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How to stop being boring
81–90 of 116 posts
Re: How to stop being boring
#82> This happens gradually. In middle school, you learn that certain enthusiasms are embarrassing. In high school, you learn which opinions are acceptable in your social group. In college, you refine your persona further. By the time you're an adult, you've become so skilled at reading rooms and ajusting accordingly that you don't even notice you're doing it. You've automated your own inauthenticity. What the author is…
the ability to read the room and know how to act in different social situations is a symptom of low self esteem?
Low self esteem and conformism, especially strong in the US where the mainstream culture is based on Northern European social norms and puritanism. The tolerance for excentricity is very low.
Re: How to stop being boring
#83I'd lump this in with so much other inspirational advice (e.g. "Dance like nobody is watching! Love like you've never been hurt!") that is well-intended but hugely impractical. I think there are finely-tuned social algorithms that we innately follow. For example when meeting somebody we often perform the progressive self-disclosure algorithm in an attempt to find mutual talking points, so maybe yeah you say that you'…
My wife and I live above a bar frequented by tourists and the bartender is a friend of mine. When it isn’t busy, I’ll usually go down there order a soda and just talk to whoever shows up. The easy opener once the conversation starts is “what keeps you busy?” and keep the conversation going. This lets them talk about work, family, hobbies or whatever else they like to talk about I read a book that said you should try…
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Re: How to stop being boring
#84Earlier quoted context omitted.
> signals very clearly you don't really give much of a shit about talking to her, and your social status is higher than hers he said "_without_ coming off like a creep"
Maybe if you do it very very wrong. I suppose you're imagining some swaggering jerk putting her down and acting self important, that's your mistake.
No, it's very much yours and the way you phrased it. Perhaps you didn't mean it this way, but you sound like some kind of "pickup artist" type giving advice on "negging" women.
Re: How to stop being boring
#85Earlier quoted context omitted.
My wife and I live above a bar frequented by tourists and the bartender is a friend of mine. When it isn’t busy, I’ll usually go down there order a soda and just talk to whoever shows up. The easy opener once the conversation starts is “what keeps you busy?” and keep the conversation going. This lets them talk about work, family, hobbies or whatever else they like to talk about I read a book that said you should try…
> I read a book that said you should try something new to you at least every quarter if not more often. It gives you something to talk about. Any chance you remember the name?
Re: How to stop being boring
#86Earlier quoted context omitted.
If I meet somebody that immediately skips the progressive self-disclosure small talk and jumps right in to a big discussion… I’m going to withdraw. Even if I agree with everything you’re saying, it comes off as aggressive. like youre trying to speed run forming a relationship by skipping the small talk
No, I'm just not going to progressively disclose my nature. I'm just going to be myself, regardless of how others in my environment might react. I can field the small talk, several of my friends have commented on my ability to break the ice quickly with strangers. But after a minute or two, the conversation is either over or we're moving onto more interesting discussions. Come to one of the conservative towns I grew…
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Re: How to stop being boring
#87I think speaks more to a certain personality type than a set of general social protocols. This person feels like their personality was worn down to something boring by trying to fit into social systems that arguably were not designed for them. What I see here is two systems that operate at different levels of abstraction. The author's is focused on special interests, systemic critique ("be polarizing" from the post),…
Being shy, small, and sensitive as a kid, I feel like I could have been particularly susceptible to censoring myself. I felt shame very easily, but a large portion of this came from a handful of loud close minded people around me and bullies.
As an adult I know the rules better and can better identify when someone reacts unduly to some quality of mine. That, and I keep better company now—other adults.
I would not go so far as the article suggests, as to be polarizing; I take it as them just going a little hyperbolic in their point. Just I want to be a bit more accepting of myself as well as others. And some people will still dislike me no matter how much I try to hide my personality. Those people are not worth it
Re: How to stop being boring
#88I think speaks more to a certain personality type than a set of general social protocols. This person feels like their personality was worn down to something boring by trying to fit into social systems that arguably were not designed for them. What I see here is two systems that operate at different levels of abstraction. The author's is focused on special interests, systemic critique ("be polarizing" from the post),…
See also: ask vs guess culture https://ask.metafilter.com/55153/Whats-the-middle-ground-bet...
Re: How to stop being boring
#89I'd lump this in with so much other inspirational advice (e.g. "Dance like nobody is watching! Love like you've never been hurt!") that is well-intended but hugely impractical. I think there are finely-tuned social algorithms that we innately follow. For example when meeting somebody we often perform the progressive self-disclosure algorithm in an attempt to find mutual talking points, so maybe yeah you say that you'…
> I think there are finely-tuned social algorithms that we innately follow.
That would explain why I can’t do small talk, those are not innate to everyone.
Re: How to stop being boring
#90what's wrong with being boring?
There's something to be said for the social losses associated with it. People who are truly boring don't tend to get noticed for social events, dates, promotions, etc. It can be hard for someone to realize they're not all that important or significant to anyone - being a mild addition that doesn't hurt any given event or situation, but no one is bothered by their absence either.