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The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

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Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#81

Post by amanaplanacanal »

acntr_employee wrote: post #62
VLM wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Its a social class thing. Homeless people sit alone, especially the crazy ones. No brand new iphone or new macbook means poverty which is usually not cool. It blows peoples minds if you read a book. Not a college textbook but something for fun. Homeless people don't read so they get confused. Its like riding the bus. There's nothing wrong with public transit, its just that its somewhere warm for poor homeless people…

> Its like riding the bus. There's nothing wrong with public transit, its just that its somewhere warm for poor homeless people to sit all winter, so its not very cool. Public transport often is the best and most efficient way to move within a city where I live, or in places like London, Stockholm, Berlin or quite a lot of other European cities. > Its a social class thing. Homeless people sit alone Really? Anyone sit…

I think most people's experience of homeless people is schizophrenics talking or yelling into the air, meth heads doing their thing, and aggressive panhandlers. The rest are just invisible. Unfortunately this distortion of reality effects public policy around homelessness in bad ways.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#82

Post by dymk »

cm2012 wrote: post #69
unsungNovelty wrote: post #50

Too many negative comments here. This is just someone discovering something new and sharing it very excitedly. Almost 6-7 years ago, I read about a 30min challenge to sit upright without doing anything in a chair challenge. That changed how I think about distractions. If I had written about it, there surely will be people who would just like here say... What is so crazy about it? I do that all the time... To me, this…

Trying to sit still for 30 min without any stimulation at all (no talking, watching, reading) sounds like torture to me.

It starts like that. Work up to 30 minutes, start with 5. The mind has an uncanny ability to entertain itself when it’s bored but paying attention.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#83

Post by dymk »

JoeAltmaier wrote: post #38
moooo99 wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I think the important part is leaving your phone and other devices home. The annoying part is that this becomes increasingly difficult to impossible. For example, I can't use public transport without my phone anymore, because my ticket is bound to my phone and the provider does not issue paper tickets or smartcards anymore. Less severe but equally frustrating, many restaurants choose to use QR codes for menus rathe…

I've avoided the restaurant-QR-code deal so far. They don't have a menu I can read? I walk out.

Do you still leave if you’ve gone out to eat with someone else?

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#84

Post by dymk »

VLM wrote: post #46
delis-thumbs-7e wrote: post #9

I didn’t quite understand why sitting alone in a café makes you a weirdo (is it an American thing?), but the piece was very well written. We all should learn how to be without electronics for every now and then, accompanied only our thoughts. It is good for the soul. I think the important part is leaving your phone and other devices home. Be alone, without even a possibility of connecting (apart from the old-fashione…

Its a social class thing. Homeless people sit alone, especially the crazy ones. No brand new iphone or new macbook means poverty which is usually not cool. It blows peoples minds if you read a book. Not a college textbook but something for fun. Homeless people don't read so they get confused. Its like riding the bus. There's nothing wrong with public transit, its just that its somewhere warm for poor homeless people…

What kind of city / town do you live in?

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#85

Post by ugjjhgvjb »

Tagbert wrote: post #74
cm2012 wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Trying to sit still for 30 min without any stimulation at all (no talking, watching, reading) sounds like torture to me.

It can be at first until you get used to it. You can observe your surroundings, make up stories about what is happening. Ask yourself questions. Listen to yourself. This is a bit like excercise. When you first start, 30 minutes of exercise can be torture as your is out of shape and not used to the effort. Keep doing it and it feels better and you feel better. Work on becoming a source of thoughts rather than a consum…

So… stimulate yourself?

> Work on becoming a source of thoughts rather than a consumer of thoughts.

This is the classic “sounds deep but actually means nothing” vague statement that’s only meant to massage one’s ego and try to reenforce an unsubstantiated idea in a faux-philosophical way.

You are always “sourcing” thoughts even when “consuming”.

Being able to sit still, quietly without having to stimulate oneself is, by all means, exactly that: avoid stimulating oneself. Looking around and trying to come up with small stimulations based on your surrounding is merely replacing one object (say, your phone) with another.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#86

Post by unsungNovelty »

cm2012 wrote: post #69
unsungNovelty wrote: post #50

Too many negative comments here. This is just someone discovering something new and sharing it very excitedly. Almost 6-7 years ago, I read about a 30min challenge to sit upright without doing anything in a chair challenge. That changed how I think about distractions. If I had written about it, there surely will be people who would just like here say... What is so crazy about it? I do that all the time... To me, this…

Trying to sit still for 30 min without any stimulation at all (no talking, watching, reading) sounds like torture to me.

It is. I did somewhere around ~10mins or something in my first try. Which I was told is very high for a first attempt. But it is indeed difficult. Like @dymk said, you work your way up.

Also, a lot of folks think it's easy to do. Until you try it, that is.

I also remember reading somewhere around the lines of handling the chaos in your-self. Or controlling the chaos within yourself.

And always thought this exercise showed what that is about. (Sorry, forgot the expression. Been a while. It's definitely more nicely put than the above.)

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#88

Post by pm90 »

The part that seems to need emphasis is that the author happened to walk inside this neighborhood cafe while just walking his dog. To many Americans, the idea of just walking into a cafe is probably alien (you need to drive everywhere).

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#89

Post by moooo99 »

yomismoaqui wrote: post #37
moooo99 wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I think the important part is leaving your phone and other devices home. The annoying part is that this becomes increasingly difficult to impossible. For example, I can't use public transport without my phone anymore, because my ticket is bound to my phone and the provider does not issue paper tickets or smartcards anymore. Less severe but equally frustrating, many restaurants choose to use QR codes for menus rathe…

It's just a matter of developing some self control. Be conscious about when you really need your phone (using it to pay or as your ticket) vs using is to pass time (doom scrolling X or HN)

It certainly is when you only look at the social media aspect of it. But always carrying a phone with you also brings an availability aspect with it. I know that saying "develop some self control" is usually a well intended advice, but it is very challenging for some people considering they are carrying their "trigger" basically everywhere.

Re: The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café

#90

Post by ugjjhgvjb »

spudlyo wrote: post #79

I struggled greatly with this article. There was something halting about it. Something precious. I felt that the author desperately wanted to elevate the mundane into the realm of the sublime. I found myself annoyed. I thought to myself "Are paragraphs a renewable resource? Is it wrong to waste them?" It doesn't matter. In neuroscience, there is a thing called the "default mode network" which is best known for being…

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