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The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

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Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#801

Post by o10449366 »

graycat wrote: post #630
natrik wrote: post #509

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If she is 20 years younger, then he will have to date her until she is 18 or so, but that's okay, too. Mother nature and the lawyers agree: A women of 18 is old enough to get married, have kids, and do well at both. WTF is this comment. Please do not take this advice.

You don't understand mother nature, women, and love. One of the secrets to a good love relationship is from the woman's often really, really strong romantic feelings when she is in her teens. That's just a fact, Jack. Live and learn that fact or suffer the consequences of ignorance. Some movies will say "That old zing" -- well, teen girls are awash in the propensity to "zing". Sure, we'd all like some thoughtful, pla…

There's nothing weirder than men on the internet talking about how to groom young women like they're fragile animals that only exist to breed.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#802

Post by jammygit »

maynman wrote: post #740
cwp wrote: post #677

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a bout of this about 20 years ago, so I made a rule for myself: I wasn't allowed to decline an invitation. If somebody proposed doing something together and I was able, I had to do it. That made a huge difference in my life. I did a lot of things that were... unexpected. (A few examples: I joined an ultimate frisbee league. I went skydiving. I joined a church group. I went to a strip club. I attended a wedding.…

That sounds like a great plot for a movie. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1068680/

There is a great always sunny in Philadelphia episode about that

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#803

Post by o10449366 »

natrik wrote: post #509
graycat wrote: post #425

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You know a LOT about life and family formation. Sooooo, teach your kids. You've identified some of their worst problems and no doubt have solutions that would work for you, so teach them what you know. For your daughter, lots of men DO want good love, home, and family -- she just needs to find one, likely 10-15 years older than she is (for the reason for the age difference, that needs some discussion I omit here). Wh…

If she is 20 years younger, then he will have to date her until she is 18 or so, but that's okay, too. Mother nature and the lawyers agree: A women of 18 is old enough to get married, have kids, and do well at both. WTF is this comment. Please do not take this advice.

Seriously. This thread has some fucking crazy people in it with very little self-awareness.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#804

Post by halter73 »

aianus wrote: post #758
rayiner wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's very complicated. Having kids at home makes you less happy (because they're work). But men who have had kids are significantly happier than men who never had kids once the kids are out of the house: https://ifstudies.org/blog/does-having-children-make-people-... > By the time the 2016 survey rolled around, fathers were 40% more likely than childless men to see themselves as very happy. "Happiness" is also not th…

> only 6% of those wish they had not had kids It's very socially unacceptable to admit you regret having had your kids. Even to an anonymous stranger conducting a phone poll. I am much more inclined to believe studies that ask for self-reported happiness and compare to life events / states like childlessness without directly asking "do you regret your kids". From what I understand, having children is negatively corre…

> I am much more inclined to believe studies that ask for self-reported happiness and compare to life events / states like childlessness without directly asking "do you regret your kids".

Did you reply to the wrong comment? That's why the parent poster led with this quote from IFS:

> By the time the 2016 survey rolled around, fathers were 40% more likely than childless men to see themselves as very happy.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#805

Post by jammygit »

balladeer wrote: post #792
JohnBooty wrote: post #578

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is great advice! (I also agree with OP's sad lack of connection in America. It is there but it is work to find it sometimes) Also great: Volunteering. You're guaranteed to meet some good people because these are other people that are interested in (1) working together (2) helping people (3) donating their time. The very worst-case scenario is that you don't make friends, but have helped somebody in need. =) Spor…

I am allergic to cigarette smoke. Whatever gathering/party it is, some always light up cigarettes and that party literally ends right there for me. So, I have given up on conventional social gatherings. Even people I play sports with (I am a regular at badminton and football/soccer) smoke when we hangout. I have always loved travelling so that's what I do every weekend - to some town or hills or a beach or trekking s…

Anecdotal, but I barely know any smokers these days. Most of my smoker friends have quit.

Hiking is great though

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#806

Post by js2 »

soulofmischief wrote: post #784
55555 wrote: post #767

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> men died by suicide 3.54x more often than women That's a very interesting statistic considering women attempt suicide 1.2x more than men.

Huh. Didn't know that. The firearm thing makes a lot of sense. I left out the statistic that mentioned in 2017, firearms accounted for 50.57% of all suicide deaths. Didn't want to get misconstrued because I support the 2nd amendment and people like to use this fact as ammunition against it. But now I would like to see a breakdown of that statistic by gender, to see how many firearm-related suicides were men vs women.

The 4th is protection from unreasonable searches and seizures. I assume you meant the 2nd.

I'm curious what the breakdown is in Japan where suicide rate is high but firearms virtually non-existant. However, I understand suicide statistics from there may be unreliable.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#807

Post by trizzak »

brianmc21 wrote: post #206
xenospn wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think having kids is scientifically proven to make you unhappy and greatly increase your stress levels. It’s no wonder people just put off having kids until they can, or pass on having them altogether.

I feel as though having children will make a lot of people very happy. But there is also a significant part(>1%) of the population that would be miserable. I believe a lot of the unhappiness is often from someone who was pressured into a choice they didn't critically think about or didn't want but caved in. Even if the pool of people is small the experience could be quite negative. Where as all the people who always…

There are a lot of things I didn't enjoy as a child that I enjoy as an adult. Raising children is different than caring for siblings, no disrespect to your personal choice.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#808

Post by shearskill »

jonny_eh wrote: post #97
nugget wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At the risk of wading into deeply controversal territory, I'll add some personal observations. One of the harsh realities I have seen is that it's very difficult for women to "have it all" meaning a fulfilling personal, family, and professional life, especially in the most competitive fields. Yet for many years this idea has persisted in a mythical sense as broadly achievable. I am now in my late 30s. I've watched my…

> I'm not sure what the answer is Better support for working parents.

Absolutely. The conversation here, centered around biological determinism, is a grand distraction.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#809

Post by checkyoursudo »

cwp wrote: post #677
WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

I had a bout of this about 20 years ago, so I made a rule for myself: I wasn't allowed to decline an invitation. If somebody proposed doing something together and I was able, I had to do it. That made a huge difference in my life. I did a lot of things that were... unexpected. (A few examples: I joined an ultimate frisbee league. I went skydiving. I joined a church group. I went to a strip club. I attended a wedding.…

I have a similar rule with my wife, that she doesn't know about.

If she wants to do something with me, then I say yes, as long as I don't have a prior commitment, or, you know, am not sick or physically unable. I started this rule with her from the moment we met. I think it is part of why we stayed together all these years, and why we worked out well when so many of my previous relationships didn't.

I love a lot of solitary activities, like reading, writing, single-player games, drawing and painting, learning new things, working on projects that she isn't interested in, etc. Without my self-imposed rule, I would likely decline to do a lot of other activities, especially outside my own interests.

But if she wants to do something or go somewhere or just sit and talk, then I say yes.

My kids are young enough that I don't quite have the same rule with them, and partly because they just want me to do stuff with them and be with them literally all the time, so we are still in boundary-setting phase, but I assume that I will eventually adopt the "as you wish" rule with them as well.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#810

Post by ca98am79 »

WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

Some other things you can do (which worked for me during a time of loneliness) are:

  * be resourceful. For example, reach out to old co-workers or people you enjoyed being with and ask them to lunch or coffee
  * go to coffee shops just to be around people
  * go out to a movie
  * use a dating site or app, if for nothing else but to meet and talk with another person
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