81–90 of 350 posts
I'm deeply depressed and contemplating suicide If you are having suicidal thoughts then please talk to someone about that now. There are lots of people you can talk to. No matter where you are you can visit http://www.befrienders.org/
So, here's my story; I tell it occasionally when stories like yours come up. I had no college experience, but did manage to jump right in to a good I.T. job while I was still in high school, and from there into an even better I.T. job in another state where I made more money than I knew what to do with. (I've never been good with money, and didn't understand what "savings" meant.) I worked there until suddenly one da…
2. Your job sucked. Quitting was right.
3. Admit failure at freelancing. Build character.
4. Survive. Go out and get any job you can find. It will give you focus and get you out of the house, away from the bullshit.
5. Get your head straight. Analyse what went wrong. Do it differently, or not at all.
6. Get new friends. Can't get new family, though.
There's no safe route to success.
I'm deeply depressed and contemplating suicide If you are having suicidal thoughts then please talk to someone about that now. There are lots of people you can talk to. No matter where you are you can visit http://www.befrienders.org/
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Sometimes it takes an actual person who has actually experienced this to tell you for it to actually click, I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense to you.
And it takes an actual person who has actually experienced this to tell you boilerplate "Cheer up champ! People love you! Get help!" comments are worthless. Check.
That's not outright blame for you; we're as much at fault for taking one part of the info and giving you advice on it - no one in the thread seemed to couch their advice with "but talk to your friends/family" etc. Which is probably part of the problem.
You mention the idea of freelancing as a revenue to keep you going; but it is not clear a) what your experience is and b) how much research you did into doing that sort of work as freelance. This is usually killer; I quit an OK job once to go freelance - it didn't work out because I didn't do the work.
Tell us about your skills - someone here on HN will likely have some work for you
Don't get depressed though; you're probably feeling like a failure, but realistically you were in a bad place and decided to try something radical to fix it. That hasn't worked - so try something else!
The suggestion below to go work in a supermarket while you build up freelance work & side projects is a good one. There is nothing wrong with manual labour, especially in your 20's. And if you are worried about being stuck there long term - constantly work not to be there long term.
Building a career is fucking hard. It sounds like you had a lucky break initially - a well paid job. But for a high trade off (horrible working conditions). Now you have to do like the rest of us :)
I'm guessing you were sold the "get rich quick" and "quitting my job was the best thing..." idea. This is an unfortunate side effect of HN... because it largely doesn't work - and certainly not without intense effort and drive.
Your 20; this is a setback, but it's certainly not the end. In 30 years time there is no reason it couldn't be you interviewing with Time, and telling them that this was the failure that drove you from them on - or something (note; a lot of work required!).
And tell the people abusing you to get lost; sounds like they are a large part of your pain/depression & likely what it holding you back.
Maybe volunteer for one of those charity trips - go build a school somewhere away from the people that are getting you down. Meet new people, get new ideas. etc.
First, as everyone else suggested (I never did but...) talk to someone about your depression, suicidal thoughts isn't something you should keep to yourself and you should find someone close to you that you can share your feeling with right away.
Back when I was 18 just out of high school I got a job at a mortgage company as a loan officer, I made tons of money in the range of 15-20k/month on average which was normal for my office and location. I purchased a 450k home through financing when I turned 20, had two high end cars and a third (money pit) project car that I barely had time to work on.
Long story short, I was your age (20) at the time and I did what most 20yr olds do, bought whatever I wanted no matter the price. I thought life like this would last forever, with no care for the term "housing bubble", I didn't care to know what the worst of it would mean.
When 2007 came around and I saw lenders severely restrict guidelines and homes start appraising at an incredibly devalued price from what it once was, that was when I started to panic. Eventually I had to short sell my home, turn one of my cars in because I owed more then the value of it and go from 15-20k to basically nothing.
So I ended up moving to Miami beach for two years staying with a relative, and spent all of my money pretending to still be/do what I once was/could until i ran completely out of money. Then I sat in depression for the rest of the two years I was there. Things really got bad after my second car got repossessed.
Anyway, the story is of a person (me) falling from high up all the way to rock bottom which it sounds like is where you are. After the two year period of depression I got a second chance through moving back to Illinois and staying with my parents, going back to college and programming again. Now I have three partners working on a new product, face time with VC's that have shown interest when its completed, introduced to business owners (through friends) that have agreed to test our product. Things are going great.
There is one thing that happened to me which changed my outlook on life when things weren't going so well(im not saying you should go and do this by any means at the moment), I had a son and so far he has been my inspiration in pulling through.
Right now I am 25, my plan that I set for myself when I was 16 was to have over $1 million by the time I was 25, you can laugh at that if you want but i was serious and it was definitely possible at the rate that I made money as a Loan Officer. You still have a shot at achieving either the goal of stability or creating your own job by the time you are 25. Figure out which route you want and make a plan to get there, i.e. "Get a GED. 4 months, goto community college/university for CS or whatever 2-4 years." By that time you should have a side job and a nearly completed BS in CS.
You have time, you have talent. Make a goal, define a path and start going down it. The longer you wait and sulk in your depression the more depressed you will get being 21,22,23,24,25yrs old and in the same situation you are currently in. Don't do that.
You'll never find out what you have to look forward to if you never attempt to look forward, so dont look back, move forward.