Every year, I go on a long winter solo trip. Some trips were incredible, and others felt exactly like what you describe. The main reason is that I'm leaving a rich home life and quickly miss my people and the things we do together. Every other night a new place and a new hotel room, and a meal alone in a crowd. It feels weird to leave home specifically to get so uncomfortable. The opportunity cost grows, because my r…
for me traveling was always a means to get to specific places, or rather to meet specific people. when i was younger i traveled on a bike without a goal or with the goal to find interesting people in the places i went to, and sometimes the destination of the next day was defined by the people i met. being on a bike meant that i was slower and had less freedom to make detours, but i did manage to spend two weeks biking around in luxembourg, which is a rather small country that i could have crossed in a day.
as i got older i focused on places where i already had contacts or where i could find someone through couchsurfing websites ahead of time. i never considered going to places where i could not make these contacts. the goal was to stay in those places and learn about the life of the people. the scenery on the way in between was just a bonus.
When you're younger, travel feels like expansion, like leveling up your soul. But over time, especially when you build a life with real depth and connection, the appeal of fleeting experiences starts to fade. You’re not just collecting memories anymore - you're living them.
i went through a similar experience. as a young person i spent all my school and university holidays traveling, only staying a few days in each place. there was no other option really, because i didn't want to outstay my welcome. as i started working i found jobs in remote places and instead of traveling went there to live and work which allowed me to spend more time with the same people and form deeper connections. still fleeting in a way, but less so. when i got married i effectively settled in china where i was able to make much deeper connections. in the meantime thanks to the internet (and in part thanks to covid motivating local groups to have online meetings) i was able to reconnect to old and new friends back home and keep in touch with them as well.
Thoughtfully essay, but writing this at age 29-30 feels kind of like a five year old telling me they don’t like Spinach -this is still too early in life to come to hard realizations on experienced wisdom.. give it some time and tell me about it again in your 50s -
when you do the same thing year after year, eventually you will realize that you are not learning anything new anymore, and the only way to change that is to change what you are doing, or how you are doing things. a five year old doesn't dislike spinach because they had enough of it, but because they are unfamiliar with it. clearly this is not the case here. i changed the way i travel every few years. in my teens i was doing bike rides. in my late teens i discovered that i could afford trains in eastern europe. in my late 20s i found that i could get work in remote places. and in my 30s i got married. i never stopped moving to new places. i just changed the way i got there, and the reason to be there, and the main motivator for change was that with the old way i didn't learn anything new anymore.
I have always despised travel, possibly as a result of being moved around a lot as a child. I do not care for a single facet of it. Not the planning, or the reservations, of the attaining of paperwork. Packing or parking. Checking maps to see where my terminal might be. Pre-flight fondling by total strangers. Getting on a plane. Being on a plane. Getting off of a plane. Trying to find my way to wherever it is I am su…
i can sympathize. all the things you don't like about traveling, i don't like either. thankfully it is possible to avoid many of them. at least in europe you can travel by train, which is a lot more comfortable than airplanes. when i go somewhere i make contact to locals in advance which often means that i get picked up, so i don't have to navigate tourist traps, or at least i get the local instructions how to get to the city. i spent two weeks in paris with local friends, and we didn't do a single day of sightseeing. no museum, and i don't remember if we even went to see the eiffel tower. the only true sightseeing that i enjoyed was the great wall in china which i was able to visit while living in beijing. and again, thanks to locals i got there on public transport instead of a tourist bus.
and yes, you can do a lot of exploring locally too.
to your last point going to a concert with a friend, i think the important part here is the reason you did that, not the distance or even the destination. not even the concert.
for me, having such a reason makes traveling all the more worthwhile.
