I am taking a Consumer Happiness class right now, and we spent an hour talking about creativity and sexual release. Expressing yourself creatively (programming, playing music, creating art, designing, etc) is a sexual release and, if done passionately and wholly, can be an alternative to sex. I am a full believer that sex is very healthy for us to have on a regular basis, but I also believe that the next time you are up late and have a huge sexual desire you should direct that towards a creative outlet. Distract yourself and go to bed exhausted, yet relieved.
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#82Earlier quoted context omitted.
To bring up the obvious, I can't pass judgment on a woman who's had casual sex if I never know about it. The worst side effect of casual sex is its cultural effect. "Hookup culture" is extremely debased and elevates deviant behavior to accepted status, if not a social requirement in some circles (e.g. being inexperienced, even for moral reasons, is looked down upon by many women in New York). However, if the sex is e…
To bring up the even more obvious, maybe you shouldn't be "passing judgement" at all. "The worst side effect of casual sex is its cultural effect." Mere speculation. ""Hookup culture" is extremely debased" In your opinion, perhaps; I have no problem with it, and seems natural enough. Let people do what they will. "and elevates deviant behavior to accepted status, if not a social requirement in some circles" I would l…
I'm not going to reply to most of this, but a couple points stick out.
I would love to hear why you think sex is "deviant". It seems natural and healthy to me; after all, we were all born with the equipment built right in.
I think casual sex is deviant, not sex as a whole. The "equipment" may be "built right in", but its purpose is not to be used lightly and indiscriminately. After all, it can make babies.
Look around at the sorts of people who have a lot of casual sex. Do you seriously want them to be highly represented in humanity's genetic future, and the sorts of relationships they would have if bound together for 18 years to comprise the environment in which the next generation is raised?
Being inexperienced in any important skill is good reason to be looked down upon.
You're conflating "inexperienced" with "unskilled". I don't think there's much of a correlation. If anything, people who are overexperienced tend to be shitty lovers, because they've never need to develop any skills. If someone's that good, why would s/he have slept with 20 other people and still not found someone who came back and wanted to make it a relationship?
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#83Earlier quoted context omitted.
Where's your supportive data?
Observation only, but I'm far from the only guy who has this perception. I could be doing something utterly wrong, and if I am, I'd love to know what. I get by, right now, by being extremely selective in terms of whom I'm willing to date, which means that I spend a lot of time single.
I think what bothers me about your comments in this thread is that you expect a large stock of "decent" women to exist. As if there were some universally acceptable type of women.
It's far more complex than that. A better way to simplify it might be to say that for any given person there is probably 1% of the population (in the right age and gender group) that is suitable for a long term commitment. And it is not the same 1% for everyone.
I don't want to put words into your mouth, but the perception I (and others in this thread) are getting from you is you don't want to find a soul mate, you want to find a wife to 'manage your household' or do fulfill a similar role that has little to do with being your counterpart.
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#84It sounds like your question is more "How do I not let my desire for sex get in the way of getting stuff done." and has nothing to really do with relationships. A relationship with the right person would only increase your own creativity and productivity. I guess I'm extremely fortunate to have a relationship with someone who encourages me when I feel worn out and wants to give up and who understand when I have to pu…
I disagree with your reduction of the question I'm asking. It's not just about sex. It's a question about balancing a set of strong (but mostly counterproductive) emotional and physical desires with the higher purpose of getting things done. I agree with the rest of your post, though.
Have you thought about how you might redefine what your higher purpose is? I think that is the source of the problem. Your reason for existence is not merely to be productive.
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#85Earlier quoted context omitted.
My use of the word "quality" refers to their personal qualities that are relevant to relationships. I don't mean that people who do this can't be interesting and worthwhile people, but they're certainly not the type of people you want to marry.
You don't sit down one day with a check list and decide that since this person has X, Y, and Z, I am going to marry him/her. Rather, you marry despite absence of X, Y, and Z.
Perhaps, but some issues are more important than others, and moral character is a big one. A person's sexual history is evidence of that person's character (or lack thereof). It's the one area of life where people are easily pushed to do awful things to themselves and each other.
Seriously, do you want to marry someone who might cheat because your dick is not as wide as that of a hookup who happened to show up at the college reunion? Do you want your teenage daughters to be raised by a woman who dated the football team, and to learn about respecting themselves from such a person? Is sex with a woman special if it used to be available to any guy with a six-pack and a nice car?
If a person gets into the habit of casual sex when young, that person's almost certain to cheat in a long-term relationship, even if the relationship is otherwise going well. It's not a habit that people break easily.
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#86Earlier quoted context omitted.
Observation only, but I'm far from the only guy who has this perception. I could be doing something utterly wrong, and if I am, I'd love to know what. I get by, right now, by being extremely selective in terms of whom I'm willing to date, which means that I spend a lot of time single.
