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Overcoming the friendship recession

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Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#81

Post by badpun »

sph wrote: post #45
Zealotux wrote: post #25

I live in Barcelona, and during last year’s blackout I wandered through the city. As I passed by the Baix Guinardó gardens, I came across something that felt like a "A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte" brought to life: the park was full of families socialising the old way, children running everywhere, the whole place buzzing with chatter and energy. Later that day, walking home through darkened stree…

Have you ever seen those videos filming London streets in the 1970s? They are absolutely packed with groups of two or three people, not going places, but just standing there, chatting, as if they have nowhere else to be. It is something most of us have never experienced in any form and the change has happened over long enough timescales that we are used to our streets of strangers just going about their lives, the ex…

I have plenty of such scenes in my city still, but these people are usually either pensioners, or local unemployed drunks who have an entire day to fill. People with jobs don't hang outside, unless they're with their kids.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#82

Post by pino83 »

GJim wrote: post #49
pino83 wrote: post #36

One thing that I've learned from my friends in the last 10 years: You can either have deep friendships XOR children. All of them are either still without children, or are by no means valuable friends anymore. Sorry, but that's just how it is.

Disappointing somebody has seen fit to "drive-by" downvote your post that simply describes your truthful personal observations. Presumably they don't want to engage in discussion, which is precisely what this topic is about!

Well, quite often I think this way but resist to say so. This time it's even more obvious, though: They all know that I'm right. Everybody knows. That's not the point why they downvote.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#83

Post by johnnyanmac »

righthand wrote: post #15
drzaiusx11 wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Spam phone calls have become so horrendously common here in the US (multiple a day) that I just keep my mobile on do not disturb 24/7 with exceptions for those in my core contact group. Maybe I'll miss a call or two that actually had substance, but I'd rather be slightly more isolated than constantly annoyed. Find me on various online platforms with text chat, voice or video if you really want to reach me. Or don't.

Ridiculous how that ticked up in frequency (at least for me) after the last Potus election.

Did you get laid off over the year? My spams always skyrocket on a job search. Just shows you what they are really doing with your resume (despite my LinkedIn profile being 15 years old and mostly updated. It's not hard to get my resume).

Also, AI acceleration the last few years. most of the calls I do answer are clearly fake voices trying to sound real, as opposed to some TTY.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#84

Post by mettamage »

righthand wrote: post #9
germinalphrase wrote: post #7

I would strongly encourage everyone to choose two or three friends and say “hey - I want to chat with you, but it’s hard to schedule calls. I’m just going to try calling you sometime when I have a few minutes free. If you can talk, great! If you can’t, no sweat. Sound OK?” I lowered the stakes for calling/answering/not answering, and I actually catch up with my friends more often.

I just call them. I dont think you have to reach out and send a “hey I have question is it okay to ask”-style entering-the-chat messages. The overarching problem is that everyone started treating communication as a formal business letter.

Yea me too. Calling with my friends is actually a big part of my friendship

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#85

Post by johnnyanmac »

metalman wrote: post #6
hrdwdmrbl wrote: post #2

Unfortunately many people now strongly dislike receiving unexpected phone calls. You may (i have) genuinely upset some people by calling them. Yes, I’m rolling my eyes too, but that’s how they feel

many people are now unable to discuss personal things at all, as I have a small business that is growing, I have interviewed hundreds of people seeking employment, and flat out refuse to even talk about resumes or past qualifications, as what counts in this case is an ability to comunicate verbaly about a combination of technical specifications, and then the mundane details of achiving them, so a verbal interview,tha…

I feel that's more an issue in a job interview. You want to use every minute to make yourself look good, and the general "wisdom" is that employers don't care about your hobbies or social life or passions. They want someone to do the job right now.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#86

Post by johnnyanmac »

charlie0 wrote: post #13
metalman wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

many people are now unable to discuss personal things at all, as I have a small business that is growing, I have interviewed hundreds of people seeking employment, and flat out refuse to even talk about resumes or past qualifications, as what counts in this case is an ability to comunicate verbaly about a combination of technical specifications, and then the mundane details of achiving them, so a verbal interview,tha…

I wonder what is driving this. I too sense that people are really guarded these days. For me, I work remotely and it's hard to build true rapport through Slack.

Why would I open up on a company chat? I don't want my life on record to be used against me by HR later on. I'll tell some friendly coworkers about vacation details, but certainly not on a paper trail.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#87

Post by johnnyanmac »

pino83 wrote: post #36

One thing that I've learned from my friends in the last 10 years: You can either have deep friendships XOR children. All of them are either still without children, or are by no means valuable friends anymore. Sorry, but that's just how it is.

Parents by necessity need to prioritize their kid. Hard to relate when you're single. So I understand why parents seek out other parents; they have a common talking point built in for an icebreaker.

At the same time, that very much is cultural. We think we need to raise children alone, and that's very much not the case in many societies. Good friends (even single) would be part of the family and help out with looking after or playing with the kids. Basically an uncle/aunt.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#88

Post by johnnyanmac »

pino83 wrote: post #57
fnordlord wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If it helps, I've found hosting a pizza night to be a really easy way to have some good hang time with friends. I make the pizza and it's good enough to be free dinner for them. The kids get to participate by customizing their pies. We all catch up for an hour or two in the kitchen, watching me scramble and make a mess. If somebody brings over a bottle of wine, even better.

Yes, I'm sure that works. It's just not my cup of tea. Instead of doing that, I could just watch TV. And I'm really not a TV enthusiast.

>Instead of doing that, I could just watch TV.

That's not really a single vs. married divide there. That's just how you prioritize your energy in life.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#89

Post by jujube3 »

pino83 wrote: post #36

One thing that I've learned from my friends in the last 10 years: You can either have deep friendships XOR children. All of them are either still without children, or are by no means valuable friends anymore. Sorry, but that's just how it is.

Parents want to hang out with other parents.

Re: Overcoming the friendship recession

#90

Post by everdrive »

Zealotux wrote: post #25

I live in Barcelona, and during last year’s blackout I wandered through the city. As I passed by the Baix Guinardó gardens, I came across something that felt like a "A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte" brought to life: the park was full of families socialising the old way, children running everywhere, the whole place buzzing with chatter and energy. Later that day, walking home through darkened stree…

>but I went to sleep that night wondering how on earth we get ourselves out of this.

I'm sure HN will suggest another layer of technology will fix all of this.

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