I feel similarly about where I live now, but don't come to quite the same feelings about travel, just different feelings than I used to. For me, the grass was literally greener in nearly every different place compared to where I lived until I moved. My hometown was and is truly a shithole, it actively discourages every quality that the author describes and that I get in Vancouver; it's not impossible to develop, but it's rarer than it should be, assuming you'd be willing to put in the same amount of effort and have enough patience anyway. Travel had a different feeling when I felt that people in different places were fundamentally different, which led to a certain kind of extra novelty. Likewise, travel brought different feelings when I was more confused upon landing (which the author eludes to) or couldn't communicate, or could fantasize about one day living in the place as a dream. But.. I did, I moved, and developed a much more interesting and valuable life than I could have otherwise, and now I don't glamorize some of those other places quite like I used to. I have zero interest in moving away from where I do, those other places aren't competitive in the ways they'd need to be for me. That said, I do still value the exploration of discomfort and the adventure it would be to re-establish a third life somewhere new, because I don't really know how it would go, and that's still invigorating in a way that I couldn't have imagined when I was much younger. It's just that nearly none of those places would compete, I already love my day to day environment; that sort of move would be an intimidating leap despite not looking for anything better. That said, I'm fortunate that I've managed to build something for myself in a city that does compete favorably. I go to other "world class" cities, and it's very hard to find better food, better scenery, or really anything else that I don't already have access to. I'd need to go to more low key rural areas, and I'm excited about that.
Tourism has been in an absolute bubble since the 1990s . The social media turbocharged this , creating a literal rat race where travel became almost 'work' in search of the perfect selfie. Do you think we might be seeing this bubble bursting now ?
If it has sustained an industry for 35 years with no drop off in growth even through a shock like COVID I don't think you can call it a bubble.
Every year, I go on a long winter solo trip. Some trips were incredible, and others felt exactly like what you describe. The main reason is that I'm leaving a rich home life and quickly miss my people and the things we do together. Every other night a new place and a new hotel room, and a meal alone in a crowd. It feels weird to leave home specifically to get so uncomfortable. The opportunity cost grows, because my r…
for me traveling was always a means to get to specific places, or rather to meet specific people. when i was younger i traveled on a bike without a goal or with the goal to find interesting people in the places i went to, and sometimes the destination of the next day was defined by the people i met. being on a bike meant that i was slower and had less freedom to make detours, but i did manage to spend two weeks bikin…
This is a sensible approach. For me it's mainly a way to get away from the dreadful Berlin winters, to ride a motorcycle, and to see some beautiful landscapes.
It's not the best way to travel, but it's the best way to be away from Berlin for a longer period, since my friends rarely have the same amount of flexibility with regards to work.
the reality is people need to feed themselves, and sometimes a job that feels shitty is better than no job. I’m sure you know that, i just point it out to say “it’s ok”. They signed up for that job because they need it. It’s not slave labor. If you feel guilty about the class difference, then do what i do, and tip very generously. I like to leave $100 tip on the bed for housekeeping (at fancy hotels) upon checkout. T…
It's important to recognize other cultures and realize that while Americans enjoy tipping (and often rely on tips as their source of income), not every country, especially in Asia, accepts or appreciates tips, and some treat it as an offense.
yeah that’s a good call out re: cultures! Absolutely, in hindsight my advice was more framed toward a vacation in a “western” country.
Always important to research norms & customs when traveling.
Haha yeah, this feels way too real. There's definitely a point where the idea of "discovering yourself" through 4 a.m. bus rides and questionable hostels loses its charm, and a comfy robe, ocean view, and zero responsibilities start sounding like peak enlightenment.
does it? i haven't noticed. how about crossing the border at 3am with young kids and lots of luggage? once you have children the time of zero responsibilities is gone. at least until they are all grown up. i do enjoy a nice hotel only on business trips, because someone else is paying for it...
I was mostly joking from the "no kids, just existential dread" phase of life. I can't even imagine the chaos of a 3am border crossing with little ones and luggage… that's a whole different level of adventure.
When you're younger, travel feels like expansion, like leveling up your soul. But over time, especially when you build a life with real depth and connection, the appeal of fleeting experiences starts to fade. You’re not just collecting memories anymore - you're living them.
I cannot confirm that. When I was younger I liked traveling to far countries like the US, Australia, New Zealand (living in Europe) To the US I would no longer travel for political reasons, and generally I try not to fly anymore when not necessary to visit relatives. So I travel by Interrail (called Eurail for those outside of Europe) and even there often with a focus on slower trains. At 60 it was the first occasion…
I love that you've found new meaning in how you travel, not just where you go.