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Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

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Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#81

Post by tomp »

Claudus wrote: post #16

I've pursued many women in my life, and failed. I'm not especially tall, good looking, or rich, but I am smart, somewhat charismatic, and have a solid character. Everything I've done in my adult life has been motivated by my desire to be attractive to women that I'm interested in; studying hard to get good grades, going to grad school, pursuing good employment, developing my personal and social skills, working out, e…

Contrary to popular belief, looks don't matter to everybody. Some women go for tall, muscular men, some go for rich guys, but I don't want either of those; I like people if they can hold an interesting conversation and not get annoyed or upset with things that don't really matter in life, and I want a woman that likes me because of those same reasons.

But it took me a long time to reach this conclusion. I used to work out in order to be more attractive, but stopped, because I didn't like it and it seemed like a chore without proper motivation (plus, having some extra fat is good health-wise and for enjoying water sports); now I sometimes work out because I want to get better in sports. I studied pick-up and seduction, but realized that most of it is just games and lies, and that I don't have in me whatever is necessary to use those to attract people. Also, whatever success I've achieved, I tried to keep it secret for as long as possible, because I didn't want people, girls especially, to like me because of the fortunate life circumstances I had encountered.

For the past two years, I've been single. And picky; I've only pursued women that I was totally attracted to. I didn't seduce anyone; that means pretending, but I was just being me. I went out a lot, met new people, tried new things, went to events I wouldn't normally go. If I saw someone I liked, I tried to meet her, but only rarely managed to even talk to her. There were many failures; rejections, or I didn't like her, but ultimately there is only one reason: we weren't compatible. Then, all of a sudden, I met someone, completely unexpectedly, and I didn't even think I would like her initially (I've lost all hope). But she totally surprised me, she's the best girl ever.

I hope this helps; I tried following other people's advice and accept their values, but I couldn't. Then, I lived life according to my values and tried to meet people compatible with me. Initially, I've failed, but I kept my standards, and finally, I've met someone special. Do what you want, meet people, be friendly and honest, and someday, you will meet someone who is awesome beyond your wildest dreams!

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#82

Post by [deleted] »

Claudus wrote: post #16

I've pursued many women in my life, and failed. I'm not especially tall, good looking, or rich, but I am smart, somewhat charismatic, and have a solid character. Everything I've done in my adult life has been motivated by my desire to be attractive to women that I'm interested in; studying hard to get good grades, going to grad school, pursuing good employment, developing my personal and social skills, working out, e…

[deleted]

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#83

Post by itistoday2 »

richardjordan wrote: post #23
itistoday2 wrote: post #4

> It’s not a question of whether each of these things will happen; it’s a question of when. Don't like how she comes off as "super relationship expert full of wisdom" here. I don't care how many relationships she's had, or how old she is, not all relationships are created equal, and these things she calls "inevitabilities", while certainly common, are not inevitable. Being in a relationship with that mindset could ju…

I think that's failing to see the wood for the trees. She's pointing out a basket of serious problems people in long term relationships face... problems that when you're 20 seem distant or even irrelevant but by the time you hit 40 you nod your head and if you haven't had the exact same problem it's a good analogy for one you did have, because long term relationships - ones that last decades not months - are very har…

I'm not entirely disagreeing with you. If you look at what I said, I wasn't really taking issue with the overall theme of her message, I was taking issue with how she chose to express it and some of the specific assertions she made. Gran and this woman would be making the same mistake: assuming that their life experience is somehow representative of the life experience of someone else. Sure, it's nice to listen to others and learn from the lessons they learned, but don't go telling others that they will have the same experiences you had, as though they are inevitabilities. I'd get mad at gran if she had said that too.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#84

Post by itistoday2 »

tomp wrote: post #81
Claudus wrote: post #16

I've pursued many women in my life, and failed. I'm not especially tall, good looking, or rich, but I am smart, somewhat charismatic, and have a solid character. Everything I've done in my adult life has been motivated by my desire to be attractive to women that I'm interested in; studying hard to get good grades, going to grad school, pursuing good employment, developing my personal and social skills, working out, e…

Contrary to popular belief, looks don't matter to everybody. Some women go for tall, muscular men, some go for rich guys, but I don't want either of those; I like people if they can hold an interesting conversation and not get annoyed or upset with things that don't really matter in life, and I want a woman that likes me because of those same reasons. But it took me a long time to reach this conclusion. I used to wor…

All my upvotes are go to you! :)

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#85

Post by itistoday2 »

Crake wrote: post #74
brianwillis wrote: post #53

This is pretty personal stuff to say using an account that's tied to my real name, but hey, we're all friends here now, so why not. I'm in the target demographic for this post (I turn 29 on Tuesday), and I'm seriously considering making a conscious decision to be permanently single. I understand that people find a lot of happiness in relationships, but I just don't think I'm capable of making room in my life for anot…

I actually relate rather strongly to your post...I've eventually come to the conclusion that there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to stay single. I feel that sometimes people put too much emphasis on sex and relationships as a mandatory part of a successful life. Girlfriends take up a LOT of time. If you find someone who's a perfect match, then go for it. But scooping out valuable time in your life for a re…

(disclaimer: not a shill) go on okc, i didz have success! (took a few months... be patient). also, if you really want it, be willing to look outside your area. mine was several states away but totally worth it!

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#87

Post by Crake »

itistoday2 wrote: post #85
Crake wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I actually relate rather strongly to your post...I've eventually come to the conclusion that there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to stay single. I feel that sometimes people put too much emphasis on sex and relationships as a mandatory part of a successful life. Girlfriends take up a LOT of time. If you find someone who's a perfect match, then go for it. But scooping out valuable time in your life for a re…

(disclaimer: not a shill) go on okc, i didz have success! (took a few months... be patient). also, if you really want it, be willing to look outside your area. mine was several states away but totally worth it!

Ah, that's where I found my EE girlfriend, actually. I don't think I'd have had even that without OKC.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#88

Post by xijuan »

meric wrote: post #57
polarix wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm guessing you're male, and that's why. Also, good luck and keep going.

I don't think so, [her] first name is "cathy".

Thanks for pointing that out! Hahaha. Xijuan is actually my first name but it is my Chinese name.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#89

Post by xijuan »

polarix wrote: post #48
xijuan wrote: post #38

Reading the article and reading the comments almost gave me a panic attack. Just broke up for real today (the breakup dragged on for few months.)... 3.5 years of relationship ended for reasons that I can never never understand.. Why is relationship so hard?

I'm guessing you're male, and that's why. Also, good luck and keep going.

May I ask how it has to do with gender? Like the other comment has pointed out, I am a girl. LOL

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#90

Post by rbkillea »

pdufour wrote: post #8
rbkillea wrote: post #5

I found this honestly repulsive. It's one thing to shun those who would steer someone away from what feels natural, and it's another to offer life advice based on what one perceives to be the norm. Just because you got hitched early doesn't mean I want/have to.

> it's another to offer life advice based on what one perceives to be the norm. But isn't that the case when anyone gives life advice? Everyone has their own own perceptions of norms.

Not if the life advice is any good. It's like your maternal figure always told you, "If your friends were jumping off a bridge, would YOU?" (paraphrased)
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