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Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

deprocrastination.co

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Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#81

Post by annie_muss »

darkwater wrote: post #22
prometheus76 wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's the classic situation of someone without ADHD telling us "just focus!" or "you just need to write things down!" or "you're just lazy". I have ADHD, and I also do not have a sense of smell (lost it in a TBI when I was a teenager). I tell people, "you take for granted what it's like to have a sense of smell. It affects every moment of your day, catching your interest and directing your attention all the time. Imag…

I'm not a medical expert or anything but I guess there is a good chunk of population who just procrastinates or can struggle with focus without having ADHD? Or is there always a 1:1 relationship?

The real measure is the level of harm. That's it.

My ADHD meant I couldn't hold down a job or relationship. You lose your job enough times and the depression that follows is inevitable.

That said, I can imagine a Dustin where I had stumbled into a different career, a different family situation. Then my ADHD might not have caused enough problems to be a disorder.

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#82

Post by aaron695 »

sanderjd wrote: post #11
aaron695 wrote: post #6

This site is bizarre. If you look at their stuff on addiction, they have no grounding in current theory. And by current theory, that's from science to religious ideas like prayer, nothing they talk about matches anything in the world from hard numbers to mysticism. They also have no explanation why they break with all the current theories or where their theories come from. By now they are a HN institution, but I'd be…

I think you may be right about the rest, but I don't understand your last point. "Imperfect action > perfect nothing" is not meaningless and does not simplify to "action > nothing". It's just a different (not nearly as evocative, IMO) way to say "don't let perfect be the enemy of good". And I think this is indeed an important point that chronic procrastinators constantly struggle with.

[dead]

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#83

Post by bibliotekka »

charliebwrites wrote: post #34
masto wrote: post #12

The oversimplification and promises that if you just buy their thing you'll have a distraction free life in 14 days really irks me. I struggled with this stuff for over 40 years. Only last year, after a disastrous crash, did I start learning about ADHD, which finally gave me the language and tools and access to support that I needed to start making a meaningful difference. Without the understanding that diagnosis gav…

What language and tools did you learn that helped you finally be able to cope? This is something I also struggle with and as I get older it feels like I’m losing opportunities to do the things I want to do to ADHD

I too would appreciate some resourceful links.

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#84

Post by dingnuts »

dartos wrote: post #25
LeafItAlone wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

With your diagnoses, what are you now doing that is helping you?

It may be a little weird, but the from us music from brain.fm really helps me. I’ve measured the work I get done over sprints where I listen to brain.fm and where I don’t, and I usually get 2-3 more cards done of weeks that I do. Not a scientific measurement, but it is what it is.

I have ADHD (professionally diagnosed as an adult) and basically cannot focus without music. I complained at work about endpoint management software that was interfering with my music player and was told I didn't need to listen to music while working.

I WFH so I just found another way to play music, but it was tempting to point out to my boss (who I otherwise quite like) that he had just told me that I shouldn't be using a reasonable accommodation for my disability that costs the company nothing, lol.

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#85

Post by camillomiller »

bloopernova wrote: post #60
bookofjoe wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Memories of my ex-wife admonishing me, while in the throes of a deep, disabling episode of clinical depression, to "Snap out of it!"

I'm sorry that happened to you. The phrase that made my then wife an ex-wife for me was "you're not supposed to be fixing yourself you're supposed to be fixing our marriage!" Led me (with therapy and time) to realize what I meant to her; I was an accessory.

Oh wow, glad for you she’s ex now

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#86

Post by prometheus76 »

helboi4 wrote: post #62
snazz wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A lot of people (myself included) procrastinate on something because it's emotionally uncomfortable, without necessarily having ADHD. For example, when I was much younger, I'd procrastinate on math homework specifically, not because I struggled with focus, but because it was difficult to admit to myself that I didn't know how to do it and would need to practice. Subjects that came more naturally to me (English, scien…

How do you overcome this? I've avoided things due to emotional discomfort my whole life and I don't think I can ever do better at this point. I find that it requires conscious effort to learn to do things that are required as standard for most adults.

I have found the advice in this Andrew Huberman video to be helpful. Long version: [1] Useful clip from that longer video: [2]

TL;DR: motivation is a muscle that can be developed as long as your efforts to do so are voluntary. In other words, do the hardest thing that you can actually do, even if it is just pick up one piece of trash and put it in the garbage. Or wash one dish. The list of possibilities is endless. The idea is to face your discomfort, and as you do so repeatedly, your ability to do so increases.

