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how to make this clear in the conversation(example) ,or just "feel free to say no".
How to ask for help from people who don't know you
81–90 of 97 posts
Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you
#82This was really good but an example would have really helped.
Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you
#83I'm surprised no one posted Eric S Raymond's treatise on the whole thing in a lot more detail!
https://www.catb.org/esr/faqs/smart-questions.html
It reads a bit harsh in some places but well warranted IMHO.
Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you
#84It's incredibly difficult for me to ask for help because I was raised to always pull myself up by the bootstraps. This attitude has seeped into my moral framework. If I get help, it's special treatment; it's an unfair advantage that I'm getting which will harm other people who have to compete against me. I wish people would just stop 'helping' each other (as it is currently). Help should only be given to people who a…
Very thoughtful of you overall.
As a corollary, I'd also say that it's is the helper's best interest to help someone *'deserving' not just someone asking for help. This is easier said than done. For one the helper must do a lot more wok than helping.
*=one could have a big discussion on who is truly deserving.
Also we there are many definitions of 'help' which of course I'm sure you are aware of.
Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you
#85Proof of work is tricky, IMO. I think I tend to over-prove my work. I'll explain the request, and then mention the first three-or-five-or-whatever things I've tried, including what went wrong. I always thought it was most important to show I'm serious and that I've tried everything I can try before asking for help, but I think this hurts response rates. I think the reality is that most people don't want to read a wal…
I do the same. But the benefit to me is that by the time I've written out the message and checked my work I've usually solved the problem. So it's like rubber-ducking but with social consequences attached which makes my brain actually pay attention.
Sometimes I do- But unfortunately usually what happens is I just keep thinking of NEW, less-and-less likely things to work, and never get around to asking for help (or wait too long). What I likely need is a fresh perspective -- someone else's FIRST idea -- not for someone to think of "my" 9th best idea.
Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you
#86[flagged]
Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you
#87[flagged]
Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you
#88It's incredibly difficult for me to ask for help because I was raised to always pull myself up by the bootstraps. This attitude has seeped into my moral framework. If I get help, it's special treatment; it's an unfair advantage that I'm getting which will harm other people who have to compete against me. I wish people would just stop 'helping' each other (as it is currently). Help should only be given to people who a…
Thinking that all help that you get comes at the direct (even if diffused) harm of others is a fixed-pie mentality. Everyone gets help; most everyone gives help to others; it’s essential to the functioning of our complex society and is how we aren’t living in trees and caves anymore. Success is impossible without receiving help. I have someone that I’ve never met who helps by ensuring that reliable power arrives via…
The thing is, the pie feels as though it is fixed in tech sector due to monopolization. It's fixed in terms of who can have a slice at all. So while the size of the pie and people's slice can grow, who can sit at the table feels fixed.
Also, I wouldn't frame the person who provides electricity as helping you if you're paying them. It's an exchange since you earned that money. This isn't the definition of help I'm pushing against.
Also, help might be OK and even necessary in a different system for example, but it doesn't work in the current system IMO. My view is context dependent based on my experience in the current system and how it seems to consistently weaponize help and altruism.
Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you
#89It's incredibly difficult for me to ask for help because I was raised to always pull myself up by the bootstraps. This attitude has seeped into my moral framework. If I get help, it's special treatment; it's an unfair advantage that I'm getting which will harm other people who have to compete against me. I wish people would just stop 'helping' each other (as it is currently). Help should only be given to people who a…
Very thoughtful of you overall. As a corollary, I'd also say that it's is the helper's best interest to help someone *'deserving' not just someone asking for help. This is easier said than done. For one the helper must do a lot more wok than helping. *=one could have a big discussion on who is truly deserving. Also we there are many definitions of 'help' which of course I'm sure you are aware of.
Yes. A lot of people have a very loose definition. Which is strange to me.
Some people think of the postman who brings them letters as "helping" but I don't consider it that way as they're being paid.
The people who volunteer to charities are helping, I guess... Though some of them may just be looking for future leverage/opportunities; e.g. padding their resumes...
Some people, especially who have money, tend to struggle to isolate the monetary incentive and discount the value of money being given to the person in exchange.
Re: How to ask for help from people who don't know you
#90Pretty Insightful. I'm going to have to be serious now.