Next time, yell: "She's got a bomb!"
Everybody runs away
Stop Leaning In. Put Down Your IPhone. And HELP ME.
81–90 of 144 posts
Re: Stop Leaning In. Put Down Your IPhone. And HELP ME.
#82A few weeks ago, I was pedalling to work in the rain when I saw something which briefly made me well up with rage: a car parked diagonally across the cycle lane, driver clearly on the phone - a new level of "f*ck you" from a motorist to cyclists. But then I saw the skid-marks leading across the verge from the road, and I realised this was a bit more serious. I stopped and tapped on the window. She was very distraught…
>> "As I remounted my bike and rode away, it occurred to me that she didn't at any point thank me..." >> "There's not much to be gained from interacting with strangers..." Good on you for stopping to help but why do you feel like you should have to gain something by helping someone else? The woman you helped was still probably quite shocked and dealing with police to thank you and it's highly likely that in such a si…
>> "The woman you helped was still probably quite shocked and dealing with police to thank you and it's highly likely that in such a situation information like where you worked completely went over her head."
Having never truly experienced trauma (closest I came was a low-speed car collision on college campus) I find it fascinating how the victim suspends empathy during trauma. For me, empathy is nearly constant, so it is difficult for me to grasp a state where it wouldn't be so, as ironic as that is for someone with empathy!
As for why people don't help strangers more often than not... I believe this behavior is supported by our modern society. We've institutionalized helping people. Through taxes, we provide emergency response teams like Fire and Police departments. We provide medical, food, and housing assistance to many in need - at least the ones willing to ask for it. And yes - some assistance is volunteer, such as soup kitchens and volunteer fire departments, but I do believe the trend to be real... Taxpayers pay others to help people for them. Helpers in this society get monetary compensation.
Re: Stop Leaning In. Put Down Your IPhone. And HELP ME.
#83Earlier quoted context omitted.
I experienced this in London after being mugged. I had to walk a long way to a police station because every person I asked for assistance refused to either lend me their phone or to phone the police themselves.
To be fair, that does sound like it could be a scam. Also, presumably all the police would have told you is that you should go to the nearest police station. Once, after withdrawing money from an ATM, two guys came up to me with a 5 euro note. They told me I had dropped it and wanted me to take out my wallet. Supposedly so I could verify that I 'indeed' lost money. Another time someone came up with some sob story and…
There was also a scammer that would come up distressed and would call a premium number that they made money off.
Re: Stop Leaning In. Put Down Your IPhone. And HELP ME.
#84I hope I would have kicked the woman in the head or wrestled her to the ground. As a male, I suspect I wouldn't have. I could have just called the police, but that doesn't really help in an immediate situation of one person trying to stab someone. So this situation calls for either: 1) Subduing the attacker by pinning them. 2) Doing enough damage to the attacker that they can't move. If they are on top of the victim,…
Exactly my reaction.
> I'm [..] a man pinning screaming woman to the ground in a public place
I can just imagine how this goes down. You grab the perpetrator, wrestle her to the ground violently. You have to lean deeply over her to restrain both her hands. The victim runs away. The woman you're holding starts to scream and shout that you're assaulting her. The police arrive.
You are fucked with a capital F.
> a man [..] beating a woman in public
... the victim runs away. The police arrive. The police tell the other guys in the holding cell that you're a woman-beater.
You get the picture.
Re: Stop Leaning In. Put Down Your IPhone. And HELP ME.
#85Did this incident happen in San Francisco?
Re: Stop Leaning In. Put Down Your IPhone. And HELP ME.
#86Let's evaluate for real, the cost-benefit of intervening physically against a knife-wielding crazy person:
-- Minimum: you'll miss the day of work, have an arrest on your record which you'll have to disclose forever and which may cost you your career, may make it impossible to enter foreign countries, and so on.
-- Probable: you'll miss many days of work due to police/legal complications. Significant chance of losing your job. Significant chance of grievous personal injury. Significant chance of assault charges which will cost you (minimum) tens of thousands of dollars to defend against (more likely >$100,000).
