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The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

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Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#841

Post by cwp »

bscphil wrote: post #822
cwp wrote: post #677

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a bout of this about 20 years ago, so I made a rule for myself: I wasn't allowed to decline an invitation. If somebody proposed doing something together and I was able, I had to do it. That made a huge difference in my life. I did a lot of things that were... unexpected. (A few examples: I joined an ultimate frisbee league. I went skydiving. I joined a church group. I went to a strip club. I attended a wedding.…

>I had a bout of this about 20 years ago, so I made a rule for myself: I wasn't allowed to decline an invitation. That approach works great as long as you are currently getting invited to things. If it's been a year since the last time you were invited to anything, that's not going to solve your loneliness problem.

This is true, but trivial. If nobody ever asks you to spend time with them, you are doing something extraordinary to prevent it: never leaving your house, violent aggression, being drunk all the time, etc. You should definitely deal with that situation first.

But if you have normal interactions with people on a regular basis, you'll get invitations. They might be tiny or tentative or impersonal, but if engage with questions like "Can I talk to you for a second?" or "Would you like a sample of our new Teriyaki Chicken?" or even "Do you have the time?" you'll gradually open yourself up to more possibilities.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#842

Post by [deleted] »

cwp wrote: post #841
bscphil wrote: post #822

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I had a bout of this about 20 years ago, so I made a rule for myself: I wasn't allowed to decline an invitation. That approach works great as long as you are currently getting invited to things. If it's been a year since the last time you were invited to anything, that's not going to solve your loneliness problem.

This is true, but trivial. If nobody ever asks you to spend time with them, you are doing something extraordinary to prevent it: never leaving your house, violent aggression, being drunk all the time, etc. You should definitely deal with that situation first. But if you have normal interactions with people on a regular basis, you'll get invitations. They might be tiny or tentative or impersonal, but if engage with qu…

[deleted]

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#843

Post by erikpukinskis »

jodrellblank wrote: post #692
futureastronaut wrote: post #271

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I go to the gym so she does not have a skinny boyfriend. PSA, there's nothing wrong with being skinny, and some people prefer a skinny partner.

I think of skinny and fat as opposites, backed up by word uses like the "Fattypuffs and Thinifers" - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fattypuffs_and_Thinifers - it's amusing that people go to the gym because they don't want to be fat, and people go to the gym because they don't want to be thin. Are there other things in life where people go to the same place for, at a glance, opposite reasons?

Technically they’re both at the gym, but they’re probably doing mostly non-overlapping activities in separate spaces. (Which is a shame because building muscle mass is an often overlooked way to lose weight)

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#844

Post by roymurdock »

oryyx wrote: post #818

I've been lonely for so long, I'm almost numb to it. I'm 28, and sometimes I don't even feel human. I can go weeks where the only words I utter to other humans are during the 10-20 minute catch-ups with my parents who live 2000 miles away. My only consistent communication is with a group of ~5 guys on Discord, where we mostly discuss the game we play together via text. I have never so much as cuddled with another per…

Do you live anywhere near LA? You mention you surf? If so hit me up at murdock.roy@gmail.com and let's hang out. I'm 26 and still figuring stuff out too...don't worry, everyone is constantly trying to figure it out...

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#845

Post by oryyx »

abstractbarista wrote: post #821
oryyx wrote: post #818

I've been lonely for so long, I'm almost numb to it. I'm 28, and sometimes I don't even feel human. I can go weeks where the only words I utter to other humans are during the 10-20 minute catch-ups with my parents who live 2000 miles away. My only consistent communication is with a group of ~5 guys on Discord, where we mostly discuss the game we play together via text. I have never so much as cuddled with another per…

Hey I feel for you stranger. I don't know what to say really because I don't have it figured out, but try not to worry about wasting time. I guess it's all sort of pointless in the end so might as well gamble with yourself? Do something unusual, try to meet people with similar interests. Maybe go to a bar or a park? You're not a failure for not having experienced those things you listed.

I appreciate the sympathy. I think you're right about everything being sort of pointless. When I think about the scale of the universe and my place within it, my insecurities are kinda humorous. But even with that realization, my stupid brain is still depressed. Humans just aren't mean to be solitary like I am, I guess.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#847

Post by abledon »

avtar wrote: post #772
smsm42 wrote: post #728

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because for some people talking to strangers is hard. Literally - like for some people carrying a 50 lbs bag might be hard, so can be talking to a stranger. Can I take this 50 lbs bag and walk with you for a mile or two because you think it'd be fun for you? Yes, I can. Do I want to? Maybe, if you're my friend or I feel like working out or just in the mood. Or maybe not, because I don't feel like doing this work now.…

Reading this felt like you've been observing me at the gym and documenting my behaviour. I've been trying to establish an exercise habit and at some point I'd like to become comfortable again talking to strangers. It used to be a skill that I practiced unknowingly when I was young and could talk to anyone. Now there are days when I'm done working out and it takes all the effort just to make eye contact with someone a…

for an ice-breaker, dont go with an emotional check-in lol. much easier to say something humorous like 'fukin weights, bastards are gonna kill me rather than make me fit'

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#848

Post by dag11 »

picometer wrote: post #836
holler wrote: post #823

If anyone lives in Seattle and is feeling lonely hit me up! I'll grab coffee with you any time. I'm 35 & a few years ago my loneliness spiraled out of control and almost killed me. I had a lot of crap from my late teens -> late 20's and it led me to a dark place. I know what it's like to be in that place. I got sober and turned things around. Now I work remote and have a flexible schedule. Life is good! I love the go…

My friend made an app for this, and it's live in Seattle - https://www.jointhaw.com/

Oh hi, I've seen your posters posted throughout Cap Hill.

I'm curious, with these kinds of apps, do you use it yourself? I've always wondered if dating as a Tinder/Grinder employee would be weird, and here I'm curious if it's weird in a more platonic world.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#849

Post by askafriend »

ativzzz wrote: post #661
hi41 wrote: post #589

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nice quote. Does the author tell why he ends up hating a human when he loves humanity. I think I too have that problem. I look at all the TED talks and think I should love humanity but I have a bad husband to my wife and a bad father to my kids. tia.

I think it's not anything wrong with you per se, nor have I read the book, but I think it's because like the author says, dealing with people on an individual basis requires personal sacrifice. Particularly, emotional sacrifice. Allowing people to get a cold without letting it bother you. Making compromises and being forced to do things you don't want, while not being able to do what you want, on a daily micro level.…

Both of you need to watch this talk by David Foster Wallce immediately: https://youtu.be/8CrOL-ydFMI

It’s incredible and very relevant.

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