I think what bothers me about your comments in this thread is that you expect a large stock of "decent" women to exist. As if there were some universally acceptable type of women. It's far more complex than that. A better way to simplify it might be to say that for any given person there is probably 1% of the population (in the right age and gender group) that is suitable for a long term commitment. And it is not the…
I don't want to put words into your mouth, but the perception I (and others in this thread) are getting from you is you don't want to find a soul mate, you want to find a wife to 'manage your household' or do fulfill a similar role that has little to do with being your counterpart.
Where do you get that idea? Maybe I'm miscommunicating drastically, but I see a world of difference between being against casual sex and wanting women to be subservient household slaves.
I'm not advocating a slide back into the '50s. I'd much rather go into the future-- a future where people respect themselves and each other, and in which the sexes related as equals. However, casual sex is inherently anti-feminist.
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#87It depends. I have heard from the graduate students at my school that the ones with wives work much harder and usually always finish on time. I imagine this is because they probably aren't allowed to spend more than 40 hours a week at school, else their wives would kill them. Near limitless time (which most graduate students think they have) can be a huge burden. I have no idea how this would translate for a startup, but a marriage can be a huge net gain fora PhD student.
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#88in my observation, quality women are pretty much universally opposed to casual sex I'm not advocating anything here, but have you really found that to be true? I've known plenty of people of both genders who aren't exactly chaste, and I wouldn't consider them low quality people.
Logical fallacy. That's not what the quote you used states. The quote states that "people with quality X tend to not do Y." This does not automatically mean "people without quality X always do Y."
Err, I don't think so. What I quoted said "People who are X do not do Y". The contrapositive of that is "People who do Y are not X". And I disagree, because I know people who do Y and are X.
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#89Earlier quoted context omitted.
You don't sit down one day with a check list and decide that since this person has X, Y, and Z, I am going to marry him/her. Rather, you marry despite absence of X, Y, and Z.
Perhaps, but some issues are more important than others, and moral character is a big one. A person's sexual history is evidence of that person's character (or lack thereof). It's the one area of life where people are easily pushed to do awful things to themselves and each other. Seriously, do you want to marry someone who might cheat because your dick is not as wide as that of a hookup who happened to show up at the…
My use of the word "quality" refers to their personal qualities that are relevant to relationships. I don't mean that people who do this can't be interesting and worthwhile people, but they're certainly not the type of people you want to marry.
That's how I was using "quality" too. I'm not sure that I would refuse to marry someone simply because she had engaged in casual sex from time to time when she was younger.
A person's sexual history is evidence of that person's character (or lack thereof).
To a degree, I agree with you - it can be in some cases. But I'm not convinced that occasional casual sex necessarily indicates lack of character.
If a person gets into the habit of casual sex when young, that person's almost certain to cheat in a long-term relationship
And there's the rub. I totally disagree with this statement.
Oh, and for what it's worth, I've never had casual sex. I've only had one partner, and we dated for two years.
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#90Earlier quoted context omitted.
To bring up the even more obvious, maybe you shouldn't be "passing judgement" at all. "The worst side effect of casual sex is its cultural effect." Mere speculation. ""Hookup culture" is extremely debased" In your opinion, perhaps; I have no problem with it, and seems natural enough. Let people do what they will. "and elevates deviant behavior to accepted status, if not a social requirement in some circles" I would l…
I'm not going to reply to most of this, but a couple points stick out. I would love to hear why you think sex is "deviant". It seems natural and healthy to me; after all, we were all born with the equipment built right in. I think casual sex is deviant, not sex as a whole. The "equipment" may be "built right in", but its purpose is not to be used lightly and indiscriminately. After all, it can make babies. Look aroun…
"I'm not going to reply to most of this"
Because you can't?
"The "equipment" may be "built right in", but its purpose is not to be used lightly and indiscriminately."
This is just your opinion. You offer nothing to back it up.
"Look around at the sorts of people who have a lot of casual sex. Do you seriously want them to be highly represented in humanity's genetic future"
Yes? Of course? Why ever not? They are humans, after all?
"You're conflating "inexperienced" with "unskilled". I don't think there's much of a correlation."
The two words are practically synonyms. One gains skill through experience. Again, go try and get a job and use that line.
"If anything, people who are overexperienced tend to be shitty lovers, because they've never need to develop any skills."
Is it opposites day? Do you need a dictionary? They have developed skills through experience, which is the only way skills can be developed. You are utterly fooling yourself if you think otherwise.
"If someone's that good, why would s/he have slept with 20 other people and still not found someone who came back and wanted to make it a relationship?"
Because they like sex and feel no need to make it a relationship. You are confusing your own priorities with those of others. They value their freedom and do not want a relationship.