Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Friendship Forever

secretorum.life

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

81–90 of 100 posts

Re: Friendship Forever

#81

Post by the_gastropod »

fruit2020 wrote: post #14
zwkrt wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Let’s be clear homophobia (with a root in misogyny)“ruined the rainbow” for everybody else. The only funny looks you’re getting are from close minded people. And it’s only ruined for you (the hypothetical you, not making assumptions) because of your own shame in potentially being perceived as gay by others.

You’re right. I din’t want to be perceived as gay. What is wrong with that? I have so many gay people I know. My dentist, my next door neighbors, my ex boss, my ex classmate, some work colleagues. I get along with all of them. Live and let live. Let me enjoy being straight.

Interesting username choice if true…

Re: Friendship Forever

#82

Post by whoooooo123 »

TranquilMarmot wrote: post #30

The part about remote work removing a driving force for friendships hit me pretty hard. In February of 2020, I had a dozen or so really close friends that I would see every day. We would laugh together, get food together, and work on hard problems together. In March of 2020, we all started working remotely and I haven't seen any of them since. Even if I wanted to, almost all of them have moved to other cities, states…

How old are you? If you're reasonably young, and vaccinated, you really don't need to worry about COVID this badly. Practically everyone I know has had COVID by now and for most of them it was not much worse than catching a cold.

COVID is going to be around forever. I don't know why anyone is still letting it disrupt their lives.

Re: Friendship Forever

#83

Post by shrikant »

fruit2020 wrote: post #8
zwkrt wrote: post #3

It’s funny as a gay man to see all of these pictures because they really do read to me as gay with my modern lens. That isn’t because of some sort of special gaydar it’s just so uncommon to see straight men showing any type of vulnerability or affection with each other. I have a friend who’s been playing soccer with the same team for 10 years and he came to me saying he realize that he didn’t know anything about thei…

Even going to a pub with a friend and I get strange looks. 2 straight guys having some beers. I guess gayness ruined the rainbow for everybody else.

Is... is this happening to you in the UK? I've been to pubs plenty of times with just a male friend/acquaintance/relative/colleague/whatever and not only have I never received strange looks, I've also seen lots of other similar groups of pub goers.

And this is in lots of places big and small across the UK, not just in "metropolitan liberal elite" locations...

Re: Friendship Forever

#84

Post by achenet »

Gentil wrote: post #53
achenet wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Then the people you are interested in "romantically" won't be interested in you cos you're thought as gay. And you can fix this in like 10 seconds via asking the person out on a date or casually mentioning that cute person of the opposite gender you saw yesterday that you wish you'd talked to. > Just like people accepting gay people are new thing, the society learning to differentiate who is whom is a new thing as…

> And you can fix this in like 10 seconds via asking the person out on a date or casually mentioning that cute person of the opposite gender you saw yesterday that you wish you'd talked to. Yes. Of course. But why do you expect people are directly conversing? Anyone around interested but presumes me as gay wouldn't even bother asking. I don't think I can clearly explain this. > Uh... I've had people ask me my sexual…

> Anyone around interested but presumes me as gay wouldn't even bother asking.

Hot girl walks by. Make a point of checking her out. Believe me, there are a myriad of ways to express attraction to a certain type of person when in proximity to someone. Arguably the most direct being eye contact with someone you could be interested in.

Girl sees two men walking together holding hands. One makes eye contact + explicit gesture at her. She might think he's a creep, but probably won't think he's gay.

> Thank you. From where I am, people have only relatively recently been open about this. Like I said, experiences vary.

You're welcome. FWIW, I'm in France.

Re: Friendship Forever

#85

Post by goldenchrome »

SamoyedFurFluff wrote: post #69
zwkrt wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> getting sick is not worth having a friend Everyone has their own risk analysis. My analysis is that this is totally out of whack. Covid will be around longer than you’ll be alive. Make a friend it won’t kill you. What really gets me though I know people with your level of risk aversion* who force their developing kids into lockdown. I think the cohort born ~2014-2018 are really gonna be an odd bunch. * partial risk…

I think you skipped over “to me” before your quoted text. This tells me they might have some personal reason for their aversion besides aversion itself that makes total sense. Maybe they are a diabetic, cancer survivor, organ donor recipient, or have some other immune-related condition. I’m not a particularly social person and I know plenty of friends I haven’t been able to see without extra precautions because of th…

The elephant in the room is that many people are vulnerable because they suffer from obesity. One third of the population is obese and another one third is overweight. That’s two thirds of the population who could be significantly healthier if they shed their weight.

