Every offer finds a demand. https://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1
FYI the Easons in that article are now in jail for activities reported in the article. They both got 40 years.
When families un-adopt a child (2018)
81–90 of 151 posts
Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)
#82Adoptive parent here. I read this before I adopted, and it didn’t make any sense to me then. Having now adopted, I’m willing to make a value judgement and say this absolutely horrific. It induces horror. I’m my kid’s parent.
On the other hand, maybe the kind of person who would return a kid would not be a good parent to start with.
Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)
#83I don't really understand the negative tone here. Of course there are cases where parents will want to give up a child, for good or bad reasons. Of course that applies to adopted children too. I've heard wildly varying things about how much screening is applied to adoptive parents - some people complain about a lack of screening, others about a hugely expensive and complex process. None of those wringing their hands seem to have a positive proposal to make things better.
Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)
#84I went and googled the advertising page of the second chance adoption agency discussed in this article, and it's just heartbreaking. On one hand, I really can't imagine what these "parents" were thinking adopting these children in the first place - the reasons for rehoming go from "major lifelong medical care required" to "child doesn't get along with his siblings" - but, in any case, doesn't seem like many of the is…
Looking at the children up for adoption today, a large portion seem to come from families with many other siblings. Who would have thought that children with special needs require dedicated attention?! The other thing I was surprised to see is how many of these kids ‘love Jesus’ and want to go to a traditional (i.e. straight Christian) family. I would think that any loving family is better than being unwanted, regard…
Yep. Kinda breaks my heart that the girl mentioned in the first paragraphs was given back because the adoptive parents left church :/
Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)
#85Adoptive parent here. I read this before I adopted, and it didn’t make any sense to me then. Having now adopted, I’m willing to make a value judgement and say this absolutely horrific. It induces horror. I’m my kid’s parent.
As an adoptee I can saying being a kids parent sometimes means giving them up for adoption.
That’s true for all parents.
Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)
#86I really didn't get this part: > But according to the information provided by her parents, “This family has drastically changed their lifestyle and have left their faith and extended family for a quiet, secluded life.” It is their hope that “a different family will step forward who can provide her with the socialization and continued relationship with God that she desires.” So they're saying that they are getting rid…
> “This family has drastically changed their lifestyle and have left their faith and extended family for a quiet, secluded life.” > So they're saying that they are getting rid of her because she is too religious at the age of 10 to fit into their lives? Actually, it sounded to me as if the family went full-on Ruby Ridge, moving into an off-grid cabin in the woods, preparing for the rapture.
Note this is in Utah. They didn’t leave just any church; they left the Mormon church.
Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)
#87Earlier quoted context omitted.
Consider going to therapy. Sometimes, the scars are not as deep as you initially thought. Your story seems similar to my wife's, especially the part about being tricked into debt. We've managed to clear things up after many years of she and her brothers struggling. Good luck!
Glad therapy worked for your wife. My Dad simply used it as another venue to threaten me. I'm always going to be a bit messed up. It's not really something I want to fix, if I could.
I definitely feel resonance for your position that estrangement is sometimes the best option, and is the one sure way to end a pattern of abuse that cannot otherwise be broken. I was lucky that my parents used it so much in my youth that when it came time for me to use it on them, I had seen many examples.
I might say that your family only has the power to haunt you that you now give them. Truly being able to say "you are no longer of significance to me" might lead you a place that you had not expected.
Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)
#88We adopted two older kids (age 3 and 7) when we were in our 40s/30s. It was very difficult and life changing in many ways. We sacrificed a lot to bring them into our lives. But - we knew that going into it. It has caused stress and strain and high blood pressure. But I also got to carry my son off the field on my shoulders when he ran in the the finally touch down to cap off an undefeated season. To hear my daughter…
How could you possibly know what an 15+ year commitment is like before going into it? Did you have kids prior to adopting?
I don't think it's weird at all some people wish they could 'return' their kids. It's virtually impossible to truly know what it's like until you're in it.
Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)
#89I just can't get over the fact that it's somehow legal in the US to advertise young children for adoption on the (public) web, complete with portrait photos and descriptions of their personalities and backgrounds.
I guess your solution is to not advertise at all and instead have more children in state facilities, where abuse and neglect is orders of magnitude more likely.
Kids raised in state facilities get chewed up and spat out, according to statistics.
Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)
#90We adopted two older kids (age 3 and 7) when we were in our 40s/30s. It was very difficult and life changing in many ways. We sacrificed a lot to bring them into our lives. But - we knew that going into it. It has caused stress and strain and high blood pressure. But I also got to carry my son off the field on my shoulders when he ran in the the finally touch down to cap off an undefeated season. To hear my daughter…
How could you possibly know what an 15+ year commitment is like before going into it? Did you have kids prior to adopting? I don't think it's weird at all some people wish they could 'return' their kids. It's virtually impossible to truly know what it's like until you're in it.
It probably isn’t weird to think about returning the kids…but it is certainly weird to do it. More than weird, it is disrespectful, cowardly, and inconsiderate.
When you decide to have kids by adoption or by natural birth—they should never be abandoned.
No matter what they do—you are with them for those ~18 years and hopefully many more.
Unlike a spouse—kids are dependents. And your commitment is to make sure they have someone they can depend on.