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The Lethality of Loneliness

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Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#81

Post by vijayr »

jessedhillon wrote: post #60
vijayr wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This will only help so much - it'll soon become a chore/annoyance, as it would become more of "checking the box" than actually "connecting with people". This is a problem that can't solved by tech, mobile app etc (tech can only help a bit). I'm not sure simply "talking with store clerk" will help loneliness. If that is the case, talking to our bosses and other colleagues (who really don't care too much about anyone o…

I don't know that you can so easily dismiss other people as not being able to help. I have kept a journal for a while of my mood correlated with how many people I talk to. Granted n=1 and totally lacking rigor, the results for me indicate very easily that even simply asking "how are you" to the person who makes my lunch has a large impact. I have made some quite close friends of the people who I interact with daily -…

I'm not dismissing other people. I'm simply trying to say that talking to other people, just for the "sake of talking" doesn't help much. 10 minutes with people who we love and care about (and vice versa) is not the same as 10 minutes with a random person. That is why people feel lonely at parties, even though they are surrounded by dozens and dozens of people. Of course, it might very well happen that that 10 mins with a random person might turn into a life long friendship - which would be awesome. Perhaps it is worth trying it a few times (like Jim Carey from the move "Yes man") and see where it takes.

All I am trying to say is - talking to a person just to tick a box on an app, won't help (either of the parties). Being genuinely interested will. And this is not a problem that can be solved by tech. If anything, tech makes it easier to disconnect, rather than connect. It is much easier to spend 6 hours watching 3 movies on netflix on a sunday, back to back, than going out and actually talking to someone.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#82

Post by brainburn »

Aardwolf wrote: post #50

I often select text in articles as a visual cue which line I'm reading. Why oh why does this site needs to pop up a "share" widget when selecting text? Websites are really popping these "share" things all over the place lately.

I'm with ya. Select, scroll, know where I was.

Just disable javascript for this page. (in opera at least)

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#83

Post by saraid216 »

virtualwhys wrote: post #48
WalterSear wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Something the article does not touch on is accepting the reality of alone-ness: we're all alone together (quote from an old friend). I don't think this is the same thing. Some people are demonstrably more alone than others, such as closeted men during the AIDS epidemic.

Agreed, but doesn't change the fact that we're all alone together. Even connected people, with friends, family, and lovers by their side...exit stage left alone. Loneliness is a layer thrown on top of fundamental alone-ness. Obviously life is more enjoyable when feeling connected, belonging and so on, but for many that's simply not in the cards. If everyone felt accepted and loved, would it be life? Sounds more like…

> If everyone felt accepted and loved, would it be life? Sounds more like heaven.

Sounds like a challenge.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#84

Post by navs »

Killah911 wrote: post #37
navs wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As is my case. it's hard enough just greeting someone let alone forming a lasting bond that eventuates into some situation allowing for intimacy.

Dude, I'm assuming you're desi, in which case you may avail yourself of the aunti-network that always seems to be a matchmaking service on overdrive. I know quite a few geeks who, while having spent more time staring at a computer than bars, have had quite a bit of success with. Based on heuristic evidence, I've seen some happy families emerge for guys who may not otherwise have done so well if left to their own comm…

Well yes I am 'desi' but I had to actually look that up. I don't know any language other than English and I've found that doesn't help much.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#85

Post by qu4z-2 »

Aardwolf wrote: post #50

I often select text in articles as a visual cue which line I'm reading. Why oh why does this site needs to pop up a "share" widget when selecting text? Websites are really popping these "share" things all over the place lately.

Maybe the websites are lonely?

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#86

Post by alashley »

brandall10 wrote: post #69
leoh wrote: post #28

I thought the most profound thing mentioned in this article was that loneliness was about intimacy. Not necessarily physical intimacy, but social intimacy. This is exceedingly important subtlety. Too often we say things like "go be social, go hang out." You can "be social", but non-intimate relationships (relationships with people you don't trust, people who are cruel, people who aren't authentic) do not have good th…

The loneliest period of my life was during my clubbing days in my 20s. I was out doing something almost every night, had a few dozen people I called friends. Sometimes it was alot of fun, but it was ultimately draining... the connections were superficial at best. Moved away shortly after turning 26, stopped answering almost all calls and had little social interaction for about 6 mos. Then I got a dog and started meet…

I know what you mean. A friend of mine was saying he was heavily into the party scene in the years before he met his now fiancée. He said meeting her earlier would have saved him years of going out to clubs for the sake of not feeling lonely.

And of course a lot of use feel like it is easier to meet someone when we don't have our walls up. But most connections made at a club are superficial at best like you said.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#87

Post by enjo »

btipling wrote: post #2

In a very good sociology course I took in college the professor drew an upside down bell curve on the board. The y axis was risk for suicide and the x axis was social interaction. The extremes of social interactions, very low or very high amounts, led to being at greater risk for suicide according to research quoted by the professor. Average amounts of social interactions had the lowest risk for suicide. I don't reme…

Suicide is a very narrow thing, however. It's also not necessarily related to "loneliness". The article is (using research) making the argument that loneliness affects medical outcomes for people. Is there a causal link between loneliness as suicide? The little bit I've studied suggests suicide is more closely related to depression. The causes of which remain something of a medical mystery.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#88

Post by tokenizer »

6ren wrote: post #18
btipling wrote: post #2

In a very good sociology course I took in college the professor drew an upside down bell curve on the board. The y axis was risk for suicide and the x axis was social interaction. The extremes of social interactions, very low or very high amounts, led to being at greater risk for suicide according to research quoted by the professor. Average amounts of social interactions had the lowest risk for suicide. I don't reme…

The Middle Way works for a lot of things (aka goldilocks, all things in moderation).

Definitely seems to be the least dangerous/boring path.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#89

Post by Mz »

btipling wrote: post #49
afterburner wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For "too much" interaction, which way does the causality run though? These people could be attempting to compensate for feelings of loneliness or other unhappiness with more social interaction.

I remember anecdotes about increase in stress and social obligations, which makes sense I think. You can imagine maybe a failed business person with unwanted attention as in the case of Bernard Madoff son, or the story of exemplary high achieving students who unfortunately end their life. Such a case was in my local news recently in Albany, CA, and when I heard of her tragedy I thought of this then too.

I was STAR student, national merit scholarship winner, etc and also an abused child who attempted suicide at age 17, which was treated at school like I was an embarrassment and fuck-up rather than being met with concern. I walked away from the limelight and chose a quieter life. I am 47 and (obviously) still alive. Many years later, I also went through lengthy withdrawal from medication rather publically (online). Again, people were mostly assholes rather than supportive.

If you are a "public" figure of some sort, the public is invested in you in a way that makes them feel entitled to an opinion and entitled to an explanation and entitled to butt in, but they do not genuinely care about you. It only compounds any problems you have.

Re: The Lethality of Loneliness

#90

Post by breakupapp »

alashley wrote: post #86
brandall10 wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The loneliest period of my life was during my clubbing days in my 20s. I was out doing something almost every night, had a few dozen people I called friends. Sometimes it was alot of fun, but it was ultimately draining... the connections were superficial at best. Moved away shortly after turning 26, stopped answering almost all calls and had little social interaction for about 6 mos. Then I got a dog and started meet…

I know what you mean. A friend of mine was saying he was heavily into the party scene in the years before he met his now fiancée. He said meeting her earlier would have saved him years of going out to clubs for the sake of not feeling lonely. And of course a lot of use feel like it is easier to meet someone when we don't have our walls up. But most connections made at a club are superficial at best like you said.

So what's a good solution to shortening the time it takes to meet one's fiancée?
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