The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness • Hacker News Board

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#811

Post by jtms » Fri, Jun 07, 2019, 2:21 AM UTC

WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is a fantastic way to make a ton of friends and feel like you are part of something bigger than yourself. It’s a very “intimate” sport to begin with so forming close relationships is quite natural. The only negative is that serious injuries can and do happen that can take you out of the game for long periods of time (or permanently)

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#812

Post by inetknght » Fri, Jun 07, 2019, 2:25 AM UTC

ggregoire wrote: post #789

soulofmischief wrote: post #759

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Suicide rates have skyrocketed for middle-aged white men in the US. They are now the highest statistic. [0] It's happening already. • Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US. • The age-adjusted suicide rate in 2017 was 14.0 per 100,000 individuals. • In 2017, men died by suicide 3.54x more often than women. • White males accounted for 69.67% of suicide deaths in 2017. [0] https://afsp.org/about-suicide/s…

Are you assuming that all those suicides are linked to loneliness? What about people with money issues, incurable diseases, mental conditions, etc?

Often life issues are linked to depression so I'd argue yes indeed.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#813

Post by jonahbenton » Fri, Jun 07, 2019, 2:26 AM UTC

checkyoursudo wrote: post #809

cwp wrote: post #677

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a bout of this about 20 years ago, so I made a rule for myself: I wasn't allowed to decline an invitation. If somebody proposed doing something together and I was able, I had to do it. That made a huge difference in my life. I did a lot of things that were... unexpected. (A few examples: I joined an ultimate frisbee league. I went skydiving. I joined a church group. I went to a strip club. I attended a wedding.…

I have a similar rule with my wife, that she doesn't know about. If she wants to do something with me, then I say yes, as long as I don't have a prior commitment, or, you know, am not sick or physically unable. I started this rule with her from the moment we met. I think it is part of why we stayed together all these years, and why we worked out well when so many of my previous relationships didn't. I love a lot of s…

This is a vital rule for partner relationships. I learned it from theater "yes, and" exercises. Really important to do for kids too. Good luck!

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#814

Post by jonahbenton » Fri, Jun 07, 2019, 2:37 AM UTC

City Journal is such conservative bullshit I can't even.

There is a lot of loneliness- as there has always been for humans, who have unique capabilities in migration and adaptation. Humans can survive loneliness.

There is a higher measure of divorce, which of course is often painful at the time, but it increasingly leads to improved "family" dynamics down the road.

Levels of acceptance for kids who are "different", while still suboptimal, are so much greater now than ever before. To be a gay kid in the City Journal's golden age for families- no thank you.

Opportunities to facilitate human connection through digital means have never been greater.

City Journal is garbage. Doesn't deserve HN attention.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#815

Post by soulofmischief » Fri, Jun 07, 2019, 2:41 AM UTC

ggregoire wrote: post #789

soulofmischief wrote: post #759

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Suicide rates have skyrocketed for middle-aged white men in the US. They are now the highest statistic. [0] It's happening already. • Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US. • The age-adjusted suicide rate in 2017 was 14.0 per 100,000 individuals. • In 2017, men died by suicide 3.54x more often than women. • White males accounted for 69.67% of suicide deaths in 2017. [0] https://afsp.org/about-suicide/s…

Are you assuming that all those suicides are linked to loneliness? What about people with money issues, incurable diseases, mental conditions, etc?

Why would I assume that 100% of suicides are linked to loneliness?

What bearing does that have on whether or not loneliness is a contributing factor to overall depression in the US?

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#816

Post by pascalxus » Fri, Jun 07, 2019, 2:49 AM UTC

i wonder how much work life balance plays a role in this. Since we're at a point of record low work life balance maybe people simply aren't making enough time to enjoy themselves in groups? Imagine if we live in a world where people only worked 6 hours a day and spent the other 2 socializing with peers? would it make a difference?

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#817

Post by inakarmacoma » Fri, Jun 07, 2019, 2:56 AM UTC

What if the invite is to something you really don't enjoy, and saying yes results in your sacrificing doing things that bring you joy? Is the yes rule reciprocated?

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#818

Post by oryyx » Fri, Jun 07, 2019, 2:57 AM UTC

I've been lonely for so long, I'm almost numb to it. I'm 28, and sometimes I don't even feel human. I can go weeks where the only words I utter to other humans are during the 10-20 minute catch-ups with my parents who live 2000 miles away. My only consistent communication is with a group of ~5 guys on Discord, where we mostly discuss the game we play together via text. I have never so much as cuddled with another person, much less kissed/held hands/etc. I'm so starved for physical human contact that it's almost painful.

Anyway, I recently went back to school to finish a CS bachelor's. I have zero friends, shitty grades, no internship experience, a criminal record (technically expunged), and a GitHub profile that's essentially empty; supposed to be graduating next week and finding a job.

I don't know why I'm writing this here. Despite the fact that I'm graduating next week, I'm somehow at an all-time-low in my life. And unbelievably lonely. Like I can't even express how lonely I am, it's just a pit. Basically been in this state for 10 years now. My 20's down the fucking drain.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#819

Post by cparsons3000 » Fri, Jun 07, 2019, 3:01 AM UTC

oryyx wrote: post #818

I've been lonely for so long, I'm almost numb to it. I'm 28, and sometimes I don't even feel human. I can go weeks where the only words I utter to other humans are during the 10-20 minute catch-ups with my parents who live 2000 miles away. My only consistent communication is with a group of ~5 guys on Discord, where we mostly discuss the game we play together via text. I have never so much as cuddled with another per…

Have you tried meeting or just talking to anyone on Okcupid or Tinder? Or tried chatting with folks on Twitch?

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#820

Post by tsbertalan » Fri, Jun 07, 2019, 3:04 AM UTC

hindsightbias wrote: post #318

Nagyman wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A lot of people have kids _for themselves_. There are a lot of other endeavours one can pursue that will bring happiness. I think where we fail as a society, is in teaching ourselves how to find those pursuits, surround ourselves with friends, and avoid loneliness. > The mantra is to get rich and retire at 40 Hrm, I question the circle of people you're surrounded by. Many millennials are struggling to afford the basi…

> and have growing anti-intellectual culture. From this thread, it would appear to be baked-in as a function of self-selection. One might argue intellectuals have an obligation to procreate.

I think that intelligence is much more environmentally driven rather than genetic, though I don't have any proper references for that. I would argue that, in a properly functioning society, intellectualism, assuming it's strongly tied to wealth, wouldn't really be heritable beyond one generation.

Combating anti-intellectualism as a trend is probably more complicated than just trying to get the existing educated to have more children then the existing uneducated.