Wow FAANG waited 5 months to finish this PR masterpiece
Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
81–90 of 226 posts
Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
#82Bro, it's not the job, it's you not standing up to your oppressive wife.
The longer hours mean you spend less time with her so you're happier, the pay rise means she can spend it so she's happier and the decision making you get at the job gives you a sense of manhood which you are obviously lacking at home.
Give it time and your wife will again become unhappy with the status quo and demand more and once again you will be unhappy and blame your job.
Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
#83Seek counseling. You're making life decisions based on web boards. Somehow programming and your relationship with your spouse are tied up together. You're riding really high now. You were really low before. Emotional roller coasters mean you should talk with someone, regardless of how you're feeling right now.
I think you're being a little harsh maybe? I agree big mood swings like this are a concern, but jobs do a lot to affect our happiness.
I'm likewise a little concerned about a partner who "wants a big house", but that's a highly condensed statement about what is no doubt a more nuanced situation.
I've jumped ship and had it be a really positive experience. Wouldn't be averse to it again, and I think that's mostly what this post is about: recognized that their career was important to them, dug deep and found a better job, now they're sharing excitement their about it.
It's also important to not get too much personal identification from a job (see Mike Rowe's thoughts on happy people working crappy jobs), and to not overwork, but whatever - they're making progress!
Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
#84> I was motivated and was able to solve most easy and medium question in 30 mins. However, that was not good enough for FAANGs.
What makes you think it's not good enough? LC is important and today it might be even be essential to land a role, but I think people tend to think of it like an exam when that's not really what we're testing for.
The goal is to see how you think, not see if you can simply come up with the right answer. If you need a hint it's usually not going to hurt you at all so long as you listen to the hint, are able to understand it, then incorporate it into a solution. I'd go so far as to say that being able to do that can help you more than reciting an answer without a hint.
There are some patterns like tries, left/right pointers, memoization, heaps, and maps that studying helps with for sure, but that doesn't mean you're supposed to be able to immediately solve something without any help.
(Note that there are asshole interviewers out there that will challenge you and won't follow what I've described, but that's rare and personally I've only seen them at startups, not big tech)
Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
#85"Series D startup" may be a very bad place to be very soon. Keep grinding LeetCode.
Not OP but the day startups are no longer viable I will change careers (something I did already in the past, so I know what it entails) rather than grinding leet and trying to find work at some tech mega corp. Salary at the expense of everything else was never the goal.
Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
#86Earlier quoted context omitted.
there are plenty of problems love, support, and teamwork can't fix. hard disagree. there isn't a single problem that can't be fixed in a good relationship. OP would not have needed to come here and ask for help if he had been able to talk with his wife about his problems.
>OP would not have needed to come here and ask for help if he had been able to talk with his wife about his problems. wow - Because his wife is an expert in software career development, burnout, and real-estate? For all we know his wife suggested he get feedback here! >hard disagree. there isn't a single problem that can't be fixed in a good relationship. I am fine to agree to disagree. PSA, if you have cancer, see a…
because his wife (and the kids) are going to be affected by the decisions he makes.
it doesn't take an expert in career development.
a partner is also the person that you should be able to share your innermost feelings with.
burnout especially is something partners should talk about. if your partner doesn't understand why you have problems at work then that will cause problems in the relationship.
sure once you have identified a problem you may need to seek out an expert. but you should still talk with your partner before taking any steps.
if i come home telling my wife that i decided to move to new york because they have the best treatment for my cancer then that's not going to fly. that kind of decision only both can take together.
same goes for changing jobs. it might change the commute, oe require a move. or reduce their income. OP was unhappy at work, taking on a better, but less well paid job was at least a possibility.
Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
#87Happy to hear you've made some positive changes! That said, as a cybersecurity practitioner, this: >a lot of compliance and security related tasks which added zero benefit to our service scares the bejeezus out of me. Security is never of zero benefit.
How has a cybersecurity practitioner never encountered useless compliance-driven security tasks?
Where I work, it’s widely acknowledged that doing security for security’s sake, done right, can cover your compliance, but security for compliance’s sake just checks checkboxes and doesn’t really get you security.
Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
#88Congrats! I'm happy for you. Funny how being more engaged and working more can leave you with more energy at the end of the day. I've felt the same way in the past.
Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
#89Earlier quoted context omitted.
Am I the only one that thinks it's rude to give unsolicited marital advice based on absolutely no facts
Considering how grateful OP is for the advice shared by the community here previously, my impression is they're open to the continued advice. It's hardly unsolicited. I don't consider it rude when people are trying to be genuinely helpful. If you consider that rude you might be overly sensitive yourself and missing the bigger context. It's not happening here, but: I really really don't understand people who get offen…
In not especially offended, but it does rub me the wrong way when people make negative assumptions about others, then offer their advice.
To me it comes off as condescension, not actually help. If they wanted to help or cared, they would seek to understand first. Unsolicited and more importantly uninformed advice shows a disregard for the recipient.
It reminds me of legal advice threads where people give terrible advice because they are too busy speaking to even read the original post.
Re-read Lumost post, and then em-bee's unsolicited diagnosis and advice. They are absolutely making assumptions and suggesting a narrative about an uncollaborative and deficient marriage.
At the end of the day, people are free to post what they want, but having some community standards is what prevents things from devolving into rabble and insults.
For my part, I want to use that freedom to tell people that it is unproductive and generally considered rude to make unsolicited, uncharitable, and uninformed assumptions about the marriages of others. Moreso, because I think are giving out factually bad advice.
Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite
#90Earlier quoted context omitted.
>OP would not have needed to come here and ask for help if he had been able to talk with his wife about his problems. wow - Because his wife is an expert in software career development, burnout, and real-estate? For all we know his wife suggested he get feedback here! >hard disagree. there isn't a single problem that can't be fixed in a good relationship. I am fine to agree to disagree. PSA, if you have cancer, see a…
because his wife (and the kids) are going to be affected by the decisions he makes. it doesn't take an expert in career development. a partner is also the person that you should be able to share your innermost feelings with. burnout especially is something partners should talk about. if your partner doesn't understand why you have problems at work then that will cause problems in the relationship. sure once you have…
Why do you continually assume they don't talk with their partner???
You seem stuck on this point