Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

Yeah, bullshitting is draining.

I wonder, why? Sisyphus was condemned to aimlessly push a rock forever, but isn't that basically just the human condition? Most of us convince ourselves we're doing something, but it's narrative. Very little materializes, very rarely as intended. We like feedback and certainty in the face of randomness -- it's the attraction to slot machines. But musicians rarely predict their most popular songs (and sometimes come to hate 'em), founders toil away pivoting for years before they stumble on something that works (but most give up first), artists often only have their work recognized posthumously.

I'm drawn to characters like Jerry in Parks and Rec or Stanley in the Office because they embrace the rock. They aren't revolutionizing or disrupting. In a certain way they're really very heroic. They meet the soul-crushing apathy and uncertainty of their place in the universe head on without complaints, excuses or lies. Though mocked and derided as lazy, incompetent fools they steadily carry on. They're stoics in a modern bureaucratic context. And really there's a certain beautiful zen to that. It's very unrelatable for me and, I assume, most of the tech world.

Excellent honesty.

The stock options/golden handcuff is a real arse to deal with. Slogging out at a place where you really don't belong (or want to belong) is as you've so clearly described, a massive shitfest.

Sometimes, the money, or promise of money isn't worth it.

Obviously overcoming the inertia to leetcode a while and go through the interview ringer on top of everything else that's going on in their life is WAY harder than just.. rolling out of bed whenever and logging on until the end of the day.

Damn I really needed this today. I've been stuck in such a rut lately. I don't have a situation quite the same as yours, but it's the same in the ways that matter: I feel stuck and I just want to leave the prison.

I don't really know what to do. I have tons of skills, across multiple domains/industries, yet I can't seem to get a job. I'm in that weird middle ground of having too much experience for entry-level positions but not enough for anything more. Employers literally won't give me the time of day, and I'm decently certain it's not my appearance or attitude in the interview (could be wrong, but it doesn't seem that way). I've had several potential employers comment that they'd hire me but they don't see why someone with my experience would be after such a mindless position. I need money to live is why. Then I apply for the higher positions, and they don't like the fact that I don't have a degree or employment history in that field.

I do work, I'm a carpenter aside from being a hobbyist sysadmin/programmer, but it's drying up. People don't have dispensable income anymore and aren't having work done. When they do have work done they want the absolute minimum to save on time and money (my paycheck).

Two years ago I had to tell people they'd have to wait a month or two before I could start on their job, now they have to tell me we can't start today. We used to talk about "where are we meeting tomorrow", now we ask "are we working tomorrow".

On the other hand, I'm making progress learning how to do sysadmin and programming stuff. It's kind of it's own little prison. Why am I even doing it? Should I just focus on my current "career" and be a better carpenter, or should I realize the loss and focus on becoming a tech wizard instead. I'm at the point where I want to start setting up servers and whatnot, but is that a wise investment in my current situation? A homelab is basically a resume, so it could help me land a good job, but it could also just financially ruin me even further.

Sorry to make this about myself, just felt very relatable.

> when I try to initiate or lead something bigger, they crush it with passive aggressive, belittling remarks

If you don’t mind me asking, how do you typically respond to those remarks?

Not trying to excuse their rude behavior or saying you shouldn’t move on to greener pastures, but if you let people “get away with” passive aggressive behavior, then it’s bound to happen again elsewhere. Leadership is always tested in ways like this and it’d be wise to learn how to respond in a constructive way, rather than letting it crush you.

To play devil’s advocate, if you can’t handle some glancing criticism, how can people trust you to carry a large initiative to fruition?