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OHYynw7Yh4 [2] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoutTY8XHSc

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#87

Post by prometheus76 »

helboi4 wrote: post #58
prometheus76 wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's the classic situation of someone without ADHD telling us "just focus!" or "you just need to write things down!" or "you're just lazy". I have ADHD, and I also do not have a sense of smell (lost it in a TBI when I was a teenager). I tell people, "you take for granted what it's like to have a sense of smell. It affects every moment of your day, catching your interest and directing your attention all the time. Imag…

I just had my new therapist yesterday telling me "doesn't it feel good to be consistent and achieve things" and I'm like yeah no shit. "so you need to be consistent with something" yeah that's my problem dawg. "what's the feeling you get when you want to quit?" it just happens that my life falls apart or I get really into sth else. does nobody else just lose track of all the bricks required to do things sometimes? "i…

Find someone that understands ADHD (even better if they have it too). This is just more gaslighting from people who can't comprehend that other people might not be wired the same.

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#88

Post by xyzelement »

dakial1 wrote: post #75
xyzelement wrote: post #26

My first couple of weeks at Bridgewater I was diagnosed with a fear of failure - deep reluctance to set off on a journey unless I could see the entire path through to the other side. I thought that was a good way to be actually (keeps you safe from doomed endeavors) but obviously keeps you from progressing on things where the only way to figure out the path is to walk it. In retrospect it’s a form of anxiety. If you…

You are describing me perfectly. One of the main things holding me back in life is this fear of taking risks (which translates into a lot of things, like procrastination) I'm great at mapping project risks though. So there is that. :)

I agree, and I think these are really easy to munge (and I've munged them)

1) your ability to perceive risk that is there to be perceived and act accordingly.

2) your ability to operate in places where you are not able to make risk-based decisions and you have to just "go for it"

I am very good at #1 and it has been a handicap in navigating #2 because I keep searching for a "risk model" where one isn't available.

That was the thing I've learned to overcome somewhat, as mentioned in the post you replied to.

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#89

Post by helboi4 »

SleepilyLimping wrote: post #69
helboi4 wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I just had my new therapist yesterday telling me "doesn't it feel good to be consistent and achieve things" and I'm like yeah no shit. "so you need to be consistent with something" yeah that's my problem dawg. "what's the feeling you get when you want to quit?" it just happens that my life falls apart or I get really into sth else. does nobody else just lose track of all the bricks required to do things sometimes? "i…

It's always uncomfortable with a new therapist because they lack the context to know what you're going through, for how long, and the factors that are affecting it. I've seen mine for over a decade at this point, and when I talk to people about their potential growing pains when they're seeking out help, a lot of it is a reminder that you have to create that context/history with them over time. It seems like yours is…

Yeah, most therapists have pissed me off because its infuriating having to teach a so called expert how to understand you at a premium price. I find it ludicrous that they'd be able to tell me anything about myself that I don't know or that my friends couldn't point out to me, because I'm not exactly someone who struggles to analyse myself. I'm not unfamiliar with journalling, I have read tons of stuf about psychology and I'm not afraid to confront these things. I have therefore quit all therapy I've tried after a couple months tops because I can't justify paying to see how it goes. However, I am trying it again now because I am paying nothing now because of insurance. So even if I'm skeptical I lose nothing. So hopefully I'll get to the point of them having enough context to be helpful and can assess it properly this time.

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#90

Post by doubled112 »

prometheus76 wrote: post #17
masto wrote: post #12

The oversimplification and promises that if you just buy their thing you'll have a distraction free life in 14 days really irks me. I struggled with this stuff for over 40 years. Only last year, after a disastrous crash, did I start learning about ADHD, which finally gave me the language and tools and access to support that I needed to start making a meaningful difference. Without the understanding that diagnosis gav…

It's the classic situation of someone without ADHD telling us "just focus!" or "you just need to write things down!" or "you're just lazy". I have ADHD, and I also do not have a sense of smell (lost it in a TBI when I was a teenager). I tell people, "you take for granted what it's like to have a sense of smell. It affects every moment of your day, catching your interest and directing your attention all the time. Imag…

> you just need to write things down

That's fine and all, but where did I write it down again?

I lost my sense of smell for a few weeks with covid, and I actually can relate now. It's a very, very strange thing to be without. It doesn't seem that important until it's missing, but now I can't imagine life without it.

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