I feel that as a society we have moved on from solving that problem and we now treat it as a cost of living, but it’s an enormous dead weight on society.

We all look around for every little thing we can do to reduce our risk of getting sick but we’re collectively unable to eat less. It’s like bandaging up someone who got hit by a train.

Re: Friendship Forever

#86

Post by watwut »

thebigspacefuck wrote: post #79
ajb wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The problem finding friendships at work is that if you're just an employee, that's another thing your exploitative boss can use as leverage. Leave the company and lose your friends. Work long hours or you're letting your friends down. And the company won't consider those friendships for a nanosecond if getting rid of you is to their benefit.

This is stupid. If a friendship stretches beyond work, you can remain friends after you move on to another job. If you all work for an exploitative boss, move on and help your friends find a job at the new company that doesn’t suck.

That second step requires work life balance rather then workplace being also the place where you are expected to socialize on top of working. Because that additional workplace socializing takes additional time ... making you not having time to meet up with former collegues.

Re: Friendship Forever

#87

Post by stcroixx »

zwkrt wrote: post #3

It’s funny as a gay man to see all of these pictures because they really do read to me as gay with my modern lens. That isn’t because of some sort of special gaydar it’s just so uncommon to see straight men showing any type of vulnerability or affection with each other. I have a friend who’s been playing soccer with the same team for 10 years and he came to me saying he realize that he didn’t know anything about thei…

I have 4 kids and a full time job. There are not enough hours in the day to even come close to doing 'well' at either of these responsibilities. Time to build and maintain friendships would be a luxury for me. I get by with the knowledge that if I didn't keep doing what I'm doing, the people I'm responsible for would all be homeless or worse.

Re: Friendship Forever

#88

Post by snickerer »

charlie0 wrote: post #9
zwkrt wrote: post #3

It’s funny as a gay man to see all of these pictures because they really do read to me as gay with my modern lens. That isn’t because of some sort of special gaydar it’s just so uncommon to see straight men showing any type of vulnerability or affection with each other. I have a friend who’s been playing soccer with the same team for 10 years and he came to me saying he realize that he didn’t know anything about thei…

I think that hard times is what really creates that sense of brotherhood. Unfortunately, in the modern western world, it has become really easy to avoid serious hardships once you get even to a modest level of income. I've wanted to do challenging things with acquaintances of mine, but they just don't pan out. I invite people to the gym, I invite them on long hikes, I ask them to do something challenging with me, but…

Oh Charlie, I read this, and immediately I want to go hiking with you.

Re: Friendship Forever

#89

Post by fruit2020 »

shrikant wrote: post #83
fruit2020 wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Even going to a pub with a friend and I get strange looks. 2 straight guys having some beers. I guess gayness ruined the rainbow for everybody else.

Is... is this happening to you in the UK? I've been to pubs plenty of times with just a male friend/acquaintance/relative/colleague/whatever and not only have I never received strange looks, I've also seen lots of other similar groups of pub goers. And this is in lots of places big and small across the UK, not just in "metropolitan liberal elite" locations...

In the gay capital of Amsterdam

Re: Friendship Forever

#90

Post by mccorrinall »

1vuio0pswjnm7 wrote: post #67
mccorrinall wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would have never called them friends in the first place. I have a strict line between friends and acquaintances. Friends are those relationships which I made during childhood. I still keep those relationships up. We have a much stronger bond through the stuff we have been through together. I think friendship needs very strong loyality which is just not given in a normal work environment. Eg I’d never lie in court f…

"Eg. I'd never lie in court for my acquaintances, but I have for my friends." You have lied in court. Is this correct. How do we know you are telling us the truth.

That’s the neat part: You don’t!

But: It’s not hard to say „no, I have never seen him doing drugs“ or whatever.

Don’t expect everyone to say the truth just because game theory suggests to optimize for individual rather than mutual reward.

Post reply on HN