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How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

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Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#81

Post by leaveyou »

dimillian wrote: post #73
Treyno wrote: post #56

Have you tried online gaming? No it doesn't solve the fact that you'll be sat alone still. But from past experience, personally online gaming being a huge hobby of mine I often like to meet people from other countries in-games such as counterstrike and World of Warcraft or DayZ. We speak a little through game chat (Mic, if they're enabled). If I enjoy playing with them I get them to hop on to Teamspeak or skype with…

Hey, +1000 for online gaming. I'm an moderate introvert with some greats friends. Nowadays I play a lot a certain MMO. I met some greats & awesome people, even had some meetup IRL. I've met people working at Apple, Blizzard & more. We shared passion & experience, it got me some business opportunity too. The world is so small it's amazing.

-10000 for online gaming. You don't know it yet but online gaming can ruin your life. It's the most accessible, inoffensive looking, procrastination enhancing, important decision delaying, time wasting, addictive habit/hobby/relaxation.

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#82

Post by bybjorn »

Making friends in a new place can be difficult, especially if you have finished school and are living in a big city. It's not an uncommon thing to struggle with, a lot of people have it this way - introvert or not.

My tip would be to get involved in some activities you like, sports or otherwise. That way you'll meet new people, that you interact with in that setting. Of course, taking it from that setting to other settings can be the hard part, but after a while when you get to know people you'll see who you're getting a long the best with. A simple question like "So, what are you doing this weekend?" can go a long way.

Meeting friends is a bit like hooking up with girls and dating in general. Find the ones you get a long with well, don't come off too needy and then make a suggestion when the time is right.

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#83

Post by juliend2 »

Hey!

I guess you were probably raised in a buddhist family so I don't know if you can apply the same thing with your belief, but for me, being far from my home town is not a big deal since I really feel at home when I go to church. People at my church are like a family for me. And I find it like that almost everywhere I meet christians. I get the same support, feeling of belonging, etc. that I would get in a family.

Also, "How to make friends and influence people" is a good book I recommend (started reading it recently).

And like someone else said, try talking to someone new every day. Maybe to other asian people at first if it's easier for you. This guide helped me with that: http://www.wikihow.com/Talk-to-Strangers

God bless you. :)

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#84

Post by icebraining »

chaostheory wrote: post #76
dnautics wrote: post #65

I stated this in a sub thread, but: Get in the practice of getting in debt to other people (not necessarily monetary). Asking for favors, or help. If you read Debt: The Last 5000 years, debts are the glue that held society together for milennia. It sounds like you have done a lot of work making yourself independent. But if you want to be social and have friends, you have to do exactly the opposite, and find a way to…

If my memory is still good, Benjamin Franklin did this by borrowing books from other people whom he wanted to get to know.

It's actually called the Ben Franklin effect[1], since he remarked upon it: "He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged."

[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Franklin_effect

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#85

Post by briantakita »

Get out of your head. You are perfect the way you are. Live in the moment. Love yourself. You don't need anybody else to complete you.

Find something that you are passionate & knowledgeable about that others are also passionate about. Preferable with women. Join meetups.

If you are knowledgeable, you can be an authority figure, which is high status.

Exercise, preferably with other people. Get used to being around confident people.

I personally like yoga. Particularly Kundalini Yoga, since the practice emphasizes social interactions & it's practitioners are full of love.

Figure out what you are good at. You can also get friends who compliment you. For example, you may want to find someone who more socially inclined, but not good in an area that you are good in. It could be mutually beneficial.

Make sure that you are giving & receiving from the friendship. Don't allow it to be a one-sided friendship or someone will grow resentful & not in control over their own life.

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#86

Post by danieltillett »

typon wrote: post #77
dnautics wrote: post #65

I stated this in a sub thread, but: Get in the practice of getting in debt to other people (not necessarily monetary). Asking for favors, or help. If you read Debt: The Last 5000 years, debts are the glue that held society together for milennia. It sounds like you have done a lot of work making yourself independent. But if you want to be social and have friends, you have to do exactly the opposite, and find a way to…

From my experience, indebting other people to you works really well too. However, you must not expect anything in return when doing the favour, and act gracious even if they don't return it.

I have always found the opposite - a debt that can't be paid back is the best way I know of for creating an enemy. If you ever really help someone make sure you cancel it as soon as possible by asking for something in return. It doesn't matter if what you ask for is small, but you must release the recipient of your debt as soon as possible.

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#87

Post by gurtwo »

Join a meetup.com group of movie lovers (or whatever you enjoy, but avoid too-geeky groups). Slowly get to know people attending the meetups. Just be nice. Don't be afraid to politely express your opinions. When you see someone that seems alone or new to the group, be the first to approach them. You can meet tons of interesting people this way.

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#88

Post by muhuk »

jiraaya wrote: post #19

Get used to loneliness. I figured it the hard way, the more you try to get out the numbing pain of loneliness by trying to make friends, the more people do not want to make friends with you. Do your stuff, take music classes, listen to good music, become awesome at the thing you're already good at through practice and more importantly stop trying hard to make friends. Then you have a greater probability that you'll m…

A sensible suggestion among many canned responses.

I would say "get used to being alone", though. If you are OK with being alone, you don't feel lonely very often.

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#89

Post by viraptor »

Find some hobby that involves getting together with people. I'm not even saying it has to force friendships, just something that starts in a group. Anything from martial arts to book club will do. Tech meetups may be interesting - if you give a talk, there's always going to be someone to chat with afterwards.

Basically don't force it. If you're in places where you're surrounded by people, you're going to meet some of them better, whether you want it or not :)

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#90

Post by seren »

schainks wrote: post #63

ABSOLUTELY. I used to be an introvert white guy with no friends. I see two ways of meeting people, with 1 rule required: The Rule: Always say the first opinion that comes to your mind. Do not be afraid to say what you really feel, and have an intelligent discussion about it later, in which you can admit you were ignorant and change your opinion. Opinions are like belly buttons, everyone has one, and they're mostly ir…

The first advice works because by being candid and genuine, you are willing to make yourself vulnerable, and it means implicitly that you the trust the person you are talking to. And it will be easier for the other person to open up as well.

It also works in professional settings. It is better to work with people who are willing to say upfront "I don't know", rather than keeping quiet and ending up doing a bad job, because they were afraid to look weak.

So if you want someone to confide something, tell them one of your secret first. (But do not plan it in a Machiavellian way or it will surely backfire, the key is to stay genuine and really care at all time.)

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