all these years, and why we worked out well when so many of my previous relationships didn't. I love a lot of s…
>the "as you wish" rule
Beautiful.
Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness
#874One of the most inclusive, satisfying social activities - which serves as a cure for so many of a technologist's ills - is one most likely to be dismissed out-of-hand.
This activity is:
* physical and active - you're required to 'get in' your body, which for HN head-types is very healthy
* extremely inclusive: your age, height, weight, athleticism, looks, coordination, social skills, background, race, gender, sexuality are all irrelevant to participation
* social, but not social: you have to interact to some degree, but it's not necessary to be a hyper-social extrovert at all. Participants can be introverted, suffer social anxiety, or fall somewhere on a spectrum and still be a part of this community
* global: once you master it to some degree, it's easy to drop-in to many cities and towns across the world and have an instant community to interact with
* intellectual, but in a different context: it's possible to 'switch off' from your day-job problem solving, but still explore and enjoy solving in a different, 3-dimensional space
Partner dancing is predictably dismissed by so many - particularly males - as they immediately self-identify as a non-dancer with 'two left feet.'
That's a shame because, in the case of the males, the gender ratios are often reversed compared to the tech sector: there's usually always women in classes and at socials standing out waiting for the next available lead to dance with.
Also, while 'meeting someone' is possible (as in any social activity involving multiple people) if that's part of your loneliness problem, it's not the primary focus for most dance scenes, and the requirement to continually learn a skill to a level of competence quickly filters out people who misunderstand the primary focus of the community.
Those that come with the right intentions and are single do often end up 'finding someone', but that's as a secondary side-effect (and remember the filter means they don't have to deal with a scene of predatory competitors)
It's really worth stressing the inclusivity bit too: is there a more inclusive group activity than partner dancing? Nothing comes to mind. Some of the most popular dancers in communities I've been involved in have been very heavy-set, or old, or not 'good looking'.
There are so many scenes to pick from depending on your musical tastes: Brazilian Zouk, Kizomba, West Coast Swing, Tango, Salsa, Bachata, Rock N Roll and many more.
As a non-dancer who dived in a few years ago, I wish I'd given it a go a decade or two ago.
Highly recommended.
Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness
#875Earlier quoted context omitted.
> and have growing anti-intellectual culture. From this thread, it would appear to be baked-in as a function of self-selection. One might argue intellectuals have an obligation to procreate.
I think that intelligence is much more environmentally driven rather than genetic, though I don't have any proper references for that. I would argue that, in a properly functioning society, intellectualism, assuming it's strongly tied to wealth, wouldn't really be heritable beyond one generation. Combating anti-intellectualism as a trend is probably more complicated than just trying to get the existing educated to ha…
> I think that intelligence is much more environmentally driven rather than genetic, though I don't have any proper references for that.
Long time lurker, but since you look like you could use a good source I made an account.
Here[0] is a well-referenced Wikipedia page, so that you can base your understanding on fact in the future (something we all should aim for if we want to know the truth).
The key quote from the article intro is
> The heritability of IQ for adults is between 57% and 73%[6] with some more-recent estimates as high as 80%[7] and 86%.[8] IQ goes from being weakly correlated with genetics, for children, to being strongly correlated with genetics for late teens and adults.
This means that opportunity for intelligence is very heritable, like height. Sad for those of us who hoped we were blank slates with equal chances of success in the information age. My personal take away is that the world always has been brutal, so "fear thy creator", and get your act together with the few IQ points you were given. I hope all the different people of our planet with can succeed in creating prosperous societies despite this, like westerners and east Asians have today.
Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness
#876To me this is just another symptom of our hyper-individualistic libertarian culture. (Yes, political party fortunes aside, modern culture is increasingly libertarian:
- every person for herself
- selfishness is a virtue
- everything she does, good or bad, is all on her (meritocracy rules!, you have no one to blame but yourself)
- whatever the market pays is what she earned, even if it is 100 or 1000 times what other hard workers get (government, keep your stinking hands off MY money)
- life is transactional. (sure i can do that. what's in it for me?)
Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness
#877I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…
As crazy as this sounds smoking weed can help if you are feeling lonely. It will help you disconnect from outside stimulus but too much and you'll find social interactions not as desirable as they are now.
Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness
#878Earlier quoted context omitted.
>especially when you are on a vacation. This. I used to live in Seattle after vacationing there a handful of times, but after living there I found it to be one of the most least welcoming, racist, Progressively Elitist™ places I've ever lived (and I've lived all over the US). It's easy to say "I will commit to making more meaningful connections with people/strangers today", but if this is not received or reciprocated…
I have never known Seattle to be this way. I am sorry you had this experience, but I have found Seattle to be a supremely welcoming and friendly place.
I think it really depends what communit(ies) you land in there. Both of your stories I've heard several times about Seattle.
Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness
#879I just skimmed the article and it all resonates with my experience as an immigrant in the US but I'm also going to point out that the way cities are built in the US plays a huge role in isolating people. In most american cities the spaces to aggregate without having to pay money (let's say a restaurant) are scarce or even absent. There's no benches on the side of the streets, because we fear that someone could sit on…
This has been on my mind for a while and it really bothers me. Everyone I know lives 10-20km away and the only time we meet up is at the pub where we spend a huge amount of money. There are very few public spaces in the city and they are all loud and unpleasant to be in due to the car traffic.
I honestly think the invention of cars is to blame for the loneliness issues. All the other things like social media are just background noise compared to the invention that made it very incontinent to just casually meet other people.
Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness
#880Earlier quoted context omitted.
I had the same situation. A non sustainable life. With her all changed. I go to the gym so she does not have a skinny boyfriend. When I find something good at netflix I wait until she is home and we can watch it together. When I find a nice place, I remmember it so I can show her the nice bench under that tree in my hometown. I always have flashback about the time I moved to another city without family bondings. Then…
That sounds great! Just be careful not too become too dependent on someone else.
Chances are good that people will become dependent on each other at some point in their lives anyway, especially with those you plan to grow old with. And that is completely fine. Doesn't mean that you need to identify yourself through your partner or friends. I do think this get interpreted wrongly too often, since a fundamental part of a relationship or friendship is having someone you can depend on in times of need.