Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

What not to say to someone who has just been laid off

sifted.eu

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

81–90 of 167 posts

Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off

#81

Post by AlwaysRock »

SoftTalker wrote: post #65
scionthefly wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

After a recent devastating family tragedy, a friend reached out and said "we are paying a lawn service to mow for you." It was unexpected, related to something I had posted about trying to fix our riding lawnmower, and honestly took a huge chore off of our plate at a time when we needed to focus on family. I've appreciated so many things people have done for us, from just a message, card, shoulder to cry on, or visit…

> we are paying a lawn service to mow for you. That would rub me the wrong way if I hadn't asked for it. I am just the sort of person who does not want pity or charity. If I want help, I'll ask for it or do the hiring, thanks. In particular, mowing the lawn is one of my "escapes" where I can kind of zone out doing something that is routine and mindless for a little while. It's almost like meditation. Shoveling snow o…

I think the missing context is that the person had mentioned to their friend about having issues with their law mower.

Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off

#83

Post by higeorge13 »

blagie wrote: post #18

I'll mention one more thing which helps: Concrete offers of help. Depending on the circumstances, those can be practical (e.g. cooking and bringing food, covering part of funeral expenses/logistics) or supportive (e.g. making yourself available to talk through things or just be there for someone). A vague offer of help, many people will never make use of. "If there's anything I can do..." often doesn't quite signal "…

I once offered the following to a fired friend right in the beginning of covid:

- weekly check-in to see how their job search goes and even if they need a laptop to do their home tests (because i knew it was broken)

- my reference and recommendation when they would reach the final stage of any interview ( i got a call from a hiring manager where i told them that they were basically the most talented colleague i ever had and it should be an instant hire)

- i even asked a friend to create a job for them in his company -when the previous one got into hiring freeze- and hire them temporarily until they found something more suitable.

I believe i did almost anything beyond human possible for them.

Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off

#84

Post by aaronbrethorst »

robbyking wrote: post #67
scionthefly wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

After a recent devastating family tragedy, a friend reached out and said "we are paying a lawn service to mow for you." It was unexpected, related to something I had posted about trying to fix our riding lawnmower, and honestly took a huge chore off of our plate at a time when we needed to focus on family. I've appreciated so many things people have done for us, from just a message, card, shoulder to cry on, or visit…

One thing I learned when my son was born is eating well is really tough to do when your mind is somewhere else. Mealtrains -- friend sourced meal prep -- are popular for people with newborns, but I've taken to dropping off meals (or sending GrubHub gift cards for friends who live out of town) to friends when I know they're going through a tough time.

I've just discovered this firsthand. Meal trains are awesome, but really challenging to have done right if you and/or your partner have serious food allergies. GrubHub is definitely good, but what's worked for us is a prepared foods service that drops off pre-cooked meals twice a week. Our friends and family gave us cash to help allay the cost of the service, but it's really not much more expensive than takeout.

We're in Seattle, and use these folks: https://www.westerlykitchen.com

Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off

#85

Post by minimal-o »

pfdietz wrote: post #37
kazinator wrote: post #25

"I'd tell you some lay-off jokes to cheer you up, but none of `em work!"

"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Not you anymore." This is dreadful, I know.

I've only been laid off one time in my life. I was working in Network Operations for an oil and gas company as a sysadmin / disaster recovery specialist. Anyway, there was some industry crisis and management announced layoffs were coming. On the day the axe fell my departmental director was calling people into his office. My turn came and I went in and when I saw the expression on his face I knew something was amiss. He was like "OK here is your severance doco." I was of course shocked because I was the hotshot in my department. So I asked, "Why? Everyone knows I am THE ass kicker on my team." And he said "Oh. Um, well we thought you `wanted` to be laid off." I was like, "Huh? Wait, no, what?" All he could say was "Sorry man". Good times !

Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off

#87

Post by abduhl »

brabel wrote: post #52

I think I still don't know what not to say... the article doesn't seem to me to explicitly tell what those things I shouldn't say are... it just explains the "kinds of things", like "don't make it about yourself"... but I don't even know how anyone can make it about themselves?! What do they say to make it look like that? Perhaps I am doing that but I have no idea?! Could someone be a bit more specific?

Here’s a real example of someone making it about themselves. This is a real post from someone else from LinkedIn:

In the summer of 2008 I had just got back from an internship at Microsoft when the impacts of FC started to land. Microsoft was generous to extend me an offer (to start in 2009 fall), and as I just started negotiating my recruiter reached out to me to let me know that I have 24 hours to accept the offer due to 18,000 employees (~18% of workforce) being let go.

It was a mind numbing number. These were people and families that we knew and had an amazing summer with. I personally knew interns who had declined offers to try and negotiate a different offer who did not have anything to show for all the hard work put in.

I came back to campus a few week later to complete chaos. Harvard Business School, at that time, was a feeder school to Finance and Consulting. I had so many friends whose internships were yanked from under them. In some cases bankrupt banks came after part of the tuition payments that they had made on behalf of their former (now students) employees. Over the next few months we saw families and lives disrupted, mortgages, visas and plans thrown into disarray.

I felt thankful to have a job then. And I feel thankful to have a job today.

My hope for Meta emerging from these deep, needed cuts is that (a) we telegraph clearly that we are done with cuts for now and we give teams the psychological safety to work and create impact (b) we take the moment to reevaluate who we are as a company and how we evolve systems to value what we need in our employees to accomplish what we need going forward.

To Meta employees who have been laid off today. My network is your network. Please ping me here. I am deeply networked in the Seattle community and am happy to make introductions for you. In addition to that I am happy to make time to do resume reviews and/or interview coaching and feedback

Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off

#88

Post by ransom1538 »

scionthefly wrote: post #44
blagie wrote: post #18

I'll mention one more thing which helps: Concrete offers of help. Depending on the circumstances, those can be practical (e.g. cooking and bringing food, covering part of funeral expenses/logistics) or supportive (e.g. making yourself available to talk through things or just be there for someone). A vague offer of help, many people will never make use of. "If there's anything I can do..." often doesn't quite signal "…

After a recent devastating family tragedy, a friend reached out and said "we are paying a lawn service to mow for you." It was unexpected, related to something I had posted about trying to fix our riding lawnmower, and honestly took a huge chore off of our plate at a time when we needed to focus on family. I've appreciated so many things people have done for us, from just a message, card, shoulder to cry on, or visit…

My friend: "I can't pay my rent."

Me: "Whats your venmo".

4 minutes later....

My friend: "wtf I can't pay this back"

Me: "Good i don't do loans"

Put in the cash or effort. When you help someone down, they never forget.

Re: What not to say to someone who has just been laid off

#89

Post by seanc »

Sitting someone down and walking them through your own experience without judgement or expectation is always appreciated.

I was laid off many times during the Optical Winter of 2001-2006 and developed a system for dealing with it. Handing someone the system and saying "You should do these things" is less helpful than telling the story of "The first time I got laid off I did a, b, c. The second time I had learned my lesson, and did less of a and more of c. The fourth time was different because blah blah blah"

Post reply on HN