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Write a note to your spouse every day

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Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#81

Post by em-bee »

jurassic wrote: post #57

I don't know about daily notes, anything that's daily kind of loses its impact. But leaving surprise love notes for my wife, spontaneously, a few times a year is wonderful and something I highly recommend. Get some post-its and a sharpie, hide them someplace unexpected.

disagree, when it comes to a relationship some things turn into rituals that are helpful. what the author is doing is more reflection than just paying attention to their partner. daily reflection is very healthy, whether you do it for yourself or you share it doesn't matter. but it doesn't lose its impact.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#82

Post by tbossanova »

ram_rar wrote: post #7

I am going to get a lot of flak for this. But the more I read things like these, the more I feel marriage is not for everyone and society has a whole should stop gushing down this concept to next generation. Personally I feel, If you have to write a note to your spouse everyday to "save your marriage", then you probably didnt have one to begin with.

I agree 100%. Marriage works for some, but we shouldn’t assume it works for all. People should be encouraged to seek the model that works for them best. That said, if you have a relationship that works, it’s definitely worth putting time into it in some way.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#83

Post by skrebbel »

NotTameAntelope wrote: post #23
xupybd wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Marriage takes work, lots of work. The reward in my experience is totally worth it. You have to lay down part of your life for the new life that you experience with your spouse and children. The individual you once were is now part of a family and no longer exists as an individual. You serve your family and they serve you back. For me the amount I give of myself is much less than I receive back from the marriage / fa…

Eh, it doesn’t feel like work for me. I really enjoy my partner, she enjoys me, and I don’t think we have to do very much “work” to maintain that. If I started writing literal daily notes to my wife, she’d be very concerned something was wrong. Then she’d ask why I’m wasting my time writing a note when I could have done… literally annoying else more productive lol

No kids I take it?

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#84

Post by asda_ »

the_gipsy wrote: post #29

> I’m a husband who is 30. I also have 4 kids, ages 6 and under. I’m the sole-provider for the family (though my wife works harder). Between the job, the kids, and extrafamilial obligations, there’s not a lot of time for communication with my wife. We’re on the go from sun-up to sun-down, and at the end of the day we drop into bed exhausted to get just enough sleep for the next day. Very often in the past, a week or…

No post body was provided.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#85

Post by TheCowboy »

_carbyau_ wrote: post #64
lbrito wrote: post #38

I'm in a very similar demographic as the author so I empathise with how hard things can be, but this: >there’s not a lot of time for communication with my wife. We’re on the go from sun-up to sun-down, and at the end of the day we drop into bed exhausted to get just enough sleep for the next day. Oh boy. That sounds awful . Rather than trying to work around that busyness, personally I would go out of my way to just n…

That's was one thing that seemed odd to me. Take 15-45 minutes to write a note. Or, y'know, be present for 15-45 minutes right there in person. However I suspect this is less about time management and more about communication styles: this person is a writer. They communicate better when writing.

As they said in the piece, they're also doing thinking while writing. A lot of this thinking is something that isn't going to happen if you're there in person. And the other advantage they mentioned is that it frees up their in-person conversation time for more interesting and intimate conservations.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#86

Post by zwirbl »

Gigachad wrote: post #66
zwirbl wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What's bad about divorce laws? People's view on divorce and divorce laws of the past seems to be much more awful

Being in a relationship opens yourself up to a huge amount of financial risk which can last a very long time after the breakup/divorce. In most countries you are exposed to this risk even if you don't marry as you automatically enter a de facto which is pretty legally similar to a full marriage. This all made sense when you had a man working and a woman at home looking after the house and kids, but in a modern societ…

If that's your outlook on marriage you shouldn't marry in the first place, divorce laws or not, as it is a long term commitment with, of course, risks involved.

> In most countries you are exposed to this risk even if you don't marry as you automatically enter a de facto which is pretty legally similar to a full marriage.

From only being in a relationship or from living together, spending together, having kids together? I'm pretty sure there is no such thing in the EU country I reside in.

Relationships aren't for everyone, especially when thinking about relationships like a business

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#87

Post by em-bee »

plaguepilled wrote: post #78

I agree that this level of communication should be met in a relationship, but I feel like the form is possibly an area for improvement. Talking face to face being preferable, and texting or calling if not. Physical notes are fine but it feels less natural.

they are explicitly stating that writing those notes allows them to talk more because they can move the transactional stuff out of the way and use their face to face time for more enjoyable topics.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#89

Post by Gatsky »

ram_rar wrote: post #7

I am going to get a lot of flak for this. But the more I read things like these, the more I feel marriage is not for everyone and society has a whole should stop gushing down this concept to next generation. Personally I feel, If you have to write a note to your spouse everyday to "save your marriage", then you probably didnt have one to begin with.

This is very much a fair-weather first-third-of-life perspective.

I see quite a lot of elderly people with health problems. The ones that are completely alone… it’s a pretty wretched existence, frankly. That’s the reality. Not to say all marriages are great obviously, but often even an ex-husband is better than no husband at all.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#90

Post by dkdbejwi383 »

benhoyt wrote: post #45
the_gipsy wrote: post #29

> I’m a husband who is 30. I also have 4 kids, ages 6 and under. I’m the sole-provider for the family (though my wife works harder). Between the job, the kids, and extrafamilial obligations, there’s not a lot of time for communication with my wife. We’re on the go from sun-up to sun-down, and at the end of the day we drop into bed exhausted to get just enough sleep for the next day. Very often in the past, a week or…

It does sound hectic, but it's not hell, because he loves what he does, and clearly loves his wife and kids. That sacrifice (on the part of him and his wife) is for those they love. I do think it's kinda weird to write his wife a daily note -- presumably it takes him 15-30 minutes to write the note. Why not spend that time talking face-to-face with her instead? For me and my wife (I'm in a similar stage of life) we c…

Maybe he writes it on the train during his commute or some other time when they can’t physically talk?
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