-- Possible: Killed by knife. Killed by cop. Jailed for assault. Jailed for murder (if attacker ends up dead, you're going to be charged for sure). Newspaper columnist heaps scorn on your actions.
-- Benefits, maximum: a newspaper mentions your name in a good way. Victim says "thank you".
Yes, everyone is wondering if someone else will intervene. But also, individually, the calculus for intervening is just terrible. Highly likely consequences include months in the hospital, months in jail, cost of hundreds of thousands of dollars. The joke about a knife fight is that the winner is in the hospital, the loser in the morgue. Which one of those two will you be?
Re: Stop Leaning In. Put Down Your IPhone. And HELP ME.
#87Give her the phone! GIVE HER THE PHONE!! edit: OK, I'm being downvoted. That's fine. But, why put your irreplaceable life in mortal danger for the sake of keeping hold of replaceable consumer electronics? That's the disconnect I'm finding hard to process.
I downvoted you, but to be honest, not because i think your advice is bad. (It's kind of reasonable.)
I downvoted you because, like the other top posts, your post managed to gather downvotes via emotional appeal, while posts that point out the actual social source of this behavior along with simple and effective advice on how to circumvent it, are left in the middle of this comment section due to lack of emotional appeal.
Re: Stop Leaning In. Put Down Your IPhone. And HELP ME.
#88Earlier quoted context omitted.
>> "As I remounted my bike and rode away, it occurred to me that she didn't at any point thank me..." >> "There's not much to be gained from interacting with strangers..." Good on you for stopping to help but why do you feel like you should have to gain something by helping someone else? The woman you helped was still probably quite shocked and dealing with police to thank you and it's highly likely that in such a si…
> If I helped someone the only thing I'd expect in return would be that if the person I helped is ever in a situation where they can provide help to someone else, they'll remember the time they were helped by a stranger and take action. You say that as if it's a minor thing ("the only thing I'd expect") but you might be expecting someone to risk their life, get accused of rape by an unstable person, put themselves in…
>You help me carry my kill home, you can have some of the meat. You help me get my harvest in, I'll help you raise that barn.
What you describe is reciprocity, trading favors or "paying it back". "Paying it forward" is something different and rarer.
Re: Stop Leaning In. Put Down Your IPhone. And HELP ME.
#89A few weeks ago, I was pedalling to work in the rain when I saw something which briefly made me well up with rage: a car parked diagonally across the cycle lane, driver clearly on the phone - a new level of "f*ck you" from a motorist to cyclists. But then I saw the skid-marks leading across the verge from the road, and I realised this was a bit more serious. I stopped and tapped on the window. She was very distraught…
The beginning of your story reminded me of the wonderful commencement speech given by David Foster Wallace at Kenyon College in 2005 [1]. It is very easy to well up with rage, but it is significantly more difficult to understand the context of another's actions. Sometimes I have to stop and tell myself "This is water" and try to put myself in the shoes of the stranger who has enraged me. I do applaud your stopping to help, and I find it unfortunate the experience was not more rewarding.
1. http://web.ics.purdue.edu/~drkelly/DFWKenyonAddress2005.pdf
Re: Stop Leaning In. Put Down Your IPhone. And HELP ME.
#90Earlier quoted context omitted.
> If I helped someone the only thing I'd expect in return would be that if the person I helped is ever in a situation where they can provide help to someone else, they'll remember the time they were helped by a stranger and take action. You say that as if it's a minor thing ("the only thing I'd expect") but you might be expecting someone to risk their life, get accused of rape by an unstable person, put themselves in…
You say that as if it's a minor thing ("the only thing I'd expect") but you might be expecting someone to risk their life, get accused of rape by an unstable person, put themselves in danger of injury or lawsuit. It's not a trivial matter. Strongly seconded. This happens more often than one would think. I do not want to alarm anyone but it is not entirely out of the bounds of reason to expect law enforcement to NOT a…
That guy did not leave after the police arrived and told him to leave (according to his own account, at the URL you give).